


Comme l'espoir, l'amour reste

by emmyphant



Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Human, Angst with a Happy Ending, Christmas AU, Christmas Fluff, Denial of Feelings, Doctor!13, Eleventh Doctor (minor character), F/F, Family Fluff, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Gen, Human!13, Lesbian Character, Male-Female Friendship, Mentioned Master (Dhawan), Miscommunication, Mountain Rescue!13, Mutual Pining, POV Alternating, Pansexual Character, Photographer!Ryan, Ryan Sinclair/Clara Oswald, Sarah Jane Smith (minor character), Skier!Clara, Slow Burn, Snowboarder!Yaz, Substance Abuse, Twelfth Doctor (minor character), i was supposed to go and work in france but the world happened, mechanic!ryan, ryan/yaz are bros, set in the french alps, so yaz will have to go for me, wintersports au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-24
Updated: 2021-01-16
Packaged: 2021-03-10 03:13:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 69,282
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27616780
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/emmyphant/pseuds/emmyphant
Summary: After narrowly missing out on making the National Snowboarding Team, Yasmin Khan ends up working the winter season as a snowboarding instructor on the slopes of Mont Blanc, in France. This new home and life could be exactly what she needs to break out of the funk she had worked herself into back home in Sheffield, but what she and her best friend, Ryan, had not been counting on was Yaz meeting Genevieve Lefevre. A local doctor and mountain rescue volunteer, her bright personality draw Yaz in from the start, but can they work out their differences and pasts to be able to share a life together?Despite the title being in French, this work is in English!
Relationships: Thirteenth Doctor/Yasmin Khan
Comments: 177
Kudos: 115





	1. Yaz

**Author's Note:**

> This story is completely planned, and half written already! I'll be updating every Tuesday and Friday until it's done. Enjoy! :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to @walkerlister for betaing this chapter for me, she's an angel and a brilliant writer so you should totally go and check out her stuff!

Yasmin Khan sighs deeply as the minibus winds its way through the ‘motorways’ of the French Alps. Although they are really more akin to precarious mountain passes. On the right of the road, the mountains climb up quickly into towering peaks permanently dusted with snow that cast long shadows in the late afternoon sun, standing proudly over the landscape. On the left, the mountain drops down to finish in a raging river a scary amount of feet below. There is a safety barrier, but Yaz fears it would not provide much safety if the minibus were to veer off course, plummeting her and eight other passengers to an early death. No, best not think like that. At least it is still just the very start of the skiing season and she is subjected to transport in a small minibus rather than the large coaches that will be carrying tourists and winter sports enthusiasts through these mountains in just a few days. In a bid to fight against the nausea twisting her stomach into knots, whether that is from the unsteady road or nerves, she is not sure, she pops another mint imperial into her mouth and changes the music in her ears to a more calming playlist guaranteed to make the rest of her journey more pleasant.

Eventually the endless mountains and forests begin to part with small hints of civilisation, perhaps the first she has seen since the minibus left Geneva behind them. Behind curtains of green, she can see peeks of wooden lodges and slopes light with snow, and her heart rate picks up almost instantly. They are hinting towards what she is heading into: her new life for the next five months. A life of snow and slopes and hopefully, some new friends. It is safe to say that after being forced into leaving the competitive snowboarding world a year and a half earlier, her return to everyday life in Sheffield had become somewhat mundane and uneventful, at least compared to the fast-paced, crazy world of professional winter sports. Her job at the leisure centre had provided its challenges, but it still was not  _ enough.  _ Yaz thrives on adventure and adrenaline, and hopefully this new job, despite being seasonal, will bring that back into her life.

Eventually, they drive through the first resort, Les Houches, that makes up part of the collection of resorts at the base of Mont Blanc. Collectively, they are known as ‘Chamonix’ after the largest of them all, and where Yaz will be living for the duration of her contract as a snowboarding instructor. As the buildings become more dense, Yaz sits up properly in her seat, unwinding her headphones and stuffing them in the front pocket of her backpack. Eventually they get to the edge of Chamonix itself and she grins. Yaz had already spent countless hours looking at photographs and driving through the streets on google maps, and Ryan has shown her the view from his apartment plenty of times, but it is nothing compared to the real thing. 

The mountains are the domineering feature, standing tall and proud over the sprawling town below, casting an elongated shadow across a large section of the valley below her. She smiles as they enter the town proper, modern, purpose-built cabins and chalets giving way to older, off-white and tan stucco buildings. Some are shorter, while others resemble the mountains and rise above the narrow streets, sporting five or six stories of windows and balconies with flower boxes filled with purple flowers. Yaz knows that Ryan’s apartment is in a building much like these, he had shown her plenty of pictures, but she would not be able to pick out the building on her own just yet. It may not even be on this street, she can see that they extend outwards like a web from the centre of town, both up the mountain and down the valley towards the river. Yaz thinks that the whole town looks more Italian, rather than French. Although, she realises, if you were to drive through the tunnel that cuts through Mont Blanc, you would end up in Italy, so in reality it is not all that surprising. 

Eventually, the minibus grinds to a halt, and Yaz snaps herself out of her daydream to search through the opposite window for a sign of her oldest and best friend. She is greeted by who is easily the tallest figure on the street, hands shoved in pockets of a black puffy coat, grinning at her broadly. She returns the grin with the same amount of enthusiasm, heaving her large backpack from between her feet and hauling it onto her back as she bounds down the steps into Ryan’s open arms. He stumbles backwards a little with the impact, but soon wraps his arms around her securely.

“Mate, it’s been too long.”

“I know,” Yaz sighs, disentangling herself and standing back to take Ryan in properly. 

He is as tall as she remembers, him having almost a head on her, and he looks a little older, a little more weathered, but he is still the same Ryan she has always known. And he is right, it has been too long. Ever since he had made the decision to move permanently to the town almost two years ago, Yaz simply had not had the opportunity to visit him. First, spending all her time in Canada, trying desperately to regain her previous snowboarding levels after a forced year away from her beloved sport, then, after having just missed out on making the National team, essentially wallowing in her misery in Sheffield, unsure where to take her life next. Then Ryan had told her that he was looking for a new roommate, and that several of the local resorts were looking for snowboarding instructors, and would likely snap up someone as highly skilled as Yaz in an instant. 

“Is your suitcase in the bottom of the bus?” Ryan asks, his voice breaking through her subconscious. 

“Yeah.”

Ryan steps forward to root through where the minibus driver has already opened the hatch. He eventually drags a large plain black suitcase with a rainbow band around the middle towards him, raising his eyebrows.

“This one yours?”

Yaz nods again, moving forwards to take it off him, but he shakes his head.

“Nah, I’ll take it. Although it’s bloody heavy, it’s almost as bad as those boxes of yours that arrived yesterday!”

Yaz looks up at Ryan with a guilty expression, offering up a smile that she hopes will placate his slightly tetchy mood. Although it is Ryan, and his annoyance at her is more brotherly, there is rarely any actual malice behind it.

“They arrived already?”

“Yeah.”

“Huh.” Yaz shrugs, following Ryan as he starts to walk. “I know I sent them early, but I didn’t expect them to arrive before I did!”

The two boxes in question contain some of Yaz’s most treasured personal items from her home back in Sheffield, as well as her two bulkiest winter jackets, which simply had not fit in her suitcase that went on the flight to Geneva with her. She never used to travel with personal possessions, as such, but a year and a half of living at home has resulted in her becoming much more attached to her photographs and childhood trinkets than she had been in years. Her precious snowboard was, of course, checked as hand luggage. Her mum had been confused by it, but years of travelling around the world to various training opportunities and competitions has led Yaz to learn the hard way that baggage handlers are not always the most careful. Now, the lilac with the rainbow stripe down the centre stands out proudly against her large black backpack and dark blue puffy coat.

“Well, they arrived early, and I had to lug ‘em upstairs!”

“Sorry,” Yaz grimaces, shrugging her shoulders.

“Don’t worry about it, mate. You were only trying to plan ahead.”

They walk together in silence for a little while, Yaz trying her best to take in her surroundings but with little success. The journey here was long, and she would really just rather be in her new home. And really, she is set to be here for five months, so she will have an abundance of time to get used to the town.

“How far to yours? Ours?” Yaz asks, stopping for a moment to catch her breath. She’s out of practice from the altitude.

“Only another couple of minutes,” he reassures, and Yaz sighs in relief. “And then three flights of stairs.”

He laughs heartily as Yaz groans, before she sets her jaw in a hard line and resumes their trek through the sloped streets towards Ryan’s building.

“Remind me again how you have a spare room during high season?” Yaz asks as they enter through the heavy wooden front door of the building, heading for the staircase at the end of the hallway.

“My last proper flatmate was with me for ages. She has a daughter, but she moved out about six months ago, the kid needed more space and they weren’t getting much sleep while sharing a room. Told you about the job pretty soon after that and then I’ve had a few short-term flatmates since then. Anyway, here we are!” He announces, pulling a key from his pocket and unlocking the door. 

Yaz copies as he kicks his boots off in the doorway, and then looks up to properly take in the space. They’re in a hallway, but directly opposite an archway that leads to a bright living room with one of the comfiest sofas Yaz has ever seen. 

Ryan then points out the rest of the apartment to her. Next to the living room there’s a kitchen and dining room, then Ryan’s room, Yaz’s is opposite next to the box room, aka Ryan’s office, and at the end of the hallway is the bathroom. The whole place is obviously quite old, but Ryan has clearly done his best to modernise the place while not taking away from the original feel of the building, and it has a cozy, homely feel to it. He leads her into the living room and Yaz sinks into the plush sofa; it’s just as comfortable as it looks.

“Drink?”

Yaz nods with a smile. “Do you have tea?”

“Of course I do. Still milk and one sugar?” He checks, resting a hand against the side of the archway into the room.

“You know me well,” Yaz replies, smiling fondly as Ryan heads next door into the kitchen. She has missed her best friend, and she finds that it is easy to be in his company once again, almost as if they had never spent any time apart.

While she waits for Ryan to make her drink, Yaz takes in the opportunity to properly look at the room. Opposite the sofa, there is a dark, wooden storage unit with a television sitting on top and Ryan’s beloved games system set up next to it. The shelves of the unit are mostly filled with video games and DVDs, as well as a few photographs of Ryan with family, friends and girlfriend; Yaz recognises Grace and Graham, his nan and step-grandad, his friend Tibo from back in Sheffield, his girlfriend Clara, as well as a couple with herself in them. There are also a few people she does not recognise, and concludes they must be new friends that Ryan has made here, in France. There are a few group photos, and then another of Ryan with a pretty petite brunette woman and a young toddler. If she had to guess, Yaz would say that they were his previous roommates, and former occupants of the room she is now living in.

Yaz moves on from the photographs to take in the rest of the room. The archway takes up almost the whole left-hand wall of the room from her perspective, while there are three large windows along the right side. There are a couple of comfortable-looking bean bags under one of the windows, and a tall potted plant in front of another. Behind the TV there are two framed photographs of the mountains, and Yaz guesses that they are Ryan’s own work; he is a keen photographer and supplements his income from working the ski lifts and cable cars with selling his photographs.

Behind Yaz there are bookshelves lining the whole wall, and she twists around to get a better look at them. There are even more photographs, what appears to be a framed child’s drawing, several books covering various topics, a couple more potted plants and a record player, the shelf next to it filled with records.

“One cup of tea, and a pain au chocolat from the bakery down the road.”

Ryan’s voice breaks Yaz out of her daydreams, and her eyes light up when she spots the beverage and the snack in his hands.

She takes a generous sip of the tea, despite the fact that it’s still boiling hot. She only winces slightly. The next thing to meet her mouth is the pain au chocolat, and to say it is heavenly is an understatement.

“Oh my god, that’s amazing.”

“Proper French pastries for you! And that’s not even the best one in town,” he adds, raising his eyebrows as he sits down at the opposite end of the sofa.

“Really?”

“Yeah. I mean, the travel blogs will tell you that’s the best one, but there’s an even better one hidden away, the tourists haven’t found it yet,” he winks, and Yaz smiles back.

“So will I be enough of a local for you to consider showing me where this magical bakery might be?”

Ryan rubs his chin in an over-exaggerated display of thought. “If you can place your whole order in French, then yeah.”

Yaz groans, throwing her head to the back of the sofa. Her French is mediocre at best, she had spent almost six months training in Québec, but that was a while ago, and the French there is very different to the French here. Therefore, her abilities are less than ideal, but she had enjoyed the subject at A-level and she has a feeling she will pick it back up quite quickly now that she will be surrounded by it every day.

“Hey, if you want to get the best pastries in town  _ and _ meet a lovely French woman, you’re going to have to up your game.”

Yaz reaches out and kicks him in the shin with her socked foot, blushing deeply. “That’s not why I’m here, Ry,” she mutters, eyes completely focused on the last bit of tea in her mug.

“Okay, but you can’t tell me that if a pretty French woman asked you on a date, you wouldn’t say no?”

Yaz sighs; Ryan is right, of course he is right. “Well, no, but —”

“See! Now eat your pastry, I’ll show you where it is on the grand tour tomorrow.”

Yaz finishes her pastry dutifully and downs the last of her tea as fast as she can when a sudden wave of exhaustion hits her.

“I know you probably want to catch up and stuff, but I’m so tired, do you mind if I just … go to bed?” Yaz asks guiltily.

“Of course not, it’s quite a trek to get here. I’ll help you take your stuff in.”

“Thanks,” Yaz smiles, drawing her best mate in for another hug. Having such a familiar face here will definitely make settling in easier.

In Yaz’s room, she manages to unpack the barest essentials from her suitcase, leaning her snowboard in pride of place against the wall before she all but collapses into the double bed. The two boxes of her personal possessions that sit at the foot of the bed are not even looked at, she can deal with those at a later date. It has been a torturously long day, but she is finally here, in her new home, and very much ready to start her new adventure. But not before a good night’s sleep.

* * *

A few days later, Yaz is really starting to feel like this town is not just a place she is visiting for a short while, but a home for the foreseeable future. She has finally unpacked all her possessions, decorating her bedroom and, at Ryan’s insistence, adding some of her own photographs to the collection in the living room. It is going to be her home too, after all. They had also had the first proper snow of the season, and now the slopes are dusted in sparkling white. She has been given the grand tour by Ryan, complete with a visit to the best bakery in town. Thankfully Ryan (and the shop owner) had deemed her French good enough to be deserving of a pastry, and she had selected a  _ mille feuille. _ She’d never had one before, but Ryan had recommended it and they were indeed, amazing. After that she had been to the bakery at least once a day, and she was glad that her active job would be providing her with a good excuse to indulge in the sweet treats.

Now, it is officially her first day on the job. Well, the first day of her mandatory week of training, but nonetheless she is being paid for it, so it counts as her first day. 

After walking to the correct cable car station and ascending halfway up the mountain to where the main complex of the ski resort is located, she is standing trying to figure out the map and find the staff building. By her calculations, it should be somewhere in her right and next to the first aid centre, and after peering across the layer of snow, she locates it easily.

Striding over in her boots, the door is heavy and requires quite a push to open into a cloakroom. There is a row of lockers lining one wall, three doors leading to bathrooms on the left and along the wall opposite to the main door, one leading to the kitchen and another to the staff room. 

Yaz pulls off her large jacket and hangs it up, before locating her locker and storing her snowboard, helmet and backpack in there. Taking a deep breath, she pushes open the door to the staff room to meet this handful of her new coworkers.

She’s greeted by a chorus of ‘hello’ and  _ ‘salut’ _ and she smiles shyly, giving a tentative wave before selecting to sit on the end of a sofa that’s also occupied by a petite brunette who looks strangely familiar.

“Clara,” the woman smiles, extending a hand in greeting. Yaz shakes it firmly, grateful that someone has already reached out to her.

“Yasmin,” she returns, awkwardly shifting in her seat. And then, after a moment of recognition, “Oh! You’re Ryan’s Clara!”

“Oh, yes! Of course, you must be Yaz. It’s so nice to finally meet you properly, not just over brief FaceTime calls.”

“It’s nice to meet you properly too, I imagine we’ll be seeing a lot more of each other,” she smiles, putting Yaz at ease. “How are you feeling about this new job?”

“Nervous, but excited. Although my French is questionable,” Yaz laughs.

“Don’t worry about it. Mine was basically non-existent, but I’ve been here four years now and it’s surprising how quickly you pick it up,” she reassures.

“Oh, so you’re here full time?”

Clara nods, turning to face Yaz properly. “I wasn’t at first, I did a season and then left. Came back for a second year, applied to be a hiking guide during the summer and I never left!”

Their conversation is interrupted by a large man standing up and clapping his hands, and the whole room turns to look at him.

“Hello everyone, my name is Philippe and I am in charge of new recruits here. I will be giving you a brief introduction to what working here entrails, and the session will be conducted in both English and French.”

Philippe starts talking at a fast pace in a heavy French accent, and Yaz has to concentrate hard to keep up. Thankfully, it is nothing she has not heard before, and it is easier to follow than she had expected. He reveals that the next week will be full of basic rescue and first aid training, familiarisation with the routes and classes, and assignment of their schedules. He then gets everyone to introduce themselves and Yaz learns the names of each of her other co-workers; she learns that herself, and two other people are the only new staff members this year, and Yaz is the only new snowboarding instructor, the rest are skiers. 

After the introductions have been made, the rest of the group are sent off with Clara, who was there in the first place as an experienced employee to lead the group of new skiers. Yaz is left sitting alone in the room after Philippe had to rush off, assuring her that someone from the mountain rescue team will be here soon to lead her through that part of the training.

Unfortunately, it has now been fifteen minutes since she became alone in the room, and it is causing the nerves to churn in her stomach uncomfortably. Had Philippe said that she should seek out the instructor herself? No, she is sure that he hadn’t, but a further ten minutes of waiting lead her to the conclusion that maybe she had misheard.

Deciding she should go and investigate, she leaves the staff room before grabbing her coat and shrugging it on and stepping back out into the sharp, cold air. It is the kind of cold air that hurts the inside of your nose and makes it a little hard to breathe, so she pulls her buff over her face, stepping out onto the snow that crunches satisfyingly under her boots.

It is only a short walk to the first aid centre, and upon reaching the door, she raises a gloved hand to knock. Unfortunately she does not get a chance to actually make contact with the surface, as it swings open and a figure stumbles out, crashing into Yaz and forcing her to stumble backwards. She catches the figure easily, her quick reflexes coming in handy as she rights them both.

“Ahh!  _ Désolé, _ sorry!”

Yaz looks up at the figure properly, and has to swallow reflexively. The woman is only slightly taller than her, a short blonde bob peeking out from under her burgundy beanie and a guilty smile on her face. She is very pretty and Yaz has to look away before she blushes too hard.

“English,” Yaz supplies, pulling her buff down from her face and smiling. “I was looking for the person who is supposed to be doing the mountain rescue training?”

“Ah! That would be me!” The figure replies, and Yaz is surprised to hear a hint of a Yorkshire accent in her voice. It is nice to hear a piece of home. However, she is even more confused when the woman shares her extremely French name.

“Genevieve Lefèvre. Most English speakers call me Jenny, though.”

“Yasmin Khan, my friends call me Yaz,” she retorts, sticking out a hand to shake which the other woman takes.

“Well then Yaz, shall we?” She asks, gesturing to the door behind her.

Yaz nods, stepping forward through the door held open. She has a feeling Ryan’s comment yesterday may not have been too far fetched.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading this first chapter! This fic is going to switch POV with each chapter, so next up we'll have Jenny's POV. See you on Friday!


	2. Jenny

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dashing out the door, she is so preoccupied with not being even later that she stumbles over the threshold, and straight into … someone. Better than falling face first into the snow.  
> “Ahh! Désolé, sorry!”  
> As she straightens up and takes in the woman that stopped her descent, she decides that yes, this is definitely preferable to getting a mouthful of snow. She offers up a guilty smile as the woman just continues to stare at her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome to chapter two, in which we get to meet the disaster that is Jenny! Thank you so much for the lovely response to chapter one, it meant so much and I hope you enjoy this chapter just a much :)
> 
> Thank you again to walkerlister for betaing and being a general source of encouragement :)

Jenny sighs as she glances up from the kitchen counter to the bright yellow vintage radio on the shelf. The clock on the side displays the time as being half past seven, meaning that she is now officially bordering on being late. Especially since they had gotten the first real snow of the season last night, unexpectedly, and the streets outside are still being salted. Not that you can see, the town is yet to see sunlight this morning, but she heard one of the trucks going past earlier.

Padding over to the door of the kitchen and sticking her head out into the hallway, she carries her voice to the younger version of herself tucked away in the room at the other end of the apartment.

“Noelle! _Allons-y,_ we’re going to be late,” she sing-songs, her voice light but firm.

“I ready nearly, mama!” The young girl calls back, and Jenny shakes her head softly as she returns to the half-made packed lunches in the kitchen. She decides she will give her five minutes before she calls her again, her daughter is just as liable to get distracted as she is.

She is surprised when, less than two minutes later, light footsteps approach, signalling the arrival of the young girl. Jenny looks up and smiles as Noelle walks into the room, loose brown curls bouncing around her face with the spring in her step. Then she looks down, and… 

“Noelle, _ma bébé,_ where are your trousers?” She laughs, scooping her up and resting her on her hip.

“I have no trousers,” she replies, as if it is the most obvious answer in the world.

“Are you sure, were there not any in your drawers?”

Jenny frowns. She is sure she did laundry this weekend. Although maybe, just maybe, she forgot. It is confirmed with a shake of her daughter’s head, and Jenny groans internally. So much for _almost_ being on time, now they are definitely _not_ going to be on time.

“Okay, can you go and find your school skirt and your fluffy tights? I’ll come and help you with your tights when I’ve finished the lunches, okay?”

Noelle nods and Jenny kisses her on the forehead before setting her back down on the floor. How the child does not have cold feet, she does not know. Returning to her task of making the packed lunches, she speeds through it; she has already accepted the fact that they will be late this morning, but she does not want to worsen that tardiness. 

A few minutes later she heads to her daughter’s bedroom, smiling proudly when she sees that she already has her skirt on and it is not inside-out, and her tights are balled up on her bed. She helps her into her tights — well, as efficiently as one can help a wriggly three-year-old into tights — and pulls her hair back into an untidy ponytail, desperately trying to reduce their lateness. After bundling Noelle into her scarf, gloves, hat and thick coat, she is slipping both their bags onto their backs when she catches the corner of the hamster cage out of her eye.

“Oh no, I forgot to feed Étoile,” she groans, dropping the laces of her untied boot and making her way to the cage. Reaching up to pluck the food from the cupboard compartment of the bookshelf, she carefully unlocks the top of the cage and refills their hamster’s food bowl, giving her a scratch between the ears with her blunt fingernail before locking the cage again and placing the food back in its high cupboard.

After finally making it out of their apartment and onto the street, Jenny tries to hurry them along as quickly as she can without them slipping in the slush that lines the pavements. It will have melted away within an hour or so, just leaving the snow on the slopes, but for now it is a royal pain.

They end up having to take a detour due to the first coach load of tourists arriving in the town square; the slopes do not officially open for a week, but some people always arrive early and take the opportunity for hiking and getting to know the town. The detour delays them even further. By the time they arrive at the gates of Noelle’s nursery school, they are already closed and they have to hold down the buzzer until her teacher pokes her head out of the door. She smiles when she sees that it is only the young girl and her mother, hurrying over to let them in.

 _“Sorry we’re late,”_ Jenny grimaces, automatically switching to French. Growing up bilingual makes her want to try her utmost best to also raise her daughter bilingual. It has proven to be an invaluable skill for her, one that did not take away from her time, and so she speaks English with Noelle when they are alone, and French in the majority of other places. It may be a bit of a struggle when she is still at such a young age, but Jenny knows that it will pay off in the long run, especially when it comes to Noelle’s exams later in life. It had been a huge help for both her and her brother, so she wants her daughter to have that same advantage where it is available.

 _“Salut,_ Noelle,” she smiles, crouching down to give her one final hug before she sends her in with her teacher. 

Noelle gives her a firm hug before skipping off into the courtyard and calling back, _“Salut,_ mama!”

Jenny waits until the door closes behind them, and then hurries her journey along to work, today that work being on the mountain. Something which she had forgotten last night when she had set her alarm, only adding to the lateness that morning. But, without a pair of considerably shorter legs to slow her down, she is able to dart through the streets much more efficiently. The chime of the church bell signals that it is now eight o’clock, and that she is officially going to be late. She cannot remember the time at which she is supposed to be meeting the new snowboarding instructors to conduct their first training session but she knows that it will be an early start, and it will take her a minimum of ten minutes to get to the cable car stop. She will then have to wait an unknown amount of time in the queue, take ten minutes to get up the mountain, and then another five minute walk from there to the first aid centre. At this point, she just has to accept that she is going to be late, and hope that it will not be too spectacularly so.

Unfortunately for Jenny, the wait for the cable car is long, and she fidgets the whole way up, barely taking in the scenery of the fresh snow around her. The other five people in the car shoot her disapproving looks for her constant knee jostling, so she tries to keep it under wraps. Which is harder than one would imagine. 

* * *

By the time Jenny gets to the first aid centre, she is most definitely late, and she curses her past self for not setting the correct alarm and for forgetting to do the laundry. The only reason she has clothes is because she has not needed her full snow gear to go up the mountain in weeks, and therefore, thankfully, it was just sitting waiting to be worn. She is grateful when she unlocks the door and it is already warm; one small advantage of being late means that others have been and gone before her, and thus, the building is not like walking into an ice cube. Although, none of the computers are on, and she curses inwardly because they take so long to come to life.

She turns her favourite one on — the one by the window — to let it warm up while she sheds her heavy jacket and backpack, unpacking the contents while she impatiently waits for the machine to wake up. Eventually it does, and when she checks her emails, her heart sinks. She was supposed to have met her students half an hour ago, and she groans out loud. More late than she thought. Jumping up from her desk, she shrugs her coat back over her shoulders and tugs her beanie down over her ears; it is still painfully cold outside.

Dashing out the door, she is so preoccupied with not being even later that she stumbles over the threshold, and straight into … someone. Better than falling face first into the snow.

“Ahh! _Désolé,_ sorry!”

As she straightens up and takes in the woman that stopped her descent, she decides that yes, this is definitely preferable to getting a mouthful of snow. She offers up a guilty smile as the woman just continues to stare at her.

“English,” the woman says, pulling her buff down from her face and smiling. “I was looking for the person who is supposed to be doing the mountain rescue training?”

Jenny takes a moment to answer, the woman’s smile being very, very distracting. 

“Ah! That would be me!” she replies, flashing another reassuring grin and readjusting her beanie on her head. The other woman has the right idea, wearing a buff, the cold air is sharp and crystallises in her lungs.

“Genevieve Lefevre. Most English speakers call me Jen or Jenny, though,” she introduces.

“Yasmin Khan, my friends call me Yaz,” she retorts, sticking out a hand to shake which Jenny takes and shakes perhaps a little over eagerly. 

“Well then Yaz, shall we?” She asks, holding open the heavy door behind her and sweeping her arm into the space to gesture for Yaz to enter. Why did she call her Yaz? Why is she being so awkward? She inwardly curses herself for her general uselessness around pretty women.

Thankfully, Yaz does not pass comment, and follows Jenny into the building. Maybe she could be content with just being friends with Yaz. Although, they have only known each other for a couple of minutes, and she mentally chasitises herself for being over eager, once again.

“Are the others following you?” She asks casually, gesturing for Yaz to take a seat on the old sofa while she settles back behind her computer to double check for any other important emails she may have missed. The first day back on the slopes means that she always has far too many emails, but a quick glance at the most recent ones confirms there is nothing overly important, and this training session is supposed to last until four o’clock, so she can check later.

“Erm, no. It’s only me starting out new this year, apparently.”

“Well then Yaz, you’re just going to have to put up with me on your own all day,” she grins, closing the programmes down on her computer and joining Yaz on the sofa.

“I’m sure it’ll be fine,” Yaz reassures, but she looks anxious about the fact. Jenny cannot blame her, she would also be apprehensive if she were starting a new job, with no coworkers in the same position as herself, and had now been told that she has to spend the whole day with a complete stranger conducting mountain rescue training. In truth, Jenny is a little nervous herself given that she is generally not too skilled in the socialising department, and she would imagine that she is going to be even less socially adept when she is left alone with an arguably gorgeous woman all day. 

“You have a lot of faith in that fact, especially considering how late I was! Sorry about that, by the way, sort of forgot I was supposed to be up here today so I didn’t set the early alarm last night, then it also turns out I didn’t do the right laundry over the weekend, and then the streets were all slippery. I think the world was a bit against me this morning,” she rambles, cutting herself off when she realises Yaz is just staring at her with a bemused expression on her face.

“That’s okay, happens to us all sometimes.”

Jenny gives an awkward smile and then launches into her usual training day spiel, deciding that occupying herself with the tasks at hand may reduce her awkwardness somewhat; she really does not want to make Yaz feel uncomfortable already. “Okay, so normally we do a sort of group bonding thing to get to know each other, but maybe since it’s just the two of us, we could take turns asking each other questions?” She proposes, slightly dreading her own suggestion almost immediately. But, she hopes that if they know each other a little better, the day will pass easier. And maybe it will help her decide if she wants to be friends with this woman, or just workplace acquaintances. She is hoping it will lean towards the first of those options.

“Yeah, sure,” Yaz agrees easily. Jenny decides she likes her already, many people would shy away from such a revealing task. She has a strong suspicion that Yaz is one to thrive independently rather than as part of a large group. A lone wolf, as such.

“Right then, I’ll start. Ever taught snowboarding before, Yaz?”

Nope, looking forward to it though. How long have you worked here?”

“This is my third year up here. What did you do before you came here?”

Jenny could swear that she saw a falter in Yaz’s expression, a crack in the brave expression that she had been adopting thus far, but it seals as quickly as it opened.

“Was a professional snowboarder, took early retirement then worked in a leisure centre back home in Sheffield, and now I’m here.”

Jenny’s eyebrows raise at the comment of early retirement. Most professional snowboarders do not usually retire until their late 30s or early 40s, but Yaz does not look to be much older than in her mid 20s. It must have been a very early retirement, and there must have been a significant reason behind it, so she saves asking about the origins of that decision for a later date.

“What do you do when you’re not working on the slopes?” Yaz’s question cuts through Jenny’s thoughts and it takes her a moment to pull herself from her subconscious musings.

“I work at the doctor’s surgery full time in town. During high season I work up here on Monday, Thursday and Friday. But I’m on call all year round,” she smiles, gesturing at the radio clipped to the waistband of her snowpants. “Okay last two questions, one each. Apart from snowboarding, what is your favourite way to spend your time?”

“Reading,” Yaz answers easily. “I can devour books if given the chance. Okay, one last question is for you. What’s with the hint of a Yorkshire accent, because that’s just plain confusing,” she teases, her eyes shining.

“Ahh, people don’t usually pick up on that. But, my dad is French, hence the name, but my mum is English, from Huddersfield, precisely. Her accent is pretty strong and she was the only person my brother and I spoke English to until we started school, so we picked it up somewhat. Me more than him though, for whatever reason.”

Yaz grins at the information, and Jenny feels herself relax. Sharing information about her family is always a little awkward, many people looking down on her for being a single mother, and so she usually chooses not to share that information until she knows the person a little better.

“Right, let’s get on with the day then,” she decides, bounding back over to her desk to grab the papers that were there when she arrived. She presumes that someone had deposited them for her before she had arrived, and she is grateful that she did not have to locate them and print them out herself.

Over the next two hours, while it is still bitterly cold outside, she takes Yaz through the boring training videos and manuals, and has her memorise radio codes and channels. She then shows her on a map where the common spots for accidents are and then they compare that to Yaz’s schedule and where she will be most often since they have extra time. Then she demonstrates on Yaz how to put a victim into a recovery position, how to keep them calm, and how to perform a few basic medical tasks that she may have to employ depending on how long it takes for help to get there. They finish quickly, so quickly in fact that they are over an hour ahead of the planned lunch break.

“Well we’re done with all the morning stuff, makes things go a lot quicker when I only have one student and I don’t have to repeat what I say in French!” She laughs, awkwardly shrugging her shoulders. 

Yaz smiles back at her in an equally awkward manner, and Jenny is so busy being entranced by said smile that it takes her an embarrassing amount of time to realise Yaz is waiting for her to explain what they are doing next.

“Okay, so we’re supposed to be heading out this afternoon to practice rescues and all that stuff, but it’ll take us at least half an hour to get up there and then three hours to get back down once we’ve done all the work. So we could take a little bit of a longer lunch break, maybe until half past twelve and then head out?” She proposes, rocking back and forth on her feet while she watches Yaz process the option.

“Sure, whatever you think is best.” Yaz pauses, chewing her lower lip in thought. “Actually, do you mind if I stay in here and eat with you? Most of the others I met this morning seemed a bit stuck up and I don’t fancy eating lunch with them. Plus I have no idea what their schedules are like for today.” Yaz laughs lightly at her last comment, and Jenny grins, perhaps a little overenthusiastically, agreeing to the idea with ease. She is yet to make any proper friends at work, usually preferring to use her breaks as a chance to have some quiet time as a respite from the chaos of her everyday life, and then rushing off to said chaotic life straight at the end of every shift. But she feels like Yaz will be easy to talk to, so she does not mind sharing her lunch break with her. 

When Yaz returns with her lunch, the two women sit and chat amicably throughout the course of their break. They both refrain from talking too much about their personal lives, it being an unspoken rule that they will refrain from that area of conversation until they perhaps get to know each other a little better. Jenny soon realises she would not mind if she and Yaz were to spend their lunch breaks together again in the future. 

After their lunch, Jenny dresses back up in all her layers, retrieves the mountain rescue equipment from the storage cupboards and a spare set of snow shoes she can attach to her sturdy boots, as well as some cross-country skis. She has her own of both items, but they had gotten lost in one of the many cupboards in her apartment when she and Noelle had moved into the place several months ago. It had been the height of summer, and so unsurprisingly, they had been shoved to the back of a cupboard to be sorted out at a later date.

Yaz does the same, and then they head back over to the staffroom for Yaz to collect her own belongings. “Nice board,” Jenny compliments when Yaz pulls her snowboard from her locker.

“Thanks,” she smiles. “It’s probably my favourite I’ve ever had.”

Jenny nods and leans casually against the wall while Yaz collects the rest of her stuff. She perks up when she spots the two small pride flags painted on the side of her helmet. One rainbow, one pink and orange.

“I like the flags on your helmet.”

Yaz looks up at her apprehensively, and Jenny reassures her with a soft smile.

“Thanks. Are your colours on there?”

Jenny nods. “Blue, yellow and pink. Although they should really add pink to the standard pride flag, right?”

“I agree,” Yaz grins, clipping her helmet to the side of her backpack before swinging the whole thing up onto her back. It lands with a heavy _clunk,_ Yaz is carrying almost half the equipment they will be using, and Jenny expects her to stagger a little under the unexpected weight, but she barely wobbles and it is unfairly attractive.

Once they are both appropriately suited and booted, the pair head out towards the ski lifts to take them as far up the mountain as they can, before they hike the last ten minutes or so. Jenny notices Yaz is huffing with the effort when they reach the top, and she looks over at her in concern as she crouches to rest her hands on her knees, taking deep lungfuls of air.

“Alright?”

“Yeah,” Yaz nods, straightening up again. “Just a bit out of practice with the altitude, I’ll get used to it.”

Jenny laughs internally at her bravado; she knows how hard it can be to readjust to the lack of oxygen, and Yaz is showing a stubborn streak.

“Just let me know if you need a break, I’d quite like to not perform any actual rescues today,” she jokes, and Yaz’s face creases into a grin. 

“Do you want to snowboard down to the ski lift station to warm up a bit and I’ll follow behind you?”

Yaz nods and rolls out her ankles while she puts her helmet on, then straps her snowboard to her feet and is off with a nod to Jenny. Jenny watches her move in smooth, well practiced motions down the mountain for a moment before snapping her boots into her skis and setting off.

The rest of the day goes well, the women working well together to complete the rescue exercises, but neither are so serious that they cannot have a giggle about the precariousness of the whole situation. Especially when Jenny makes the impulsive decision to launch herself headfirst into a large snowdrift, her legs kicking comically in the air with the intention of having Yaz practice her avalanche rescue skills by digging her out. When they part ways at the end of the day, Jenny cannot help but think that she is definitely on the road to becoming fast friends with Yasmin Khan.

* * *

“How was your day, _ma fille,”_ Jenny asks over her steaming bowl of pasta.

“Fun!” The three-year-old replies, mouth full of garlic bread and stained orange from the pasta sauce. “I play with my old friends, and I maded some new friends!”

Jenny smiles at her daughter, glad she is fitting in at her nursery school so well. She hopes that she will be able to carry some of the same friendships along with her into primary school when she starts in a few years. 

“What were their names?”

“I don’t remember,” she shrugs, her attention going back to her pasta. Jenny chuckles quietly to herself, her daughter is far too much like her at times. 

“I made a new friend at work today too,” she offers, keen to keep the conversation going. Now that she can hold a conversation, coming home and talking to Noelle is one of her favourite parts of the day. 

“Really?”

“Yeah. Her name is Yasmin, but her friends call her Yaz.”

Noelle ponders a moment before shoving her last piece of pasta into her mouth.

“I like that name,” she grins, nodding her head in approval of her mother’s new friend.

“Me too,” Jenny agrees, before standing up to clear the dishes.

“Right missy, over to the sink. Because once again, you’ve managed to dye your face orange.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading, the story will really start to pick up in the next chapter, which will appear on Tuesday!
> 
> Feel free to come and chat:  
> Twitter: @emmyphant_  
> Tumblr: @emmyphant  
> Discord: doodlesimss#8487


	3. Almost

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> At the end of the countdown the whole town square around them erupts into an array of warm light, blinding Yaz momentarily until her eyes adjust and she joins in with the awed gasps of the crowd around her. Huge snowflakes grace the sides of the lampposts, while warm white lights wind around balconies and hover between the buildings. In the town square, strings of lights radiate outwards from the centre where a huge christmas tree takes centre stage, glowing and twinkling and bathing the whole crowd in a soft glow.
> 
> Yaz turns her head to seek out Noelle’s reaction, wanting to live out the joys of Christmas through the eyes of a child. What she does not expect, however, is to turn straight into the gaze of Jenny.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Things are starting to pick up now! Enjoy this chapter :)
> 
> Thank you once again to @walkerlister for betaing :)

Before she knows it, she has been here for just over two weeks, and Yaz’s first actual week on the job is officially over, and she is exhausted in the best way. She is looking forward to spending a lazy Saturday morning in bed, letting her aching muscles relax from being harshly readjusted to snowboarding all day, every day. Unfortunately she is interrupted from her task of relaxing and dozing by a knock at her door, and she lets out a small groan of annoyance. 

“Yaz, you decent?”

“Yeah.”

The door swings open and Ryan pokes his head around, stepping into the room fully when he realises Yaz is still tucked up in bed.

“Yaz! Why’re you not up yet?” He asks, a hint of disbelief to his voice.

“Because it’s Saturday and I’m tired and my legs ache,” she replies, deadpan.

“But my old roommate is going to be here with her daughter in ten minutes and we’re babysitting.” The tone in which he explains himself implies that Yaz should have already known.

“Ryan … you never mentioned that,” Yaz groans, sitting up properly and re-doing the messy bun atop her head that had become mussed with sleep.

“Did I not?”

Yaz shakes her head.

“Ahh. Sorry?” Ryan grins guiltily, shuffling backwards out of the room.

“I’m gonna kill you,” she groans, throwing a pillow which hits the wood of the door as Ryan hastily pulls it closed behind him. 

Yaz sits for a few moments to orientate herself before she starts her day. Reluctantly swinging her legs out from her bed, she winces when the cool wooden floor hits the soles of her bare feet and causes her sore muscles to cramp up. Yaz reaches for her slippers, sliding them onto her feet with a contented hum at the fluffiness. As her feet warm up, she rolls out the stiffness in her ankle that she seems to get every morning until it cracks satisfyingly, and then massages her aching muscles a little to get them to loosen up. 

Glancing at her phone, she panics when she realises five minutes have already passed, and now she only has the same amount of time to make herself presentable. She dresses quickly in the first items she can find; comfy grey sweats, a soft, long-sleeved top and polka dot fluffy socks. She only just about has time to brush her teeth and splash some water on her face before there is a knock at the door.

She skids down the long hallway, just in time to see …

“Jenny?” She squeaks, glancing to her new friend standing in the door to her home, hand clutching a much tinier one. Once Yaz realises that Jenny and who is presumably her daughter are the people they were expecting, the surprise wears off a little. Well, maybe a little more for Yaz than for Jenny, but even then, it is only a tiny amount. 

“Wait, you two know each other?” Ryan asks, glancing between the two women who both look just as shocked as each other. Jenny’s mouth is opening and closing in confusion as she tries to find the appropriate words.

“Erm, yeah. From work. She was my mountain rescue instructor and then we’ve been hanging out a bit since,” Yaz explains, and Jenny just shrugs awkwardly.

Ryan nods in amusement, a small smirk on his face. Yaz shoots him a warning glare.

“Go on then, Noelle, go and annoy your Uncle Ryan,” Jenny grins, her former energetic nature quickly restored. “She’s had breakfast,” she adds, for Ryan’s benefit. He nods, steering the young girl into the living room and chatting away to her like it is the most natural thing in the world. She had never considered her oldest friend as a paternal person before, but she supposes that he has had plenty of practice if Jenny and her daughter had lived with him for two years. Then it hits Yaz, that is why Jenny had looked so familiar the day she met her; she had already seen her in the photographs on Ryan’s TV unit. Except the Jenny in that photograph had been a brunette, rather than blonde like she is now.

“Yaz, could I chat to you outside for a moment?” Jenny’s soft voice cuts through Yaz’s thoughts, and she looks back at her friend. Registering what she has said, Yaz nods and leads her out of the front door of the apartment to stand in the hallway.

“So this is a bit weird,” Yaz jokes, folding her arms over her stomach and toying with her sleeves anxiously.

“Yeah,” Jenny breathes out a laugh. “Sorry I didn’t tell you about my daughter. I tend not to mention her until I know a person better. Didn’t know you were Ryan’s new roommate though, or I would have told you.”

“It’s alright,” Yaz reassures, shrugging so as to show that she really is not bothered. “I get it, you want to keep her safe.”

Jenny nods, her expression visibly relaxing a little. “That. And some people can be a bit judgy about the whole single parent thing.”

“Ahh. Well, please know I don’t think of you any different.”

“Really?” Jenny asks, cocking her head to one side with a bemused smile.

“Yeah, Ryan has only told me good things about the two of you, although of course I only just found out that it was you he was talking about, and he’s my oldest friend. I trust his instinct. Plus we’ve become good friends over the last couple of weeks, and you really do seem like a genuinely lovely person.”

Yaz could have sworn that she saw a blush creep into Jenny’s cheeks at that statement, but any hint of pink is gone as soon as Yaz had seen it.

“Oh, thanks,” is all Jenny manages to mutter out in reply, and Yaz grins at her flustered temperament.

“What did you say her name is, again?”

“Noelle.”

“Doesn’t that mean Christmas?” Yaz inquires with a puzzled look.

Jenny laughs, a wide but slightly sheepish grin in her face. “Yeah. She was born on Christmas Day, and I was a bit out of it.”

Yaz nods, laughing along. The name may have amusing origins, but she finds it most likely suits the young girl well, from what Yaz has already seen of her.

“Well, erm, I’ve got to get to work. Doctor’s surgery today,” she explains, fingers fiddling with the zipper on her coat as she shrugs her backpack onto her shoulders.

“Oh, right, yeah. Well, I’ll see you later when you pick her up?” Yaz asks, hopefully.

“Yeah, see you later, Yaz.”

“See you later, Jen!” Yaz calls out after her, not stepping back in the apartment until her footsteps on the stairwell fade to nothing.

* * *

Half an hour later, Yaz munches her way through a bowl of cereal at the kitchen island while Ryan sits at the table with Noelle opposite her, colouring in. She smiles as they interact, Noelle’s tongue poking out the corner of her mouth in an adorable display of concentration, much in the same manner as Jenny when she is tying her shoelaces or reading a complicated email. Not that Yaz has noticed.

“Yaz?” A tentative voice pipes up, and Yaz looks up from her bowl to see Noelle smiling at her shyly from behind her sheet of paper.

“Yes, sweetheart?”

“Who did a better drawing?” She asks, turning the paper around when Ryan does the same. Yaz puts her bowl down and leans forward and rests her chin on her fisted hands, exaggerating her facial expressions for Noelle’s benefit. Of course in terms of actual artistic ability, Ryan’s is better, his photographer’s eye helping him create a surprisingly accurate recreation of the view out of the kitchen window using nothing but a box of wax crayons. While Noelle’s is a typical, scribbly attempt of a three-year-old, it has rainbows on it, so that seals the deal for Yaz.

“Hmmm. I think that would have to be Miss Noelle over here,” she grins, hopping down from her stool and ruffling her loose curls in affection. 

“I beat you, Uncle Ryan!” She sing-songs, grinning when Ryan rolls his eyes playfully and slumps his head onto the table.

“I still love you, though,” she adds, suddenly worried that she’s offended him.

“I know you do, kiddo,” he reassures, sitting up properly and pulling her into a sideways hug.

“Yaz?”

“Yes?”

“Can I do your makeup?”

Yaz hesitates a little, the idea of having a three-year-old doing her makeup is quite frankly terrifying, but the look she is giving her is so much akin to an eager puppy that it’s impossible to say no.

“Alright then,” she acquises, and Noelle hops down from the table with a squeal of excitement. She grabs Yaz’s hand and drags her towards the living room.

“Have fun, Yaz,” Ryan snickers to her retreating form.

“You next, Uncle Ryan!” Noelle calls back with a mischievous grin.

* * *

Long after Jenny had come to pick up Noelle, the evening well and truly set in, Yaz is sitting in the living room with Ryan, watching him work his way through some game on his console. She is not too sure what exactly he is playing, but there are far too many guns for her liking. So, she sticks to her book, a mug of hot chocolate warming her from the inside-out.

“So —“ Ryan starts, pausing his game “— you and Jenny?” He teases, raising his eyebrows suggestively.

“What about us?” Yaz marks her page and takes a sip of her beverage.

“Is there anything going on between you two?”

“Ryan!” Yaz protests. “We’re just friends.”

“Hmm, sure.”

“Ryan seriously, she’s my friend. She’s got a kid, it’s not like I could ask her out even if I want to,” Yaz explains, heat rushing into her cheeks as she looks down to her lap.

“Ooh, so you  _ do _ like her?” Ryan probes, and Yaz rolls her eyes at his persistence.

“Maybe. Yeah. It’s just — she’s got her daughter to think about. And I don’t  _ live  _ here.” Yaz tips her head back onto the sofa cushions, and Ryan abandons his controller to pat her knee awkwardly through the blanket.

“You’re here for a long while, Yaz. And there’s every chance you’ll be coming back. Just think about it. I know Jenny, and I know you. To be honest I think you’d be great for each other.”

Yaz simply shrugs, flushing further at the implication that there  _ could  _ be something between her and Jenny if they both wanted there to be.

“Alright, I’ll think about it,” hiding her small smile behind a sip of hot chocolate.

“You’ll thank me later.”

* * *

“Okay Yaz, one more time. How do you say ‘Where can I find the best bakery in town?’” Jenny grins, leaning forward in her chair so she is closer to Yaz. It is one of their lunch breaks, and Jenny seems to have taken in upon herself to try and improve Yaz’s lackluster French abilities in their spare time.

Yaz furrows her brow for a moment, figuring out the sentence in her head before she attempts to say it out loud.

_ "Où est la plus bonne boulangerie dans la ville?”  _ Yaz tries, looking at Jenny expectantly.

“Almost,” she grins, her smile and the way her eyes crinkle putting Yaz at ease immediately.  _ “Plus bonne,  _ doesn’t work in French, it would be the same as saying ‘most good’ in English, so you want to use  _ meillure _ instead.”

Yaz groans in frustration and covers her face with her hands. She feels as though she will never get the grasp of the language. 

Jenny allows her hand to fall to Yaz’s knee to squeeze gently in what Yaz presumes is supposed to be a gesture of comfort, but actually just sends sparks shooting up her leg at the contact despite being through her thick thermal trousers. She swallows reflexively, desperately hoping that Jenny will not notice how flushed her cheeks have suddenly become.

“It’s alright, you’ll get there. It’s a lot to remember,” she reassures.

* * *

“Yaz, did you know that we have a hamster?” Noelle asks, looking up from the colouring book she has been working through. It is a Friday evening and Yaz is once again babysitting while Jenny runs a few errands in town.

“No, I didn’t,” Yaz smiles. “What’s your hamster’s name?”

“Etoile,” she grins. “She’s really fluffy.”

“I bet.”

“You want to meet her?” The tiny brunette asks, looking at Yaz seriously.

“If I ever come to your house, I would love to meet your hamster.”

* * *

“Jenny, can I ask you a question? You don’t have to answer if it’s too personal,” she adds when Jenny looks concerned.

“Erm … sure,” she mumbles, looking a little apprehensive. Yaz decides to, a little awkwardly, pat her shoulder in a display of comfort, but she could swear that Jenny tenses up at her touch and flushes a touch more pink.

“I was just wondering … Noelle must have come from somewhere — wait, that doesn’t sound right,” she breaks off with an embarrassed laugh.

“It doesn’t matter, forget I tried to ask.”

“You want to know about her dad?” Jenny asks, correctly assuming the situation.

“Yeah.”

“That’s — erm — that’s okay. I mean, I’m not comfortable telling you all the details just yet, but I can give you the abridged version.”

“Jenny, it’s fine, you don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to,” Yaz reiterates, impulsively taking her friend’s hand and squeezing gently. The skin is warm and smooth under her palm, peppered with a few small freckles.

“No, I think I actually want to tell you. I met her dad in university, he was studying law while I was doing medicine. It was a love and first sight thing, and he proposed after two years, and I said yes. Quite soon after that we found that Noelle was coming along, so the wedding got postponed. We … erm, we never ended up getting married. After she was born he was, well, he was different. I ended up choosing to leave him when Noelle was about seven months old. I managed to apply to complete my last year of my degree remotely, which was how I ended up here.”

Yaz is concerned that Jenny has told her too much, she is shaking and a little pale, paler than usual, so she pulls her into a hug and she can feel her heart beating wildly against her own chest. 

“I’m sorry I made you tell me,” Yaz confesses, letting Jenny go slightly.

“No, it’s fine. I haven’t really told anyone for a while, and of course there are more details, but it felt good to get out. Thank you for listening,” she says sincerely, staring with an intense gaze into Yaz’s eyes. They stay locked in the mutual gaze for an unknown length of time before the door swings open and one of Jenny’s colleagues comes through the door. The blonde gives a polite nod before flicking her gaze back to Yaz.

It is clear that their conversation will not continue, but Yaz feels as though they have made a significant leap forward in their friendship, and that she is glad for.

* * *

“Are you alright, Yaz?” Jenny asks as they step onto the cable car together to begin their descent back down to the town.

“Yeah, good thanks. Just a bit, weirdly nervous but excited?” She half states, half asks.

“Why’re you nervous?” Jenny pats the seat next to her, which Yaz sinks into.

“I dunno. This is just a family tradition for you guys, right? It feels a little awkward to be intruding…” Yaz trails off, running her fingers over the rainbow stripe on her snowboard. It always has a strangely comforting effect on her.

“Yeah, it’s our tradition, but Noelle adores you and she asked you to come with us. And for the record, I’d like you to be there too,” the blonde reassures, squeezing Yaz’s knee to affirm her point. Yaz’s breath catches in her throat.

It has been a whole month since Jenny unexpectedly turned up with Noelle at her and Ryan’s apartment, and she has fallen hard and fast for the small family. She has not had that much prior experience with young children, but Noelle had warmed her way into her heart easily and now Yaz will jump at any opportunity to spend time with her, especially if it means spending time with Jenny. Her relationship with her coworker, or friend, is a little more complicated to say the least. She knows she has feelings for Jenny, and she suspects that they are reciprocated, that much was obvious after the first week, but she is determined not to let them take over. She is here to work, to reignite her love of snowboarding and hopefully get her life back on track. Besides, she is only here for six months or so, and she does not want to get attached. Especially when there is a child involved. So, she is, perhaps unwisely, quashing her feelings and hoping that they will eventually just go away.

“She doesn’t know I’m coming with you to pick her up from school though, right?” Yaz tries to get the conversation back on track.

“Nope,” Jenny grins. “She thinks you’re meeting us after dinner. She’s going to be so excited.” Jenny chuckles at the last sentence, and it makes Yaz’s heart flutter.

“Should I be prepared for her to launch herself at me?”

“Absolutely. It’s an inevitability.”

The rest of the journey passes quickly, Yaz marvelling at the view as the details of the town slowly come into view as they descend. She will likely never get over the beauty of this place.

The walk through town is brief, Jenny had said Noelle’s school is close to the cable car stop, but she had not realised just how close. Still, she has to rely on Jenny for navigation, Yaz is still unfamiliar with this end of town.

When they arrive at the school, children are already streaming out of the doors and into the courtyard into the waiting hands of their parents. Despite her French already having improved over the last month, mostly thanks to Jenny making her practice on their shared lunch breaks, there is still far too much conversation going on for Yaz to be able to concentrate on figuring out what is being said. Thankfully, just at that moment a familiar young girl comes barrelling out of the doors, making a beeline for her mother. But then she sees Yaz standing beside her, and switches her course abruptly. 

“Yaz!” She yells, and the woman in question bends down to catch her when Noelle slams into her with her whole body weight. Yaz easily swings her up into the air and then settles her on her hip, grinning at the eager greeting.

“Huh! Now I know who’s the favourite,” Jenny teases, but Noelle completely ignores her in favour of staring adoringly at Yaz. It proves Jenny’s point quite nicely, in fact.

They start to walk, so Yaz sets Noelle back down on the ground. The youngster keeps hold of Yaz’s hand but takes her mother’s too, so now they are walking with Noelle swinging her hands between them both.

“Why you here?” She asks Yaz, looking at her quizzically from under her purple bobble hat.

“Well, I was talking to your mum and we both thought it would be a bit silly for me to go back to my house and then come and find you when I was already with your mum. So we decided I would just stay with you for dinner before we go and see the lights!” She explains, and Noelle’s expression turns to a pleased smile, her nose scrunching up in a fashion not dissimilar from her mother’s.

“Does that sound like fun, sweetheart?” Jenny questions, and Noelle nods her head enthusiastically.

“What are we having for dinner?” 

Yaz laughs under her breath. Mind on food, she must have lived with Ryan too long.

“Well, I thought we could make our own pizzas.”

Noelle  _ squeals  _ in excitement and starts hopping up and down on the pavement. Yaz’s free hand flies out to catch her as she almost slips on an icy patch in her enthusiasm.

“Can I make mine into a smiley face?”

“Of course you can, sweetheart. But, here we are, Yaz! Welcome to our humble abode!”

* * *

“Yaz?”

“Yes, Noelle?”

“I like the stripies on your hat,” she says shyly, pointing to the two colourful flags gracing the side of her snowboarding helmet.

“Thank you, sweetheart,” she grins, passing her helmet over to the young girl for her to study. Jenny has wandered off somewhere down the hallway, presumably to the kitchen.

“Mama has this stripey on her computer —” Noelle explains, pointing to the rainbow flag “— but her other one do not look like that,” she finishes, her little fingertip moving over to the lesbian pride flag.

“No? Do you remember the name of the other one?” Yaz muses out loud, studying her thoughtful expression.

She shakes her head, warm brown eyes searching down the corridor for her mother. “No, I think it’s the kitchen one.”

Yaz holds back a giggle.

“Pansexual,  _ bébé,” _ Jenny grins, poking her head out of a doorway opposite them.

“Yes! Pans are in the kitchen!” Noelle insists, and now it is hard not to laugh, giggles bubbling up between the two women.

“Well she’s not wrong.”

* * *

“Mama, look at my smiley!” Noelle enthuses, starting to lift up her pizza to show her mother until Yaz catches it at the last moment, stopping all the toppings sliding to the table and ruining her carefully crafted masterpiece.

“That’s a great smiley, Noelle! Yaz, what did you do on yours?”

“The mountains,” she smiles, spinning her own pizza around on the table so Jenny, opposite her, can see.

“Very nice,” she hums before spinning her own around. Although, it is a little aggressive, and a few pieces of sweetcorn make a break for it across the dark expanse of the dining table. “I went for a UFO.”

“Of course you did.”

Finishing touches are put to each pizza, and then Jenny carries them all through to the kitchen to put into the oven. Yaz is surprised when a small hand works its way into hers and tugs her out of the family room, down the hallway.

“Can you do my hair like yours?” The request is polite as she gazes at Yaz’s twin dutch braids hanging over her shoulders.

“Sure,” Yaz agrees easily, and allows Noelle to lead her down the hallway and into her own bedroom. It is bright and colourful and every bit a reflection of her personality, the bed that resembles a little house draped with fairy lights being Yaz’s personal favourite feature. She watches with quiet amusement when the young form stands on tippy toes to retrieve a hairbrush and a handful of bobbles from the top of her dresser.

Yaz sits down on the edge of the bed and Noelle plops down on the floor between her ankles, dutifully passing up the hairbrush.

She starts by securing half of the loose brown curls into a ponytail to keep them out of the way, and then she starts to tame the other half into a neat plait that lies snug against her head. It is a little awkward at first, Yaz only really used to plaiting her own hair, certainly not used to a wriggling three-year-old, but she soon finds a groove and distracts Noelle with easy chatter.

She has just finished the first plait and is combing out the hair for the second with her fingers when Jenny pokes her head around the bedroom door, softening at the sight before her.

“I thought I heard some giggling coming from in here,” she says with a smile, padding over to sink down next to Yaz on rainbow-littered sheets.

“Noelle asked me if I could do her hair like mine,” Yaz explains, nimble fingers weaving the strands together with practiced confidence.

“Yaz is better at hair than you,” Noelle grins with mischief, giggling when Jenny gives a mock gasp of offence and collapses dramatically back onto the bed.

“I don’t think your mummy has enough of her own hair to have much practice,” Yaz quips, flashing Jenny an equally mischievous grin.

“That’s true. Anyway, we’ve got ten minutes until pizzas, but we’ll have to eat quickly if we want to make it to the lights on time.”

“Well —” Yaz starts, plucking another bobble from between Noelle’s fingertips “— we’re all done here!”

* * *

“Warm enough,  _ bébé?”  _ Jenny checks in with her daughter perched on her lap. Noelle nods and leans back against her mother’s chest with a contented sigh, munching on a hot donut from the bag they had just purchased and spilling crumbs and sugar everywhere. Most of the curls around her hairline have already come loose from the plaits Yaz had produced earlier, but they stick out from under her purple bobble hat in such an adorable fashion that Yaz finds she really does not mind.

What she also does not mind is the way she has been forced to sit pressed up against Jenny on the bench. On one side of her is Jenny with Noelle on her lap, the other is Ryan who is leaning away with his arm tucked around Clara’s shoulders. She feels a little as though she is intruding on their date but Clara and Ryan had seemed not to mind, so she paid it no further attention. Besides, being completely squished up against Jenny is enough of a distraction for her thoughts to be focused on nothing but the warmth radiating out from the body next to hers.

Yaz is just about to work herself up into an existential crisis of just exactly  _ why _ she is feeling this flustered about her proximity to the other woman when all around them, people erupt into cheers and then start to count down from ten.

_ Dix, neuf, huit, sept, six, cinq, quatre, trois, deux, un, zéro! _

At the end of the countdown the whole town square around them erupts into an array of warm light, blinding Yaz momentarily until her eyes adjust and she joins in with the awed gasps of the crowd around her. Huge snowflakes grace the sides of the lampposts, while warm white lights wind around balconies and hover between the buildings. In the town square, strings of lights radiate outwards from the centre where a huge christmas tree takes centre stage, glowing and twinkling and bathing the whole crowd in a soft glow.

Yaz turns her head to seek out Noelle’s reaction, wanting to live out the joys of Christmas through the eyes of a child. What she does not expect, however, is to turn straight into the gaze of Jenny.

“Hey,” she breathes, voice suddenly small and shy in the unprecedented situation.

“Hey,” Jenny whispers back, eyes flicking ever so briefly down to Yaz’s lips as she moves her head a fraction of an inch closer.

_ Is she about to kiss me?  _ Yaz thinks as her heart rate speeds up. In fact, it is so fast that if the surroundings were quieter, she is sure that Jenny would be able to hear it trying to burst out of her chest. Her own eyes flick down to Jenny’s lips, taking in the wonky slope of her upper lip and how they are slightly chapped as a result of the cold weather, despite how much chapstick both of them apply on a regular basis. As Jenny leans closer, Yaz’s suspicions are confirmed.

_ Oh my god, I’m about to kiss Jenny. _

Yaz closes her eyes and closes the gap. Their faces are millimeters apart, hot breath ghosting over each other's skin when there is a squeal of static and both women jump back in surprise, breathing heavily. Seconds later,  _ Petit Papa Noel _ comes out of the speakers dotted throughout the square, and Noelle jumps down from her mother’s lap in excitement, pulling her up to dance, completely unaware of the almost kiss that was interrupted just behind her head.

The last thing Yaz sees before Jenny turns her head away is an apologetic smile, and her heart beats wildly in her chest.

_ Well then,  _ she thinks.  _ Neither of us can deny anything now. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> See you on Friday!


	4. Questions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome to: Jenny having an existential crisis that she really doesn't need to have, and Ryan being 5000% done with the both of them. Enjoy!
> 
> Thank you once again to WalkerLister for being my wonderful beta reader!

It is definitely too early for Jenny to be awake, especially on her Saturday off. Even more so when she had awoken of her own accord, rather than Noelle bounding in and jumping on her, demanding breakfast. Perhaps her daughter had finally grasped the concept of her sun and moon clock, that maybe she was waiting to see the light fade to yellow and for the moon to change to a sun to tell her she could get up. They had been working towards the, in theory, simple series of events for months, and Jenny is really hoping it had finally sunk in and she would, from here on, be guaranteed peace and quiet until at least half past six on weekdays, half past seven on weekends. Pure bliss, if her theory is correct.

Finding that she is unable to fall back asleep, Jenny rolls over to look out of her bedroom window at the street below, pulling her knees up to her chest in thought. She had almost kissed Yaz yesterday. So very nearly. And Yaz had almost kissed her back. She had, right? Yaz had wanted to kiss her too? The more Jenny thinks about it, the more she begins to doubt her own feelings. Yes, Yaz had not pulled away from her when Jenny had leant in, in fact Yaz had also contributed in closing the distance between them, so there was every possibility that Yaz had wanted to kiss her too. But, they had been interrupted before anything could happen, so there is no way that Jenny can know for certain, to know if Yaz really would have kissed her or if either one of them would have pulled away at the last second.

Jenny lies still for a few more minutes, toying with a loose thread at the edge of her duvet. She allows her mind to wander a little while she listens to the town waking up around her. At this point, it would be impossible to reason that she does not have feelings for Yaz, it is plain as day that she does. The real question is, whether or not she should act on them. There are two, huge, enormous, factors she has to consider. The first being Yaz herself, and whether she is interested in pursuing a relationship with Jenny. Yaz is only here for a short time, and although Jenny would consider her a friend at this point, she still does not know Yaz all that well, certainly not well enough to be able to know if she would be interested in taking things further. 

Her second, and bigger, factor is that of Noelle. She cannot just jump into a relationship with Yaz, she has to consider the effect it would have on her daughter. The idea of her having another older figure in her life, someone who could possibly become a parental figure for her, is a huge deal for Jenny to consider. If there is going to be anyone, it has to be the right person. Furthermore, there is also the possibility that the relationship with Yaz would not work out and that Noelle would have become too attached. Well, more attached than she has already become. It would seem that her daughter has fallen for Yaz just as hard as she has. On the other hand, if the relationship were to work out, there would be the question of where Yaz would end up when she leaves her job here to go back to England. Would she perhaps stay? Would they try long distance until Yaz would be able to return for another season, if she chooses to do so? There are just too many factors to consider.

Thankfully, her spiralling thoughts are halted from going any further by a familiar gentle chime of an alarm clock from the room across the hallway from hers. A thud of feet, five steps. A creak of a door, three more steps, and then the creak of her own door as Noelle skips into her bedroom and jumps straight up onto the bed, landing spread-eagle across Jenny’s form.

“Good morning, mama!”

“Good morning honey, did you wait for your clock to change?”

“Yes I did,” she exclaims proudly, hair wild and cheeks pink with sleep.

“Well done, I’m proud of you. Hug?”

Noelle nods and wraps her limbs around her mother, squeezing tight and giggling when Jenny moves her hands to tickle at her sides.

“Do you want to go and open the advent calendars, kiddo?” Jenny proposes, perhaps more excited about the prospect of chocolate before breakfast that the three year old perched on her stomach.

“Yes!” She yells at a volume far too loud for this hour, jumping out of bed and grabbing Jenny’s hand to drag her after her.

* * *

It has now been a week since their almost kiss, and it is fair to say that the air between them both had been nothing short of awkward. The three days a week that Jenny worked at the first-aid centre on the mountain, Yaz had still come and eaten lunch with her like usual, but their conversation was a little more stilted and awkward than usual. Perhaps not to an outsider, but Jenny had picked up on it straight away and it is making her vaguely uncomfortable. Not so much that the awkwardness exists, but what it represents, what it means. It means that Yaz is having a lot of complicated feelings about their almost kiss too. That she had definitely recognised it as something that could have very easily happened had they not been interrupted. Although, how Yaz feels about the events that almost transpired, is a whole other question entirely, one that has Jenny’s heart taking up an uncomfortable residence in her mouth as she walks up the stairs to Yaz and Ryan’s apartment, Noelle’s hand in hers.

Four raps on the door signal their arrival, except it is Yaz who swings open the door to greet them, and not Ryan like usual.

“Morning! No Ryan?” she asks, immediately cringing at herself. Of course it is not a problem that Ryan is not here, just mildly inconvenient, given the current situation between Yaz and herself.

“He wanted to go out and capture the sunrise, or something,” she replies, gaze flicking up to Jenny before it settles on Noelle with a bright smile. “So it’s just us two for a bit this morning, sweetheart!”

Noelle grins and bounds forward straight into Yaz’s arms with an excited squeal. Seeing how comfortable Noelle is with Yaz already makes Jenny’s decisions both so much easier and so, so much harder. She bids the pair a farewell before heading off to work, her head even more scrambled than it had been previously. She certainly has a lot of thinking to do.

* * *

“Jenny? Jen!”

Yaz’s voice cuts through Jenny’s haze of thought and she snaps her head up from her computer screen. It’s not like she was properly reading it anyway, although she is grateful to herself that she at least has the sense to close the tab before Yaz crosses the room and pulls a chair up next to her. She doesn’t think the ‘guide to dating as a single parent’ article she currently has pulled up would help her case with the other woman very much. And in all honesty, it was just making her more confused and agitated about the possibility of asking Yaz out on a date.

“Hmm, yeah?”

“Are you alright? You’ve just been very distracted this week,” Yaz implores, resting a hand on Jenny’s arm and rubbing her thumb comfortingly. Well, that is really not helping her become less distracted, it is having quite the opposite effect.

“Yeah … just been having a lot going on with Christmas and Noelle’s birthday coming up.”

It is a half-truth. While those are things she is actively thinking about, and should probably be thinking about more, it is almost entirely the thought of Yaz taking up the function of the majority of her brain cells. But of course, she cannot tell Yaz that.

Yaz stares at her for a long moment, her expression unreadable, until Jenny’s computer pings with an email notification. Regrettably, she tears her gaze away from Yaz’s unfairly perfect face to read it, groaning aloud when she takes in the subject line.

“What is it?”

“Mandatory team building session tonight, and I forgot,” she frowns, clicking on the notification to open it and read the email in full.

“Oh god, it’s straight after my shift and it doesn’t finish until 8.”

She frowns as she tries to figure out the logistics, she will have to find someone willing to both pick up Noelle from school and then watch her until Jenny can come and collect her. And she only has three and a half hours to find someone.

“Do you want me to pick Noelle up from school?” Yaz asks, and Jenny’s head moves around so fast she is sure she may have just given herself whiplash.

“Could you?”

Yaz nods, squeezing with the hand that is still resting on Jenny’s forearm. Her breath catches in her throat.

“Of course. I think Ryan and I were planning on having chicken and vegetables for dinner so we can easily make extra. Will she eat that?”

“Erm, yeah. Just so long as you don’t try and give her peas, it’s not worth the argument. The one vegetable I’ll let her get away with not eating,” Jenny laughs, and Yaz joins in.

“Got it, no peas.”

“And you’re sure you don’t mind watching her until I’m done?” She checks, and Yaz shakes her head.

“It would be a pleasure, really. She’s great.” Yaz gives a small smile, and Jenny mirrors it, with an added blush to her cheeks. This woman is really after her heart, and she probably doesn’t even realise it.

* * *

Later that evening, Jenny is exhausted when she drags her feet up the last few stairs towards Yaz and Ryan’s apartment. The mandatory team building session had been draining, not only because she had been unexpectedly forced to add four hours to her shift, but also because it had involved far too much socialising for her liking. Socialising with her friends is generally fine, but with a whole group of coworkers, none of whom she particularly likes, is certainly not a way she would choose to spend a Thursday evening. 

She raps lightly on the door and it swings open a few moments later to reveal Ryan with a finger held to his lips, beckoning Jenny inside and shutting the door gently behind her.

“They fell asleep,” he whispers, pointing through to the living room to one of the most endearing sights Jenny has ever laid her eyes upon. Yaz is half laying, half sitting along the length of the sofa with her eyes closed, Noelle curled up on top of her with her head on her chest and lips parted in sleep. They are both covered in a blanket, and it softens Jenny completely until she is practically a puddle on the floor.

“Well that’s just not fair,” she mumbles.

“Hmm?”

“Nothing!”

“Jen, come on.” Ryan nods his head to get her to follow him out of the room.

In the kitchen, Ryan pulls out a chair at the dining table and Jenny copies. She sinks into it gratefully, her bones tired from her unexpectedly long day.

“Right, what’s going on with you and Yaz?”

“What?”

“Seriously, Jen. There’s something going on between you two, I know you both too well.”

“Ryan, there’s nothing.” She glances up at him, and he narrows his eyes until she cracks.

“Genevieve…”

“Well, not yet, anyway,” she mutters under her breath.

“Hah, I knew it!”

“Ryan, please don’t…”

“Please don’t what? Jenny, it’s clear as day that both you and Yaz have feelings for each other, and you’re both holding back. The pair of you are driving me mad, you’ve really got to do something about that.”

Jenny rolls her eyes and sighs before gazing down at her fidgeting hands in her lap.

“Jen, do you want to pursue something with Yaz?”

“I mean, yes, but —”

“So just ask her.”

“I can’t!”

“Why not?”

Jenny sighs again and lifts her gaze. “Noelle.”

“Ah.”

“Yes.”

Ryan frowns in thought while Jenny fights with her own questions, still trying to figure out what she wants to do about any of this. 

“Noelle adores her already though. And Yaz adores her right back. So you’ve got no problems there.”

Jenny nods slowly. He does have a point. 

“But I don’t want her to get too attached. I don’t want her to get attached and things not work out with Yaz, it would hurt her more than it would hurt me,” Jenny admits, chewing at her fingernail. Ryan bats it away.

“Jen, she’s already attached. So she’s going to be upset when Yaz goes back to Sheffield whether you two are a couple or not. And honestly? I think you should ask Yaz on a date. If she says no, then you both know where you stand and there’ll be no more dancing around the matter. And if she says yes, then there are so many possibilities there for both of you.”

“I guess.”

“Exactly. Now go in there, take your daughter home and please convince Yaz to move to her bedroom because she snores like a steam train and I’d really rather not hear that,” Ryan grins, giving her a playful shove on the shoulder.

Jenny rolls her eyes one last time for good measure before standing up and padding back to the living room. When she walks in, Yaz is awake now and softly stroking Noelle’s back. Jenny warms at the image.

“Thought I heard voices,” Yaz whispers. “She fell asleep halfway through Frozen II.”

“Are you sure that’s my daughter?” Jenny laughs, bending down to shake her shoulder.

“Noelle, sweetheart. Time to wake up.”

The youngster snuffles into Yaz’s chest before blinking lazily, turning her head to frown at the source of the jostling.

“Hey, honey. Time to go home.”

Noelle frowns and shakes her head, turning it to press her face back against Yaz’s skin. “Noooo. Yaz … sleepy,” she mumbles, squirming in disapproval at being woken up. Both women giggle softly at her sleepy disgruntlement.

“Take the blanket,” Yaz suggests, and Jenny nods, scooping Noelle up, blanket and all. She’s a dead weight when she rests against her mother’s shoulder, and Jenny is ever grateful that Noelle is on the petite side and mountain rescue training keeps her arms strong.

“I’ll see you tomorrow?” Yaz asks, a hopeful tint to her voice.

“See you tomorrow.”

* * *

“Hiya mum, hiya dad!” Jenny grins as the video call connects and her parents pop up on her laptop screen.

_ “Mamie, Papi!” _ Noelle grins, bouncing up and down on the sofa next to her mother. Jenny places a hand on her legs to try and still her bounciness just a little. Not that she tends to mind the bouncing, but it jostles the laptop and makes the whole video call experience more nauseating for everyone involved.

_ “Salut, mon chou,” _ Jenny’s dad grins, his voice gruff and his southern accent potentially even stronger than the last time they spoke. This is probably the most he will say for the whole conversation, but she really cannot expect much else. It makes her miss home, despite how much more suited she is to the mountains here than the beaches back home in Marseille. Her twin brother, on the other hand, has never been able to settle anywhere and is constantly travelling. Since they left university, she has not known Thomas to stay in one place for more than six months, his work as a journalist taking him all around the globe. He says journalist, although really Jenny thinks it is more akin to a conspiracy investigator. As far as she remembers, he is currently residing in Morocco. She thinks.

“How is my gorgeous granddaughter?” Sarah Jane asks, and Noelle beams.

“I good!” she replies, finally stopping her fidgeting and snuggling into Jenny’s side.

“And how’s my daughter?”

“Alright.”

Her mother raises her eyebrows.

“Okay, a bit tired. The start of the new season is always exhausting,” she admits, playing with Noelle’s curls absentmindedly. Yaz had braided her hair again when she had looked after her yesterday, and Noelle had insisted on keeping them in. Of course a good portion of her curls have already come loose and have haloed around her head, but the braids are still mostly intact.

“Yeah, but you’ve been back up there over a month now, haven’t you? Surely you should be used to it by now.”

Jenny sighs and nods. “There’s just been a lot going on this year, that’s all,” she reassures. It is not a complete lie, and in truth she would like to discuss the subject of Yaz with her mum, but she should really wait until she has put Noelle to bed so they can discuss things properly. 

“Noelle, who did your hair? It looks far too fancy for your mum,” she asks, changing the subject while also taking the opportunity to make fun of her only daughter.

“Yaz!”

“Ooh, who’s Yaz?”

“Mama’s friend,” she grins, looking up at Jenny.

“And why haven’t I heard anything about this friend, Genevieve?” She asks, raising her eyebrows. Jenny knows she is not going to get out of something when Sarah Jane uses her full name.

“I’ll tell you more later,” Jenny replies with an insistent raise of her eyebrows. Thankfully she drops the subject and their conversation moves onto other matters, mostly discussions of their plans for Christmas and Noelle’s birthday, when the family are arriving, and how long they are staying for, what their plans are while they are here.

The conversation continues for another half an hour before Noelle gives an almighty yawn and snuggles further into Jenny, her eyes fighting to stay open.

“I think someone needs to go to bed,” she smiles, looking down at her sleepy daughter.

“I think so. We’ll say our goodbyes, then,” Sarah Jane smiles, looking fondly at her granddaughter.

“Can I call you back when I’ve put her to bed?” Jenny asks.

“Of course, we’ll be here. Now, goodnight Noelle!”

_ “Bonne nuit, Mamie,”  _ she mumbles, already half gone and on the edge of slumber. Jenny thanks her past self for having the foresight to put her in her pyjamas before the call.

Jenny cuts off the call and picks Noelle up to carry her to her bedroom, her small form slumped over her shoulder. She tucks her into bed carefully and drops a butterfly kiss to her forehead before turning on the starry night light and closing the door quietly behind her.

She takes a few minutes to herself to make a hot chocolate before sitting back down on the sofa and calling her parents back. When the video comes up, it is just her mother this time, but Jenny finds she does not mind. Her dad does not tend to be the most conversational, and she is sure her mum will fill him in with all the necessary details later.

“So, this Yaz. Who is she?”

“Geez, get straight to the point mum!” Jenny says sarcastically before taking a sip of her hot chocolate. Of course it is still too hot, and she purses her lips as the scalding liquid makes her mouth sting.

“Well, that is why you called back, isn’t it?”

“Yes,” Jenny sighs. There is no getting out of the conversation now.

“Exactly. Now tell me about her.”

“Well her name is Yasmin. We’re work friends. I was supposed to be teaching all the new snowboarding instructors, but she was the only new one this year. She also happens to be Ryan’s new roommate, but I’m pretty sure they’ve been friends since they were kids. She babysits Noelle sometimes, and the three of us have hung out once or twice,” Jenny explains in one big rush before taking another generous sip of her drink.

“And she’s just a friend?”

“Yeah. I think so.”

“Ahh. So she’s a friend but you want her to be more than a friend?” Sarah Jane’s guess hits the nail on the head, and Jenny is both grateful that she does not have to do any more explaining than necessary, but also slightly vexed that apparently her mother can read her that easily.

“Yeah. I mean, we took Noelle to watch the lights get turned on in the town square last weekend and we nearly kissed.”

Jenny almost laughs as her mother’s eyebrows almost shoot off her face with the speed at which she raises them. “Oh, so this is a serious possibility?”

Jenny nods.

“Well, why didn’t you kiss her, then?”

“We got interrupted by a staticy speaker, and then Noelle wanted to dance with me. And it’s driving me mad because I don’t know where to go from here.”

“Jenny, you’ve not dated anyone since you left Olivier, have you?”

The woman in question shakes her head with a sigh and another sip of her hot chocolate.

“And that’s okay, sweetheart, because you were focused on Noelle and that’s what you needed to do at that time. But I think, if you’re interested in someone, it means you’re ready to date. If Noelle likes her and you like her, it can’t harm to just ask her on a date. If it leads to something more, that’s great, and I would be so happy for you. But if it didn’t, then at least you know and you won’t always be asking yourself ‘what if.’ Alright?”

Jenny laughs out loud, because that is not the first time she has heard almost those exact words. “That’s pretty much what Ryan said,” she divulges, and her mother throws her arms up in exasperation on the other side of the screen.

“Right, well there’s two of us egging you on now, so you’ve got to do it. Alright?”

“Alright mum, I’ll ask her.”

As soon as Jenny utters the words it is as though a small weight has been lifted off her chest and she can finally relax a little, safe in the knowledge that she is going to at least have a definitive answer some time in the near future. Although the thought of what that answer will be brings along a whole new wave of anxiety.

“Good, and I will not hesitate to check in with Ryan if you don’t tell me when you do.”

“You don’t trust me to relay vital information?” Jenny gasps in mock offence, a hand to her chest.

“No,” Sarah-Jane replies deadpan, and Jenny giggles.

“Look after yourself, sweetheart.”

“I will, mum. Love you.”

* * *

The following Monday, after a lazy weekend spent simply enjoying the time with Noelle, including a serious snow sculpture building contest and a few casual conversations about Yaz, Jenny is feeling confident about things. She has decided that she is going to jump in at the deep end and ask Yaz on a date, no matter how terrifying it may seem at this exact moment. She is sure that it will be less terrifying once she has actually asked, so she is just trying to get through her morning with that thought.

The first aid centre has been fairly normal today; a fair amount of scrapes, cuts and bruises, one lost child (who was thankfully reunited within a mere ten minutes) and one sprained wrist. All in all, a fairly average morning. Jenny glances at the clock once again; it is almost midday, which means that Yaz will be here for their shared lunch break any moment now.

As if on cue, there is a knock at the door and it swings open to reveal Yaz, smiling shyly and clutching her lunch box under her arm as she peels her gloves off. She then proceeds to tug the band out of her hair to let it fall loose in a cascade around her shoulders and it takes every ounce of Jenny’s self restraint not to ask her out right there on the spot.

“How’s your morning been?” She asks casually as she sits herself down in the chair across from Jenny’s and swings an ankle up to rest on her knee.

“Good,” Jenny squeaks, suddenly very interested in her own lunch. Yaz eyes her suspiciously but she does not say anything, and they manage to get through the rest of their food with their usual chatter and not too much embarrassment.

As they finish up their food, Jenny gives the clock another glance and notices that thankfully, they are quick today and they still have another forty five minutes left of their lunch hour.

“Yaz, do you fancy taking a walk?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! Please consider leaving a comment if you have the time, they make my day!
> 
> (Btw, Jenny's twin brother, Thomas, is the eleventh doctor, and when they are together they are nothing but chaotic. Her dad is twelve, and I don't think I need to explain who her mum is 😂)
> 
> See you on Tuesday :)


	5. Date

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jenny and Yaz finally go on their first date!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you once again to WalkerLister for proofing this chapter for me (and thank god she did, apparently my brain was not entirely turned on)  
> Thank you for all the lovely comments so far, they really keep me going!

After almost kissing Jenny on Saturday, Yaz has managed to work herself into quite a state. She has tortured herself into a cycle of ‘what ifs’ until after work on Wednesday, Ryan forces her to take a walk around town to talk. So, reluctantly, she wraps herself in all the appropriate layers and follows Ryan out into the evening cold. The sun is just beginning to set and there is a chill to the air that was not there earlier in the day, the temperature hovering just above zero.

They walk for a little while in silence as they weave their way through town, Ryan leading them down gentle slopes until they reach the river and find a bench under a tree that is not covered in snow to sit down on.

“Yaz, tell me what’s up. You’ve been off all week.”

Yaz just shrugs her shoulders and stares at the water rushing and tumbling over the rocks beneath them. Talking is not her strong point.

“Yaz, talk to me. You’re my best mate and something’s up with you.”

“M’not good at talking, Ry,” she mumbles, toeing the loose gravel with her boots.

“I know, but you’re never going to learn if you don’t try. So start with me and tell me what’s on your mind.”

Yaz shrugs again and stares across to the opposite bank, but thankfully Ryan does not pry any further, giving Yaz the time to think and choose her words before she begins to talk.

“I like Jenny,” she eventually admits. “I like Jenny as more than a friend, but I don’t know what to do about it.”

Ryan keeps his knowing smirk to himself for now, simply nodding his head and allowing Yaz the space to continue to speak, if she wants to.

“I’ve never been in a proper relationship, Ryan. I were focused on my career for so long that I just didn’t have time, and then it all just stopped. I went on a few dates once I was back in Sheffield, but my heart just wasn’t in it. I want to make this work, but the stakes are too high, and it scares me,” she admits eventually. Yaz is normally not one to speak her feelings out loud, preferring to process them alone through some times on the slopes or, if there are no slopes in reach, at a skatepark or even just on a brisk walk. Talking about her feelings is something Yasmin Khan has never been particularly good at.

“I get that, Yaz. Relationships are really hard, they take work but they can be so worth it in the end.”

“Who died and made you the relationship guru?” she snorts, breath clouding in the air in front of her.

“Oi! I’ll have you know, Clara and I are going strong.”

“You don’t need to tell me that, my room is right across the hall from yours, remember.” Yaz pulls a disgusted face and elbows Ryan lightly in the side until he relents.

“Alright, alright. But seriously, it’s hard work but it’s worth it. And I know that Jenny likes you too.”

“She does?” Yaz’s surprise is audible in her voice, eyebrows shooting up her forehead so fast that Ryan has to laugh at the comedic effect.

“Yeah.”

“How do you know that?”

“When she came to pick up Noelle on Monday. You had fallen asleep on the sofa with her so I pulled Jen to one side and basically had this exact talk with her. She likes you. She has her own concerns of course, but she really does like you, and she wants to ask you out. I promise, this is not one-sided.”

Ryan’s tone is serious so that Yaz understands that he is telling her the truth, and it halts her racing thoughts. Jenny likes her back, and it makes her feel a little like a giddy teenager. But she is definitely not a teenager. Jenny has a daughter, and that puts a lot of pressure on Yaz to get this relationship right. Of course, she is already attached to Noelle, and Noelle attached to her, but being in a relationship with Jenny would change things entirely. Yaz is not particularly practiced in the art of relationships either. At 27, she has only been in two official relationships, the longest of which lasted a mere two and a half months, and so it is safe to say that she would truly be jumping in at the deep end with this.

“She wants to ask you out, Yaz. And I know you both have reservations, so make sure you talk about that, or you’ll not get anywhere. Alright?”

“Alright,” Yaz smiles gently, looking up at Ryan apprehensively.

“Seriously, I have a good feeling about you two.”

“Okay, don’t get ahead of yourself,” Yaz grumbles playfully, standing up from the bench.

“Come on, I’ll make you hot chocolate.”

* * *

It had turned out that the following two days after Yaz’s conversation with Ryan, Jenny had apparently been either too nervous or too preoccupied to ask Yaz on a date. Yaz would have done it herself, except she did not know anywhere she could take Jenny, and she is seriously out of practice. She also knows that this is something that Jenny has to do for herself, something that has to be on her terms. So, Yaz waits.

Except, Yaz has never been very good at waiting. She is used to life on the fast slopes, racing downhill at top speeds with the wind rushing past her ears, snatching at all her anxieties and tearing them away. Yaz is not good at going slow, at waiting patiently for things, which she is being forced to do now that the ball is in Jenny’s court. Of course, Yaz tried to hurry things along a little through casual touches and prolonged gazes, but she sensed that it was making Jenny uncomfortable, so she refrains and wills herself to wait patiently, to let things take their course. It was easier said than done.

That is why when she knocks on the door to the first aid centre at the start of their combined Monday lunch hour and steps into the warmth to be welcomed with a shy and nervous smile by Jenny, she feels the butterflies in her stomach properly flutter for the first time since she admitted to herself that she has feelings for Jenny.

She tugs the headband out of her hair and lets it loose, sighing when the pressure from the hairband of her ponytail that had been pressing into her head thanks to her helmet is released. 

“How’s your morning been?” She asks as casually as she can muster, settling back into a chair opposite where Jenny is still at her desk.

“Good!” Jenny blushes a deep red and stares at her lunch, and Yaz eyes her suspiciously but does not say anything, letting them eat in silence. She hopes that Jenny’s awkward silence is to do with the reason she thinks it is, and so she eats her lunch quickly and quietly, hoping to make the most of their hour before they both have to head back to their respective jobs.

They end up finishing their food at around the same time, and Yaz watches Jenny as she glances at the clock on the wall and then back at Yaz with a shy smile on her face.

“Yaz, do you fancy taking a walk?”

* * *

She follows Jenny curiously for about ten minutes, first across the smooth slopes around the hub of the ski resort, and then slightly off the beaten track to the start of a forested part of the mountain. Eventually they come to a stop beside a large fallen pine and Jenny brushes the majority of the dusting of snow off the top with her glove and sits down, inviting Yaz to do the same.

“This is one of my favourite spots,” Jenny admits, and Yaz turns her head to watch her curiously. “When I first moved here, Noelle was only about seven, eight months old. I didn’t have a clue what I was doing here, just that it was somewhere different. We were stuck in this tiny, grody studio apartment and it was awful, I felt like I was failing her. And then I got this job, up here on the mountains, and it sort of seemed like everything was going to be okay again. I didn’t make friends very easily, I was tired all the time because of my living situation, I didn’t have the time to go out with them all so I used to come down here on my lunch breaks and just sit and watch the town down through the trees. It was always the one constant, quiet place I had that first season.”

Yaz watches Jenny in silence. She has a feeling that the other woman has a lot going on in her head, and that she is not usually one to talk about it, much like Yaz. So Yaz lets her have a moment to gather herself so she can continue; Yaz senses that there is more Jenny wants to tell her.

“After that first season it took me a couple of months to find another job, before I started working at the hospital. Things were really tight for a while, and my parents were begging me to move back to Marseille to live with them, but I loved it here too much. My brother ended up helping me out with the rent in the end for a couple of months, until I got the job and we could manage on our own. The winter season after that was when I met Ryan and moved into his apartment and things started to look up a bit. I would still come here on some of my lunch breaks though, if Ryan wasn’t free. But this year, since I met you on that first day, I haven’t come here at all, because I just haven’t needed this space.”

Yaz widens her eyes at Jenny in surprise and goes to speak, but Jenny holds up a finger and Yaz realises that she is not yet done with her mini speech, so she allows her to continue uninterrupted.

“See, the thing is, ever since you turned up here, I haven’t felt that need to get away from it all, to have that quiet space. Yeah, it might have helped when I got my own place with Noelle, but it still feels different. I like spending time with you, Yaz. You don’t judge me, you don’t judge my life, you just let me be me. You’re an amazing friend, but I think I might like you to be, well, more than a friend.”

Yaz smiles at her gently, understanding what she has not quite managed to ask. Her cheeks are tinged pink, either from the cold or from embarrassment at being so open with Yaz, she does not know, but it makes her look adorable and Yaz would be lying if she said that it was not attractive.

“Jen, are you asking me if I’d like to go on a date with you?” she asks, and Jenny nods, relieved.

“Yes, that is what I were trying to ask. Yasmin Khan, will you go on a date with me?”

“I would love to go on a date with you, Genevieve Lefevre,” she echoes back, moving her hands from her own lap to take Jenny’s in hers. Despite the fact that they are both wearing thick gloves, Yaz feels herself warm at the contact and she would not be wrong to realise that Jenny is feeling the same way.

“Genevieve?” She echoes, scrunching her nose up at the name.

“Well you did full-name me.”

“Only my parents call me Genevieve, and only when I’m in trouble. Or my brother when he feels like annoying the hell out of me. Which is most of the time,” she laughs, tucking some stray hair back behind her ear and underneath her burgundy beanie. 

“I’ll mostly steer clear of that one then, stick with Jenny.”

Jenny nods with a smile, and then pulls her phone out of her pocket to check the time.

“We should probably be heading back,” she sighs in regret, showing Yaz the screen to point out that they only have fifteen minutes until the end of their break. It also reveals that her lock screen is a selfie of she and Noelle wearing haphazard newspaper hats on their heads and grinning at the camera. Yaz smiles warmly at the image, but it also sends a pang of fear to her heart. This relationship has much higher stakes than most.

“Yeah,” Yaz stands and waits for Jenny to follow her. They unclasp their hands so as not to slip while walking back through the uneven trail, but when Yaz does falter, Jenny’s hand flies out so fast to grasp her arm and stop her from falling that she barely has a chance to register it.

* * *

When Saturday evening comes around, Yaz has worked herself into such a state of anxiety that all of her clothes suddenly seem like the world’s worst choices. Of course they are not, they are all perfectly good clothes that Yaz wears regularly but nothing seems quite right. All Jenny had told her was that she is planning to take Yaz out for a casual dinner and then “something fun” and to dress warm. Which narrows down Yaz’s options slightly, but considering almost all of Yaz’s clothes here are winter clothes, it is not by a lot.

She can hear Ryan and Clara entertaining Noelle down the hall, and she briefly considers asking them for outfit advice but decides it would be better to just choose herself. Yaz and Jenny had decided to keep things vague as far as Noelle is concerned. She knows that they are going out for the evening together, but that is all they have told her, and as three-year-old, she presumes they are going out as friends. All the same, Yaz is to meet Jenny at her apartment rather than Jenny picking her up, where Noelle is.

Eventually she decides on a simple outfit of dark blue skinny jeans and a soft, maroon sweater. She accessorises with some delicate snowflake earrings as well as the other studs that are in her ears almost permanently, and a simple silver charm necklace with a circular pendant. She leaves most of her hair down loose, only pulling back the front most sections and pinning them behind her head to keep it out of her face. Finally she laces up a pair of black boots and shrugs her nicest winter coat over her shoulders, doing up the buttons and swinging a bag over her shoulder.

“I’m off out now,” she informs the trio who are busy building a fort in the living room, feeling uncharacteristically nervous. 

“You look nice,” Clara acknowledges quietly, and Yaz gives a shy smile back. In reality, she is feeling a little awkward, she often dresses practically and does not care too much about her appearance, and so getting dressed for a date is a significant step away from her comfort zone.

“Don’t stay out too late, I want you back at a decent hour young lady!” Ryan chides playfully, earning him a gentle elbow to the side from Clara and a glare from Yaz.

“Yes,  _ mum,” _ she grins with an eye roll as she picks up her keys from the table by the door. With a deep breath, she closes it behind her and squares her shoulders. There is only forward from here.

* * *

“Hi, you’re right on time!” Jenny smiles as she opens her front door, stepping aside to let Yaz in before closing the door behind her. “I, on the other hand, am not. And I can’t even blame my offspring this time,” she laughs, and Yaz joins in.

She watches in amusement as Jenny flaps about the hallway, working herself into a bit of a state.

“Please, don’t worry about it,” Yaz reassures, and it seems to slow her panic a little. As she watches Jenny feed the hamster, she takes the opportunity to admire her outfit choice. Like Yaz, she is wearing jeans and a sweater, although her jeans are black and her sweater is navy blue with a rainbow stripe across the chest. There is also the glimpse of an ear cuff peeking out from her hair before it falls forward as she leans down to open the top of the hamster cage.

“Want to hold her?” Jenny asks, scooping Étoile up and holding her out towards Yaz.

“Erm …”

“Yaz, are you scared of hamsters?” Jenny teases, drawing the rodent back towards her chest.

“Not really. Well maybe a little bit. My friend had one when we were younger and it bit me, I’ve not really had the chance to be near one since,” she admits, not quite meeting Jenny’s gaze.

“That’s alright. You can just stroke her if you like, I’ll keep hold of her. And if it helps, she’s very docile, she’s never gone for Noelle or I. Which is some sort of miracle, Noelle sticks her fingers in the cage way too often.”

Yaz shrugs and steps forward a little, tentatively reaching out a single finger and running it along the soft, cream fur.

“She’s really soft,” Yaz breathes, happily enjoying meeting the little pet.

“Yeah. We’re training her to do tricks, but Noelle keeps getting distracted and feeding her all the treats before we actually get anywhere.”

Yaz watches as Jenny puts the hamster back in her cage and locks the top. 

“Sorry,” she grimaces a few seconds later, shooting Yaz an apologetic smile as she straightens up.

“What for?”

“Talking about Noelle all the time. We’re supposed to be going on a date, and I can’t shut up about my daughter,” she says sheepishly, and Yaz softens, grabbing her shoulders and turning her so they are face to face.

“Jenny, it’s  _ fine. _ She’s a huge, huge part of your life, and we’ve always talked about her when we’ve been spending time as friends, that doesn’t have to change just because we’re going on a date.”

Yaz looks at her until she raises her gaze properly, eyes unsure.

“Really?”

“Really, Jen. Noelle is great, please don’t feel like you can’t talk about her, alright?”

“Alright,” Jenny smiles, before turning away and taking a rainbow scarf and a pale blue coat from the hooks beside the front door.

“Shall we get going then?"

* * *

“Is it just me, or is that couple over there giving us weird looks?” Jenny says under her breath, eyeing the people across the way from them. They are sat in a quiet restaurant that is not too touristy, and so they are offered a break from the crowds of people that are constantly descending on the town. However the restaurant is still busy, and they can see both out the window towards the mountains and across the restaurant from their table against the wall. Apparently that includes an older couple giving them suspicious looks. Yaz is no stranger to homophobic people, typically the older generation (although it is not always them) but she feels as though Jenny may not have had as much experience with the likes, especially given what she had told Yaz a while ago.

“I think they might be a bit … disapproving of us.”

When Jenny simply tilts her head to one side with a confused frown, Yaz lets out a small chuckle.

“I don’t think they like that we’re two women on a date.”

“Ahh. Should we put them in their place?”

Yaz shakes her head, taking another sip of her diet coke. “Usually not worth it. If they say something to us then yes, but if they’re not saying anything, it’ll annoy them if we don’t confront them because they’re probably just looking for a reaction,” Yaz explains patiently, face softening when Jenny nods in understanding and offers Yaz a reassuring grin.

“Well, jokes are on them because we’re having a perfectly nice evening while they’re ruining their own by preoccupying themselves with us.”

“Exactly.”

They finish the rest of their meals quickly, making the most of the atmosphere and the good food.

“Dessert?” Jenny suggests as their plates are cleared away by a waiter.

“Absolutely. Any ideas, you’ve been here before.”

“Well the best thing here is the chocolate brownie sundae, but it’s far too big for one person…”

“We could share,” Yaz suggests.

“That, Yasmin Khan, is a brilliant idea.”

Jenny then flags down a waiter and orders them the chocolate brownie sundae with two spoons and not five minutes later a huge glass filled to the brim with chocolate ice cream, sauce, chunks of brownie and cookie dough and wafers arrives in front of them.

“Yeah, you weren’t kidding,” Yaz laughs, picking up her own spoon and taking a small bite.

“Oh my god, that’s amazing,” she mumbles around a mouthful of sugary goodness.

“Told ya,” Jenny grins, showing off a mouthful of her own chocolate ice cream. Yaz chuckles at the image, it reminds her of Noelle the last time she babysat her and they tried to make chocolate cupcakes, except Noelle kept eating all the batter before they could even get it in the cupcake cases.

They continue their chatter throughout dessert, glad when the couple across from them leave, but not without a pointed look towards them. Yaz just smiles back sickly sweet, and they leave quickly with flushed cheeks. As soon as they are out of earshot, Yaz and Jenny burst into giggles.

“See. They get really embarrassed when they don’t get a negative reaction out of us,” Yaz grins, licking the rest of the ice cream off her spoon.

“I’ll have to remember that.” Jenny raises her eyebrows suggestively and smirks, and Yaz almost baulks at the allusion to the fact that there is going to be a next time until she spots Jenny’s cheek and she giggles.

“What’s funny?”

“You’ve got a bit of chocolate sauce on your cheek there.”

“Oh. Got it?” Jenny asks, swiping at her cheek with a napkin.

“Nope, other side.”

Jenny swipes at her other cheek, but she still misses.

“Nope. C’mere.” Yaz plucks the napkin from Jenny’s fingertips and swipes it across from her lip and to her cheek herself.

“There you go.”

Jenny just nods dumbly back at her, and Yaz has to fight the urge to giggle at her flustered disposition.

“Right, yes thank you. Erm, bill and then date part two?”

“Absolutely.”

They argue briefly over who is to pay the bill, but eventually Yaz loses the battle when the bill is placed in the middle of the table and Jenny snatches it up before she can even breathe.

“Right Yaz, ready for some fun?”

Yaz nods with a grin as she stands up, shrugging her coat on and offering Jenny her arm. She has no idea what the other woman has planned for them, but she trusts her and does not doubt that whatever it is will be fun.

* * *

Yaz follows Jenny through the Christmas light decorated streets in a bit of a state of confusion. They are heading back the way they came, back to Jenny’s apartment, and it is making Yaz grow more and more nervous about what Jenny may have meant when she said “some fun”. Her sigh of relief is audible when, instead of going into the building, Jenny leads her round to the back of the building and towards a small, navy blue car.

“Your carriage awaits, m’lady,” Jenny grins, opening the passenger side door and holding it open for Yaz with a comical bow and an overly serious expression.

“Why thank you.” Her smile is timid as she slides into the seat, Jenny shutting the door after her and rounding the car to climb into the driver's seat.

“Where are we going then?” Yaz asks, fiddling with her seatbelt. The car smells exactly the same as their apartment, a mixture of sugary coffee, strawberries and pine trees. Of course, the pine tree smell comes from the air freshener hanging from the rear view mirror alongside a snowflake and a little green Toy Story alien, but the other two smells are uniquely Jenny and Noelle.

“I’m taking you to the best sledding spot this side of the mountain,” Jenny grins, reversing the car out of their parking spot and onto the road.

“Bold claim,” Yaz teases, settling back into her seat and bobbing her head to the catchy music that plays quietly over the speakers.

“What are they singing about?” She asks as the song reaches what she presumes is the chorus, Jenny’s face lighting up as she mouths the words.

“The song title translates to  _ The Laws of Attraction.  _ It’s one of my favourites, they’re singing about how you have to accept yourself and be open and vulnerable if you want to make meaningful connections with people. At least that’s what I think, anyways.”

Yaz smiles at her, suspecting that the song might mean more to Jenny than she is letting on. “I like it,” she affirms, turning her head back to look at the road ahead of them, lit only by the headlights of the car and a few sparse streetlamps. Under other circumstances, she would be nervous about being in a car in this weather; there is a light dusting of snow beginning to drift down and it is dark and cold, but they are still in town so the roads must be salted, and Jenny has lived here a while and seems confident in her handling of the vehicle. It still does not stop Yaz drawing in a breath though every time they turn a corner.

“Right, here we are,” Jenny announces some time later, pulling into a small lay-by at the edge of the road and switching the engine off. If it were light, Yaz would be able to see that on the other side of the barrier around the carpark, there is a large slope leading to an expansive park and then the river. But it is dark, so all she can see is the slight illumination in the air of streetlamps lining the paths below them.

She watches as Jenny hops out of the car and opens the boot. She follows, shivering slightly against the cold and pulling her wooly hat lower over her ears.

“Here, put these on. Getting your jeans covered in snow is a recipe for disaster,” Jenny explains as she hands Yaz a pair of waterproof trousers before donning her own. Yaz warms at Jenny’s thoughtfulness and watches as she pulls two sleds and a plastic bag out of the boot of the car.

Following Jenny down a sloped road to the top of the hill, Yaz feels her excitement building in her chest and it manifests itself in the form of a grin spreading across her face. She has not been sledding for years, not since she was a child, snowboarding taking up all her time in the winter these days.

“Yasmin Khan, welcome to the best sledding spot this side of the Alps,” she grins, dropping the items in her hands to the floor and spreading her arms wide, back to the slope and an enormous smile on her face.

“Has this been scientifically proven?” She jokes.

“Absolutely. 100% proven by Jenny and Noelle incorporate, there have been rigorous experiments carried out.”

Yaz giggles as she plays along with the joke, Jenny’s cheeks and nose already turning pink from the cold. Of course she has seen her flushed like this before, but there is something different about the look, something softer and more vulnerable now that she is clad in less utilitarian clothes and they are on a date.

“Well, Jenny and Noelle incorporate are clearly the best snow activity scientists in the country, I’ll have to judge their opinion then.”

“Wise woman,” Jenny grins before bending down and sliding one of the sleds over to Yaz as well as pulling a flashlight out of the bag and handing it over.

“If you grip the light in between your heels when you’re going down it makes it a bit easier to see where you’re going, especially in the middle of it where the street lamps don’t reach. Also means that if you happen to crash, I can find you a lot easier!”

“Maybe we shouldn’t be tempting fate here, Jen.”

“Hey! You’re with a trained mountain rescuer, if you do happen to crash you’re in good hands!” Jenny sits herself down on her sled, switching on the flashlight and gripping it between the heels of her boots, illuminating her route down the slope.

“And what if you crash, what happens then?”

“Well, I did train you, so I would just be really hoping that I did a good job, wouldn’t I!?”

Before Yaz can really come up with an appropriate response, Jenny shuffles herself forward and she is tipping her sled over the edge of the slope. She rushes away with a loud  _ whoop, _ and Yaz watches in amusement as she laughs with the joy of a child. When Jenny reaches the bottom and tumbles off her sled, rolling over and over before eventually coming to a stop in a heap of tangled limbs, Yaz is concerned until she sits herself up and offers a goofy thumbs up to display that she is okay.

“Come on, your turn!” She yells through cupped hands up to Yaz, who shakes her head at the absurdity and complete Jenny-ness of the date before pushing herself off and starting her descent.

The wind rushes against her face, making the skin sting, but it’s worth it for the sheer joy of flying down the slope with her hair streaming out behind her. She laughs out loud, the sound stolen by the rushing wind but it shows in her face anyway, and Jenny is ready, grinning and waiting when Yaz tumbles into a heap at the bottom of the slope.

“Again?”

Yaz needs no convincing.

They end up sledding for almost an hour, until they can no longer feel their fingers and toes and have to admit defeat, racing each other back to the car and the warmth it provides when they tumble inside in giggling heaps.

“That were amazing,” Yaz breathes, turning to grin at Jenny beside her.

“Told you it’s the best spot!”

“I’d love to come with you and Noelle some time. If that’s okay okay with you, I mean.” She falters, so caught up in her infatuation for the other woman that the words come out of her mouth before she can realise what she is saying.

“That would be ace! Although maybe we could do something again together without that particular whirlwind of chaos…”

“Oh, so you mean like a second date?” Yaz muses with a raise of a single eyebrow. She delights in the flushed cheeks and the audible gulp such a simple facial expression pulls from Jenny.

“If you like, yeah.”

“It’s a date.”

The drive back into town in quiet but pleasant, Yaz taking every opportunity to glance over at the woman beside her and memorise everything about her; the slope of her nose, her uneven upper lip, every freckle dusting her nose and each crease in her skin, just in case it is some sort of mad dream. But it is not a dream, it is reality, and Yaz is loving every second of it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! If you have the time, please consider leaving a comment, they really mean the world to me!


	6. Confessions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jenny and Yaz's relationship progresses further.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some content warnings for this chapter:
> 
> \- panic attacks  
> \- flashbacks  
> \- past alcohol/substance abuse mention
> 
> Enjoy :)

After yet another date with Yaz yesterday Jenny feels as though she is walking on clouds. Almost two weeks has passed since their first date and they have been out together a further three times since. Every time she sees Yaz, she cannot help the smile that breaks out across her face. Yaz had organised two of the three dates since; a simple trip to the local cinema and then dinner at a small restaurant one time, and another time a quiet walk along the river and a very chilly picnic, in which huddling together for warmth had been essential, which Jenny had a feeling Yaz had planned to happen too. It had been perfect and it has left both of them finding it harder and harder to keep their relationship subtle at work. It would seem that Noelle has noticed her uplifted spirits too, as she so tactlessly informs her mother one Sunday morning in the form of a wax crayon creation on light blue paper.

“Mama, look at my picture!” Noelle bounces up and down beside Jenny, who is sitting at the kitchen table with her laptop open working through their budget, albeit reluctantly. She still wants to get a few more presents for Noelle’s birthday and Christmas, and she does not have anything for Yaz yet, so she is trying to make room in their budget for something. No matter how hard she saves throughout the year, having Christmas and her daughter’s birthday on the same day always hits hard.

Hitting save on her document, she flips her laptop screen down and draws Noelle up to her lap to give her her full attention. 

“Who’s this, honey?” She asks, curling her arms around her tummy and gazing over her shoulder at her artwork.

“Well this is me,” she starts, pointing to the smallest figure in the middle of the paper. “And this is you, and then Yaz.” Her fingernail decorated with chipped blue nail polish that Yaz had applied only last week moves to point out the two taller figures; one with neon yellow hair and the other with blue.

“I didn’t have the right colour crayon for Yaz’s hair, do you think she will be cross?”

Jenny giggles, pushing Noelle’s own hair out of her face for her. It really needs cutting, but she protests so loudly any time Jenny so much as mentions the idea that they are yet to get around to it.

“I’m sure she won’t mind,” Jenny reassures, before looking back at the picture again.

“Noelle, why is there a heart in the middle?”

Sure enough, there is a pink heart scrawled between the two taller figures, and Jenny’s heart beats faster in her chest when she realises what it could mean.

“Because you like Yaz. You went on lots of dates with her, and that means you like her. She makes you smiley.”

Jenny feels a few tears gathering in the corners of her eyes before she blinks them away. Noelle’s approval is the most important thing to her, and to have it means the world.

“She does, honey.”

But then a thought occurs to her.

“Noelle, when did you draw this?”

“At Papa’s house, yesterday.”

Jenny draws in a sharp breath before letting it out slowly, calming her suddenly racing heartbeat. There is something so fundamentally terrifying to her about her ex fiancé knowing that she is in a new relationship. Of course, there is nothing wrong with that, he has certainly paraded his own myriad of girlfriends around, starting just months after they left him with little care for how it would affect them. That is not the fear. The fear is what he will say about the fact that Jenny has not told him about this new person in his daughter’s life. After he had left, he had only seemed interested in Noelle, little to no regard for Jenny’s feelings. Of course he had not managed to properly introduce any of his conquests to Jenny, and so in theory Jenny should not be expected to do the same, but this is Olivier, and he is unpredictable and sometimes violent, so she fears what he may have said. 

“Noelle, did he say anything?”

The young girl looks up at her mother in concern, noting the shake to her voice and the sudden paleness to her expression.

“He asked who she was.”

“What did you tell him?”

“I said that Yaz was your friend. He looked cross and then he went away and  _ mémé  _ came to sit with me.”

Noelle looks worried that she may have made her mother upset, and her bottom lip wobbles in concern.

“Sweetheart, you’re not in trouble. Daddy wasn’t cross with you, okay?”

“Okay,” she mumbles, resting her head against Jenny’s chest for a hug and abandoning her picture on the table.

In an effort to cheer her daughter up, she drops a kiss to her forehead before moving to mischievously tickle at her sides, causing Noelle to break out into infectious giggles.

“Can we go to the park today?” She asks once the tickling and the laughter subsides.

“Of course we can! I think we need to make some snow angels, we haven’t done that yet this year.”

“Ooh! Can Yaz come with us?” Noelle’s face lights up at the prospect and she begins to bounce up and down in Jenny’s lap.

“You know what, that sounds like a great idea. I’ll text her.”

Jenny’s grin is wide when she picks up her phone, inviting Yaz along to their outing. Bills and budgeting can wait.

* * *

The river tumbling over rocks below them is the soundtrack to the small group’s outing in the park. Noelle skips ahead, jumping on puddles covered by a thin layer of ice just to crack it and splash the muddy water everywhere. Within minutes, her snowsuit is splattered with mud and flecks of frozen water and she is giggling with glee at every splash.

The ground is uneven and Yaz’s hand brushes against the back of Jenny’s often, and Jenny can hear her little intakes of breath every time it happens. She smiles to herself at the knowledge, and decides to be bold.

At the next moment of contact, Jenny catches Yaz’s hand in hers and intertwines their fingers, squeezing gently. She turns her head to look at Yaz, who is smiling at her shyly.

“Okay?”

“Very okay,” Yaz affirms, leaning into Jenny for a brief second before a bump in the path separates them again.

“So does this count as a date?” Yaz asks, a twinkle in her eyes.

“If you don’t mind it being crashed by an extremely hyper almost four year old, then yeah, this is totally a date.”

“Definitely don’t mind it being crashed, she adds a certain level of adorableness.”

“Adorable? You didn’t see the tantrum she threw yesterday when I tried to convince her to go and get a haircut,” Jenny snorts.

“She’s adorable right now though. Even if she looks like she might be stuck.”

“Wait, what?”

Jenny tears her gaze away from Yaz’s face with regret to look at the path ahead of them, where, sure enough, Noelle is standing with one foot deep in a puddle and a mutinous look on her face.

_ “Mama! _ The mud is trying to eat my welly boot!”

Jenny laughs and rolls her eyes at Yaz, before jogging towards her daughter and dragging Yaz with her.

* * *

“Hot chocolate, Yaz?” Jenny asks as they bundle into her apartment, freezing cold but happy and smiling.

“I could definitely go for that. What do you think, Noelle?”

“Yes! Do we have marshmallows?”

“We absolutely do,” Jenny hangs her scarf up and then kicks her boots off. “Yaz, do you mind helping Noelle out of her snowsuit?”

“Of course.” 

Jenny’s heart fills with a strange sense of pride as she watches Yaz kneel down in front of the little girl, unzipping the front of her snowsuit.

“Noelle, I’m going to get started on the hot chocolates, can you go and put your pyjamas on when Yaz has helped you get out of your snowsuit, please?”

Noelle nods with a grin and Jenny wanders off to the kitchen to make a start on the hot chocolates. She has retrieved the mugs and the cocoa powder and flicked the kettle on when she hears the door creak on its hinges, and she turns around to smile at Yaz stepping into the room.

“Alright?”

“Yeah.”

Jenny gulps as Yaz wanders over; she has taken off her thick jumper and is down to her tight fitting undershirt, leaving very little about her toned muscles to the imagination.

“I like how happy you looked today, you looked like you were really enjoying herself,” Yaz smiles, leaning against the kitchen counter and watching as Jenny spoons powder into three mugs.

Jenny blushes deeply, before turning to regard Yaz with a soft smile. “I am happy. You looked it too, it was nice to see you and Noelle getting along so well. Not that you don’t anyway, but it’s reassuring.”

“I’m glad to hear you say that, I know how important it is to you that she likes me,” Yaz reassures, stepping a little further into Jenny’s personal space and placing a hand on her forearm.

“Yaz, you’re killing me,” she mutters, cheeks flaming at just the simple contact, not even on bare skin, but through her soft shirt.

“Am I?” Yaz smirks, raising a single eyebrow.

“Just a bit,” Jenny gulps, her gaze dropping to somewhere lower on Yaz’s face.

“Well I  _ do  _ wish we had the opportunity to do something earlier …” she murmurs, stepping closer and winding her arms loosely around Jenny’s waist. The slightly taller blonde gulps again, the way her throat bobs now very visible to Yaz.

“Oh, yeah? What was that?” Jenny whispers, unashamedly tracing her gaze over Yaz’s lips. She really hopes Yaz has the same thoughts as she does.

“I wish I’d had the opportunity to kiss you.”

Jenny’s lips curl into a smirk. “Good job I’m thinkin’ the same thing then.”

She lets Yaz close the gap until their noses bump together, then lips ghost over each other. Jenny covers the final, minuscule distance, pressing her lips to Yaz’s in a display of affection so soft and gentle that it would not be tangible if it weren’t for the fireworks currently going off around Jenny’s body.

They break apart, breathless, chests heaving, and giggling for a lack of any other suitable reaction.

“You’re a very good kisser,” Yaz mumbles, winding her arms a little tighter around Jenny’s waist and scratching lightly at her lower back through her long-sleeved t-shirt, pulling an involuntary shiver from the other woman.

“Really?”

“Yes, a solid of nine out of ten.”

“How do I get to ten?”

“By not doubting yourself in this relationship,” Yaz replies, regarding Jenny with an intense but gentle gaze. For the third time in less than ten minutes, Jenny gulps audibly.

“Seriously. I know this whole relationship thing is tricky for you, with having a kid to think about and all that, but you’ve got to stop doubting yourself. You’re an amazing woman and I’m honoured that you even asked me out in the first place. Alright?”

Jenny smiles shakily, moisture building up in the corners of her eyes until she blinks it away determinedly.

“I’ll make more of an effort. But maybe we should get on with these hot chocolates before Noelle comes in here and tells us off.”

“Maybe, yeah,” Yaz giggles, releasing her hold on Jenny and moving to stand right next to her, but not before pressing another fleeting kiss to the corner of the other woman’s lips.

“Oh, but for the record, I think you’re a phenomenal kisser.”

* * *

It is now the following Friday, and Yaz has spent almost every spare minute with Jenny and Noelle. Of course they had spent their Monday lunch break together, but they had also met before work to make the journey together, and had done the same on the way home. The following day, Jenny had been pleasantly surprised when Yaz had texted her at the start of their usual lunch break to ask if she was free, and so they had spent the whole time on a video call. Wednesday had passed much the same, and now on Friday evening, she is heading back to her apartment, via Noelle’s nursery school of course, with Yaz in tow.

Jenny has a strange mixture of excitement and nerves fluttering in the pit of her stomach, because she has invited Yaz to stay the night for the first time. It has been made clear for both of them that there were no expectations, but still, Jenny is uncharacteristically nervous.

They make it to Noelle’s nursery school just in time, the doors opening as they step through the gates and children begin to stream out into the yard. Jenny stands up on her toes a bit to spot the familiar head of dark curls and purple bobble hat, an involuntary grin breaking out across her face when she catches sight of her daughter appearing at the door. She hesitates for a moment, scanning the playground for her mother, and as soon as she does, she sprints forward through the snow and launches herself at not Jenny, but Yaz standing next to her with open arms and a huge grin as she spins her around a few times before setting her back down on the ground.

“Well, I’m definitely feeling replaced,” Jenny huffs playfully as Noelle just grins innocently up at her.

“Come on then, let’s go home,” Jenny decides, taking the hand that is not clasped in Yaz’s and tugging the pair along. 

“Wait, is Yaz staying for dinner?” Noelle asks, finally catching up with the current events as a hopeful spreads across her face.

“She is, sweetheart. And guess what else?” Jenny replies, raising her eyebrows.

“What!”

“I’m staying the night too!” Yaz replies, grinning and squeezing Noelle’s hand in hers.

“Like a sleepover!” She enthuses, skipping down the path and swinging the hands of two of her favourite people in the world.

* * *

“Mama, can we watch a movie?” Noelle asks as they work as a team to wash and dry the dinner dishes; Yaz up to her forearms in warm water and bubbles while mother and daughter put everything back in the correct cupboard. They work together like a well-oiled machine.

“Of course we can. Anything in mind?” Jenny replies, setting Noelle down to sit on the counter, keeping hold of her waist to stop her wriggling and falling to the floor.

“Elf!” She requests, and Jenny groans.

“Again?”

“Yes, Elf is the best!”

From beside them, Yaz laughs. “Do you not like Elf, Jen?” She teases, reaching out and dotting a small cluster of bubbles on Noelle’s nose. The young girl giggles and sneezes, the bubbles flying back into the air and dissipating. Jenny watches the interaction with quiet satisfaction, and her heart twists in affection as she realises just how easily Yaz is fitting into their life.

“Well I don’t dislike it, per se. It’s more the fact that we’ve watched it three times in the last week alone,” she protests, and Yaz laughs, drying her hands properly and sidling closer to the pair.

“Mama’s just  _ boring,”  _ Noelle smirks, and Jenny clasps a hand to her chest, gasping dramatically in offence.

“I am  _ not _ boring!” She insists. “I just prefer a bit more variety in my Christmas films.”

Noelle giggles and shuffles closer to Yaz, grinning innocently at her mother when she says “Mama, Yaz wants to watch  _ Elf.” _

Jenny rolls her eyes. “Right Yaz, it’s time to choose a side. You can go for me, who likes an actual bit of variety in her life, or you can go for Noelle, who is obsessed with Elf and will never stop talking about it.”

“Noelle,” Yaz says easily, resting a hand atop the little girl’s shoulder. “Elf is the best Christmas film, hands down.”

“I’m being ganged up on again, unbelievable.”

* * *

Much later, when Noelle is finally settled in bed after wrangling an extra bedtime story out of Yaz, the couple decide to retire to bed themselves, despite the early hour. They are getting closer and closer to the peak of high season and the abundance of chaos that comes with it, and they are both exhausted from their full-to-bursting schedules.

“Do you have a side?” Yaz asks when they step into Jenny’s bedroom. The blonde woman is practically shaking with nerves, so anxious to welcome Yaz into this space that has become her own little sanctuary that she barely even registers the question at first.

“Jen?”

“Hmm, sorry?”

“I asked if you have a side of the bed you prefer to sleep on,” she reiterates, and Jenny shoots her a grateful smile.

“Erm, I tend to prefer the left,” she concludes, gesturing to how the bedside table on that side of the bed is littered in all manner of stuff, whereas the right is bare, save for a sugar cookie scented candle and a plain grey coaster.

Jenny looks around her own bedroom critically, trying to take in the room through Yaz’s eyes. It is a strange room, not messy per se, but certainly chaotic with books spilling out of the shelves and stacked on the floor, as well as the clothes folded neatly but still piled on the armchair in the corner. The furnishing styles are a mixture of more classic pieces, lending to the architecture of the building, and modern in the plain white walls, her bedframe, and the photographs along one wall. Apart from the black and white photograph of Noelle at just a few hours old swaddled in a blanket and taken in the hospital, they are all taken by Ryan over the few years that they have lived here. There are two shots of the mountains, one posed photograph of the pair of them last Christmas, and a candid photograph of them sitting outside a café during the quieter summer season eating ice cream and laughing. Jenny loves each and every picture, but she is suddenly worried that they may seem overly sentimental to Yaz. Jenny gets the impression that Yaz is not usually one for being particularly sentimental, but then again, Yaz could prove her completely wrong.

“I like your bedroom. It’s very …”

“Chaotic?” Jenny supplies, and Yaz laughs.

“I guess so. It’s very you.”

Jenny shrugs as she kicks her slippers off and slides into her side of the bed. Yaz stays standing up, surveying the room a little more.

“I wanted to make this calm sort of sanctuary when we moved in here, it was the first time I had had a whole room to myself in years, so I did the white and the minimalist furniture, but apparently my personality just cannot be contained. Hence the mess” Her laugh is a little awkward, a little stilted, and apparently Yaz picks up on it because she turns around with a soft smile on her face, one that Jenny has only really seen her use with Noelle, and it has an immediate effect on her racing anxieties.

“Nah, I don’t think it’s messy. I just think it’s homely, it would look too much like a hotel if you didn't have stuff everywhere. Not including the pictures.”

Yaz slides into bed a little tentatively beside Jenny, still looking at the pictures on the wall.

“I’m guessing that’s Noelle.” She points to the central photograph, where she is just a few hours old. “Unless you have a secret child you haven’t told me about,” she teases, and Jenny grins as she leans back against the headboard.

“Nope, just the one. But yeah, she’s just a couple of hours old then. I don’t think I even remember that photo being taken, I was definitely more than a bit out of it. Her dad organised all that stuff.”

Jenny takes in a sharp breath when she lets the words slip, and Yaz looks over at her with a curious expression.

“He wasn’t always against having a kid, then?” Yaz asks, leaning back and to the side a little to face Jenny.

“God no, he loved her. Still does. Well, he says so anyway.”

Yaz frowns at her, and Jenny holds her breath. They are yet to properly discuss the subject of Noelle’s dad.

“You still see him?” Is her first question.

“Of course,” she replies. Because surely, it is obvious that she still has to see him sometimes.

“You — you still see him? What do you mean you still see him?”

Jenny panics, clearly she has said something wrong, but she has no idea what it is, so now she has to reassure Yaz while also figuring out where she has gone wrong in the past two minutes.

“Yeah. I see him when I take Noelle there for supervised visits once a fortnight,” she explains, folding her hands in her lap.

“And that’s it?”

“That’s it,” Jenny confirms. 

“But … but why do the visits have to be supervised?” She asks. Jenny had thought that maybe they could be done with this discussion, but apparently that is not the case.

“When I left him, I left him because it was no longer safe for Noelle and I to be living there. He had a lot of problems with drugs and alcohol, and he made some really reckless decisions, decisions that could have ended really really badly, Yaz. It was in the court’s best interest,  _ my  _ best interest that the visits be supervised.”

“And you still let her see him?” Yaz yells, incredulous. Jenny winces at the volume, painful memories of late night arguments, the stench of alcohol and a crying baby crawling to the front of her mind.

“It’s how the custody worked out, Yaz, there was nothing I could do. He’s still her dad, and he still has a right to see her. But he gets one chance. He slips once and he never sees her again!”

Jenny is growing more and more frantic in her explanation; she did not expect to be asked these questions tonight, she did not expect Yaz to react this way. She did not have the chance to emotionally prepare for this, and the feelings provoked by the argument and the yelling is causing the anxiety to seize up her chest faster than she can think.

“I don’t — I don’t know what to say to you, Jenny. I were going to ask if you wanted to make this official, to be my girlfriend, but now I don’t even know you. I need — I need to go.”

Yaz’s words come all out in a tumble, so fast that she is scrambling out of the bed before Jenny can even register what is happening. Her breath quickens as her head fills with images of smashed picture frames and a screaming baby in her arms that would not settle, would not settle because the person who was supposed to love her was, at that moment, off his face and rampaging around their house threatening to destroy all of her most prized possessions.

By the time she pulls herself out of her haze she hears the front door open and then close and Yaz is gone. She jumps out of bed, running down the hall in a blind panic to try and catch Yaz to try and explain herself, to try and explain what had happened. Why she did not try to stop her. But when she gets to the door she makes it no further than grasping the doorknob when she feels all the energy being sucked out of her in one go. She backs away slowly until she hits the wall opposite and slides downwards until she is on the floor, hugging her knees to her chest.

Now, it all feels like too much.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _throws chapter into existence and runs away ___
> 
> _  
> _ps if you're not completely mad with me and have any ideas for Christmas gifts and/or Noelle's birthday gifts from/to any of our little group, please leave me some suggestions!_  
>  _


	7. Hurt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yaz deals with the fallout from her argument with Jenny.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooooo the angst isn't over yet! But we're getting closer to a resolution to this whole thing.
> 
> TW for injury and panic attacks.

Yaz feels nothing but white-hot anger and confusion as she storms out of Jenny’s apartment into the freezing cold night. She is vaguely aware that she is definitely not wearing enough layers as she hurries through the streets on autopilot. Her boots are loose on her feet, cold air seeping straight through her flannel pyjama bottoms but she does not notice it, nor does she care.

Eventually, her feet carry her into her apartment building and up the three flights of stairs. She all-but falls through the front door, the racket causing Ryan and Clara sitting on the sofa to spring apart. If Yaz were more aware of her surroundings, if she did not have tunnel vision, she would register their state of half undress and she would probably complain loudly but without too much malice; it is a shared apartment after all and they were not expecting her to be back. But the sight of them together sends another stab of anger and jealousy and regret through Yaz, and she storms down the corridor to her bedroom, with her only goal being to shut herself away from the rest of the world and wallow in her own mistakes.

She slams her door, the vibrations running up her arm, and she makes it as far as sitting on the edge of her bed before the regret, the self-hatred and the despair kick in, and she sags back against her striped sheets. She should not have jumped to conclusions. She should not have assumed the worst. And she definitely should not have shouted at Jenny. Based on what the other woman had told her, she hates to think of what sort of reaction Jenny is currently having to the fact that Yaz raised her voice at her, completely unprovoked. Yaz feels sick at the thought, sick at the thought of the state in which she has left Jenny and the fact that there is no way she is able to go back there and fix the damage she has done at this precise moment.

A sharp knock at her door makes her jump and she sits up, chest heaving.

“Yaz? You okay?” Ryan’s concerned voice comes through the wood, and as much as Yaz loves her best friend, she really does not want to talk to anybody right now. It is self destructive, she knows, but she cannot help it, the overwhelming urge to shut herself off and refuse help is too strong to give into.

“M’fine, Ryan,” she mutters, a scowl taking purchase on her face.

“Yaz, you were supposed to be at Jenny’s tonight, and you had a face like thunder when you slammed through the front door. You’re not fine,” Ryan replies, and something snaps inside of Yaz. She is sick of people feeling sorry for her, sick of people trying to tell her how she feels, because they do not know.

“Ryan, I said I’m fine!” She yells back, finally unlacing her boots and kicking them to the floor with a loud  _ thud. _

Ryan’s sigh is audible through the door, but thankfully he has the sense not to push Yaz too much further.

“Alright. But we’ll talk about this in the morning, get some sleep.”

Yaz waits until she hears the footsteps retreat before she removes the rest of her outer layers before sliding under her duvet and drawing it over her head. It creates a dark, stuffy cavern of black, but she believes that it is what she deserves.

* * *

That night, Yaz sleeps terribly. She tosses and turns, the conversation running through her head again and again as she tries to figure out just  _ where _ they went so wrong, what she should have said, what she should have done instead of defaulting to anger. She knows that she wholly regrets what she said and how she reacted, and that she was most certainly in the wrong, but what she does not know is how to resolve that. She does not know whether she should try and contact Jenny as soon as she can to try and revolve things, whether she should give her space and go to her later, or whether she should just let Jenny come to her. It is all too confusing, Yaz does not have the faintest clue what she is doing. All she knows is that she really messed up last night, and that she desperately wants to fix it.

When she eventually drags herself from her bedroom in the early hours, certainly far too early for a Saturday morning, she has a splitting headache between her eyes and she thinks better than to turn the lights on as she makes her way to the kitchen to grab a glass of water. As much as she would love a strong cup of coffee, she knows that it will make the headache worse, and she is not feeling as self destructive as she was last night, so she forces her gaze away from the machine as she downs the glass of water along with two painkillers.

She moves through to the living room in a little bit of a zombie state, her legs carrying her to the sofa automatically. She sinks down onto it, pulling a throw from the back and wrapping it around her shoulders tightly and shutting her eyes against the throbbing in her temple while she waits for the painkillers to do their job.

Eventually, after what seems like an age the headache seems to ease up and she sits up tentatively, rubbing her eyes with a yawn as she discards the heavy throw. She mourns the loss of its comforting weight almost immediately, but she also knows that she has to make up with Ryan and Clara for last night, they did not deserve to be snapped at, and the idea of that is only worsening her foul mood. However, that is something she can actively work to fix right now, so she gets to work on making a cooked breakfast for the couple in a way of an apology. Besides, she knows that she will most likely need their help to be able to mend things with Jenny, and so she has more than one reason to apologise for her actions.

She is frying the eggs when they appear in the kitchen doorway, and she offers them a guilty smile.

Clara’s expression does not change but Ryan gives her a half-smile in return, and leads his girlfriend over to the kitchen table to sit down and wait until Yaz finishes cooking. A few minutes later, she serves up two full plates of a cooked breakfast and slides them onto the table in front of the couple. They both thank her, and Ryan asks if Yaz is not having anything, but she claims that she is not hungry. Ryan narrows his eyes at her, but he does not push it, knowing that Yaz is already tetchy and not wanting to exasperate things any further. In reality, she is probably hungry and she should eat, but there is too much anxiety twisting her gut and rendering her nauseous. 

“I’m sorry for how I behaved last night,” she starts, tapping her foot anxiously against the wooden stretcher under the table. “I were angry and confused, and I took that out on you. I was acting selfishly, and I was acting like an idiot, so I’m sorry.”

Her apology is sincere, she is truly sorry and mortified by her actions, and she really hopes that she can earn their forgiveness.

“I know that wasn’t you last night, Yaz. Not really. Just … tell us what happened, because we’re worried about you,” Ryan says, and Yaz sighs in relief. On the one hand, she is happy that Ryan seems to be forgiving her, but on the other, the idea of revealing just how she had spoken to Jenny last night fills her with terror. But, she recognises that she has to tell Ryan if she wants help to try and salvage the relationship between her and Jenny.

“I had an argument with Jenny. Well, more so that I got upset with her about something and she didn’t really explain stuff. I left before she really had the chance to,” she admits, staring at the table and tracing the knots in the wood with the tip of her finger.

“What did you argue about, Yaz? Because that’s probably the key to solving this.”

Yaz stares at the table a moment longer, composing herself, before she begins to speak once again.

“We ended up talking about her ex. Noelle’s dad. I don’t know why, it’s just something I’ve never even thought about being a factor before, but I’m pretty sure she told me everything and it was just … it was a lot to take. And I didn’t know how to deal with it,” she admits, refusing to look at either Clara nor Ryan for the fear of what their expressions will be in reaction to her statement. Disappointment, most likely.

When she eventually looks up, Ryan and Clara are looking at each other, engaged in some sort of silent conversation.

“Yaz, Jenny’s already texted this morning to say she’s off work so she doesn’t need us to babysit. But that’s not like Jen, I think I should probably go over there and check on her.”

Yaz nods, taking the information in slowly. It must be bad if Jenny has chosen to take the day off work, in the short time she has known the other woman, she has come to learn that Jenny loves her job, she loves to be busy, so to spontaneously take a day off on her own terms is so unlike her that Yaz cannot help but feel the regret and anxiety curl up further in her stomach.

“Yaz, I know you probably don’t want to talk about it, but it would really help if I had more details before I go over there. Who initiated the conversation, was it you or was it her?”

Yaz falters for a minute, questioning how they even got into that conversation last night. “It was a bit of both of us, I think. She has a picture on her bedroom wall of Noelle as a newborn, and I asked about it. She said that Noelle’s dad organised all that because she was still really out of it, and then I started asking questions about him. I didn’t — I didn’t know that Noelle still sees him, that she still sees him sometimes, and I jumped to conclusions. She explained what their current situation is, and I just got … not angry, not jealous — I don’t know.”

“Protective?” Clara offers, and Yaz nods. She realises that is how she feels over the other woman and her daughter; she is close with them, perhaps they had gotten too close too fast, and now she is fiercely protective of both of them. It is a little terrifying, how strongly she feels about them, to the point that she may have cost them their relationship because she immediately jumped to conclusions when she had essentially forced Jenny to reveal to her what was probably incredibly difficult for her to share, without giving her the chance first to emotionally prepare herself to share that information. Yaz recognises that it was selfish and impulsive of her, and she regrets it immensely. She wants nothing more than to go straight over there and apologise, to explain herself, but she knows that that would just be counterproductive, that she needs to give Jenny space and time to process her own thoughts before she will be ready to speak to Yaz again.

“I should give her space, shouldn’t I?” Yaz checks, and the couple opposite her nod. 

“I’ll go over there and check on her and Noelle. Yaz, you need a shower, something to eat, and a nap,” Ryan instructs, and Yaz rolls her eyes in protest before Ryan looks at her pointedly until she stops. She knows that Ryan is right. She just has to trust in him to help her fix the mess that she has made.

* * *

Yaz somehow manages to make it through the entire weekend without reaching out to Jenny, as hard as she finds it, giving the other woman space to think and process without feeling rushed by Yaz. But, Yaz has to admit that she is missing the mother-daughter duo much more than she thought she would, and she hopes that Jenny is ready to speak to her soon, and that, even if they do not rekindle their romantic relationship, they can still remain friends. And she hopes that this will happen soon, Christmas Day and Noelle’s birthday are just less than a week away, and she does not want to miss the occasion.

She muses over this as she wraps up her last lesson of the morning, making sure each child is returned to their parents before she makes her way back to the staffroom. She likes that particular lesson, the children are all aged between eight and eleven, experienced enough at snowboarding to know what they are doing, but not so far as they are overly confident and think that they know better than Yaz. Of course the children in the class change regularly, but there are a often one or two who recognise Yaz from her professional snowboarding career, and although it can be a little awkward at first, it is nice to talk with them, and it makes her day to know that they have had the opportunity to meet someone that they admire. Even if she can never quite get used to it.

She muses over this as she makes her way back to the staff centre, chancing a glance at the first aid building next door to see if she can catch sight of Jenny. Unsurprisingly, she does not, and so she peels her gloves away from her hands as she steps through the door. Opening her locker, she swaps her snowboard and helmet for her lunchbox, before removing the rest of her outer layers in regret and sinking into one of the sofas. It feels strange not to head straight to the first aid building, this is the first time she has actually eaten lunch here on a Monday since she started the job, so she has no idea who will have a break that matches hers. She momentarily curses herself for not making a better effort to make friends with her co-workers from the get go. Although, she supposes, she has made friends with Clara, and Jenny is technically a coworker, so she has not been completely antisocial. But maybe she could have just put herself out there a little more.

She is still thinking about this when she looks up and sees Clara walking in. She relaxes slightly at the sight of the other woman, knowing that she will not have to spend her lunch hour entirely alone.

“Hey!” Clara smiles as she sits down next to Yaz, pulling out her own lunch and making Yaz feel a little bit more at ease.

“You don’t usually have this lunch hour today, do you?” She asks.

Yaz shakes her head. “No, I do. Normally eat with Jenny, though.”

“Ahh.” Clara smiles at her sympathetically for a moment before returning her concentration to her food.

“She’ll come around, you know. She just needs time.”

“I hope so,” Yaz replies, staring at her sandwich. “I really hope so.”

* * *

It is now Friday afternoon, two days before Christmas Day and Noelle’s birthday, and Yaz is yet to hear anything from Jenny. The week has been torturous, she has wanted nothing more than to reach out to the other woman, to properly apologise and make up, but still, she knows that she has to let Jenny come to her. She has made sure that Ryan relayed the message that Yaz is ready to apologise to Jenny and talk things out whenever they are ready, but it is still hard to wait. 

So, instead of thinking about Jenny and Noelle, Yaz tries her best to put all of her focus in her teaching that day. She hopes that if the weather holds out she will be able to get in a couple of runs of her own before the light fades and she has to head home for the day. She really needs that time on her own, that opportunity to have the wind rushing through her hair and her board carving a path through the snow. She hopes that she will get that opportunity, a chance to blow away the cobwebs as well as some of her frustrations.

Her group this afternoon is an advanced group, some of them have been here over a month, and so she sets them off down a trickier piste and waits for a moment before following. She enjoys the wind rushing past her face as she gains speed, if she were not wearing a helmet and had chosen to throw caution to safety her hair would be streaming out behind her, a little bit like a princess. A badass, snowboarding princess nonetheless.

As she moves further down the slope, she falters. There is a large group of people gathered around to the side of the slope, standing around something. One of her students spots her and shouts something unintelligible, but it sounds urgent, so Yaz skids to a stop so abruptly that she tumbles and her hands fly out to catch herself. A pain shoots through her right hand, but she ignores it in favour of unclipping her board from her feet before jogging over. As she nears the group, she can immediately see that something is very very wrong. There is a figure on snow, groaning in pain and trying to reach down to their ankle. Yaz feels sick, as images flash through her head and phantom pain burns at her own ankle, but she pushes through it and past the people, dropping to her knees next to the figure. She does not recognise them, it is not one of her students and she concludes it must be someone tackling the slopes on their own, but still, she is the only figure of authority here at present and so she has to deal with this.

She dismisses her own class, apologising for their lost time, before she jumps into action.

“Hi, can you tell me your name?” she asks, leaning over so she is in the person’s field of vision. There is a graze along the side of one cheek, but Yaz is relieved to see that both helmet and goggles are still intact and in the right place, meaning it is a lot less likely that there is some sort of head injury.

“Alex,” they mutter, the bit of their face that Yaz can see scrunching up in pain as their hands continue to try and reach down.

“Hi Alex, my name’s Yasmin and I work here. I’m going to radio for help, can you tell me where you’re hurting?”

“My ankle.”

“Which one?”

“Erm...left.”

“Anywhere else?”

Alex shakes their head, and Yaz gives them what she hopes is a reassuring smile, despite the panic bubbling up inside her, flashbacks threatening to crowd her mind. But she is running on adrenaline, and it forces her to keep soldiering on.

“I heard a snap,” someone pipes up, and Yaz looks up to see a concerned face hovering over her shoulder.

“Are you a friend?” She asks and the woman above her nods.

“Alright, can you hold their hand and try and keep them calm while I radio for help?”

Alex’s friend nods and kneels down, taking a hand and talking to her friend quietly. Yaz digs out her radio and inputs the code for the rescue team.

_ “Yasmin Khan calling for first responders. Flégére slope, closest marker is 13, right hand side as you come up. Suspected broken ankle. Over” _

Yaz waits for the response with bated breath. It is the waiting that makes her begin to panic.

There is a crackle of static and then a response comes through.

_ “Two first responders on their way to you now. Is the victim conscious? Over.” _

_ “Yes, conscious and fully alert. Over.” _

_ “Hang tight. Approximately fifteen minutes and they will be with you. Over.” _

Yaz clicks off her radio and puts it back in place before returning her attention to Alex on the ground. Now, she has to keep herself and Alex calm while they wait, something that may be easier said than done when she can already feel the panic squeezing at her chest.

“There’s a rescue team on the way, Alex,” she says, moving back over. “We’ll have you down off this mountain in no time.”

Alex smiles and nods their head.

“I’m going to remove your skis from your boots, alright? And then put them in the snow uphill of you in a cross to alert other skiers that we’re here,” she explains and Alex nods.

Yaz begins to carefully remove the skis from Alex’s boots, right first and then moving to the left. But she stops when they groan in pain, letting them take a moment.

“Why don’t you tell me about your friend here?” She asks, trying to distract both herself and the person lying on the floor. It should work well enough until real help arrives and Yaz can pass over the control. When they begin to talk, she resumes her work.

“This is Jess, known her since primary school,” they grin, looking up at their friend. “Annoying as anything but I love her really.”

“Aww, thanks mate,” Jess quips, and Alex grins. “They’re just as bad, to be honest.”

Jess chuckles, and Yaz joins in. It reminds her of her friendship with Ryan, the constant back and forth and recalling of childhood memories making the conversation flow naturally and with ease.

Thankfully, Yaz is able to remove the skis quickly, despite how stiff the bindings are, and sticks them into the snow before returning her attention to Alex on the ground in front of her. They’re beginning to shiver and their lips are turning a little blue, and Yaz hopes that it is not too long before a rescue team appears. And, by some stroke of luck, it is only ten minutes before she sees the familiar red, yellow and green fluorescent vests of the team moving down the mountain towards them. She breathes a sigh of relief. It is almost over, she can almost hand over control.

But then her heart jumps into her throat when she spots the person behind the sled. That is Jenny’s coat. That is Jenny’s helmet. So, unless someone else has the exact same combination as her, that has to be Jenny. Panic claws at Yaz’s brain even further; despite having been patiently waiting for the other woman to come around all this week, somehow having her right in front of her throws her off completely. She is already panicking, this incident reminding her of her own a mere three years ago.

She sees Jenny falter a little when she realises that it is Yaz kneeling on the floor, Yaz who radioed for help, but she seems to snap herself out of it by shaking her head and jumps straight into action alongside her colleague. Yaz steps away, the sound of Jenny and the other responder talking to Alex far too familiar, it is like she is watching herself on the floor, watching herself drifting in and out of consciousness. It all becomes too much, until she backs away to where she can no longer hear them, blood rushing in her ears crowding her senses as she sinks back down to the floor.

Moisture pools in the bottom of her goggles and runs down her face when she removes them, tugging down her buff at the same time because she cannot breathe, she cannot get enough air in, the fabric over her mouth and nose only exacerbating the situation. The freezing air that hits her face and makes her skin sting works slightly in grounding her, but soon enough her sharp, shallow breaths mixed with the altitude render it even harder to breathe, her vision going funny around the edges, black dots contrasting with the bright white snow as they swim across her field of view.

Her hands curl into fists automatically but she gasps as pain shoots through her right hand. Why does that hurt so much? She cries out against the pain and squeezes her eyes shut , and it must alert someone, because she can just about register the sound of boots crunching through the snow, moving in her direction.

“Yaz? Yaz are you okay?”

Yaz baulks at the sound of a voice so close to her all of a sudden and her eyes snap open she jumps backwards, her hands automatically flying to the ground to stop her falling. But it sends a fresh wave of pain through her hand and she yelps, snatching it up and cradling it to her chest. But that is Jenny sitting in front of her, and no matter how mad they may be with each other at that moment, she knows that Jenny will just want to look after her.

“Deep breaths, Yaz. Just breathe with me, yeah? You’re okay,” she reassures, and Yaz nods slowly while she tries to match her breathing to the other woman. It is hard, panic still tearing away at her and the cold air burning her lungs as her breaths continue to come shallowly. It starts to feel a little bit less like she is dying, like she is running out of time as the blackness starts to fade from the corners and Jenny’s face comes into focus in front of her. There is a small smile to her features, that wonky slope of her upper lip even more pronounced, and Yaz stares straight into her eyes as she begins to calm down.

“Well done Yaz. You’re safe, you’re okay.”

“What just happened?” She gasps, running her uninjured hand over her face.

“You were having a panic attack,” Jenny explains softly. “I called for you a couple of times but you didn’t hear me, so I came over here.”

“It felt like I was dying.”

“It can do,” she says sympathetically. “But you’re not, and it’s over now.”

Yaz nods slowly, reaching out with her uninjured hand. Jenny takes it and squeezes tightly, helping to ground Yaz further. She starts to lose a little bit of the floating sensation in her head, but her legs still feel like jelly.

“Is your hand hurting?”

“Yeah. Don’t know why though,” Yaz answers, squeezing Jenny’s hand back.

“I’ll take a look for you when we get back down.”

“Wait, what about Alex?” Yaz asks suddenly, remembering that she essentially just abandoned someone.

“They’re fine. There was another instructor nearby so they took my place at the back of the sled. Alex is already on their way down, they’ll be okay.”

Yaz still feels awful that she could not help, could not assist in the rescue, but it helps somewhat to know that another person arrived and was able to help, meaning that Jenny is now free to look after Yaz.

“C’mon, let’s get you down off this mountain. Do you think you can walk on your own?”

Yaz bites her lip. As much as she wants to be independent, wants to prove that she is a lot tougher than she feels right now, even she has to admit that her head feels like it is floating several inches away from where it should be and her legs are completely numb. She shakes her head regretfully.

Jenny moves to one side of her to wrap an arm around her waist and then take her uninjured hand in hers to help haul her to her feet. She gives Yaz a moment or two to adjust before they begin to move slowly and carefully down the mountain, picking their way through the snow to get to the nearest route down. Jenny’s presence next to her is calming, and Yaz forces herself to just keep concentrating on her breathing and putting one foot in front of the other, and not the conversation she needs to have that is now looming over their heads far more than it ever was.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> See you on Friday!


	8. Explanations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jenny and Yaz finally talk to each other after the argument that tore them apart

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so this is one hell of a chapter, the longest one yet in this fic! Many, many things happen.  
> Warnings for the following:  
> \- panic attacks  
> \- nightmares/flashbacks  
> \- character injury  
> \- discussion of drug and alcohol abuse
> 
> Thank you once again to WalkerLister and anobii1992 for their continued support and listening to my rambling

Jenny barely sleeps a wink that night, images flashing through her mind every time she closes her eyes, long after Yaz leaves. She manages to get a couple of hours of rest, but she is plagued by dreams of her ex taking Noelle from her, refusing to bring her back, and she wakes in a sweaty tangle of sheets as her breaths come too fast and she fights against the fabric to untangle it from her legs. Feet hit the floor at the same time as her hand comes to clutch at her chest, legs carrying her out of her bedroom door and across the hall. She lets out a breath she did not know she was holding when she pushes open the door to see a Noelle shaped lump under the sheets, brown curls splayed across her pillow and her thumb tucked in her mouth.

Jenny backs out of the room slowly, shutting the door softly behind her to avoid waking the sleeping toddler and then taking a moment to rest her forehead on her crossed arms against the wall. Noelle is safe, she is safe. They are both safe. But is Yaz safe? Jenny had not seen that side of Yaz before tonight, such anger that had come about so quickly, and it scares her. She did not know that Yaz has such a quick temper, that she is so easily riled up. But then again, that might not be the case. For all Jenny knows, she could be completely in the wrong and just not know it.

Muffling a sob against the skin of her wrist, she pushes herself away from the wall with determination and makes her way down to the kitchen on shaky legs. She desperately needs a drink of water, her throat dry and head pounding from crying. Fumbling the glass in her hands, she very nearly drops it on the floor, but thankfully, it stays in her grip as she downs it in one go.

She makes her way through another full glass before she begins to feel waterlogged and she stumbles into the living room, sinking down onto the sofa and pulling a blanket tightly around her shoulders to try and curb the tremors currently wracking her whole body. There is no way she can sleep now, she is far too on edge, but exhaustion is set deep into her bones, making them ache. The clock on the wall reads thirteen minutes past four in the morning, and it is still pitch black outside. She knows that she should go back to bed, she has to be at work in just less than five hours, but her mind is racing as she tucks her knees up to her chest and hugs them tight, rocking back and forward a little on the sofa in an attempt to calm her brain from the tangle of thoughts.

* * *

She does not know how long it has been when she is woken by a rough shaking of her shoulder, and a voice in her ear.

“Mama! Wake up!” Noelle calls, her little face pinched in concern.

Jenny blinks a few times before sitting up fully, pressing the heel of her hand between her eyes before she looks properly at her daughter. One look at her face is enough to tell her that she has a lot of explaining to do, she looks like she could burst into tears at any second and so Jenny reaches out, Noelle clambering into her lap and tucking herself as close to Jenny as she can get.

“Hey, honey. What’s the matter?” Jenny soothes, rubbing her back and tucking her own chin to her chest so she can look down at her daughter.

“You weren’t in your bed and Yaz wasn’t there too and I thought you had left me!” She half hiccups, half cries, and Jenny’s heart cracks.

“I’m so sorry sweetheart. I would never ever leave you, okay?” She reassures, holding her tightly and rocking them back and forth as the sensations of dread and failure curl in her stomach, rendering her even more nauseous than she was already. 

“I’m sorry, Mama,” she sniffles, her snotty nose pressing into Jenny’s exposed collarbones.

“Hey, you’ve got nothing to be sorry about, Noelle. I’m sorry I scared you.”

Noelle nods and rests her cheek against Jenny again, sniffling into the quiet that the pair of them embrace for a few minutes, until Noelle speaks up with the dreaded question.

“Mama, where’s Yaz?” She asks, eyes wide and shiny as she gazes up at her mother.

Jenny falters for a moment, of course she cannot tell Noelle the full truth, that is not something she needs to know at this moment, but she also does not want to lie to her.

“Erm, she had to go home suddenly,” she explains, settling for the truth but without all of the extra details.

“Oh,” Noelle nods, staring at the teddy bear in her hands. “Is she not going to look after me today then?” She asks, completely innocently.

Jenny’s heart drops, she had completely forgotten that half the reason Yaz had planned to stay over in the first place was because Jenny had picked up an extra shift at the hospital and so Yaz had agreed to babysit alongside Ryan and Clara, and then the whole group were planning on visiting the Christmas market after that.

“I’m not going to work today now,” she explains, making the snap decision to call in sick. She has had no more than a couple of hours of fitful dozing as an excuse for sleep, she is disorientated and so anxious she feels sick. It will take all of her energy just to watch Noelle for the day, there is no way she would be able to concentrate at work.

“Come on, let’s go and get you some breakfast,” Jenny decides, standing up and scooping Noelle up onto her hip in one fluid motion. She walks with one elbow against the wall for balance, her headache still has not abated and she feels dizzy and sick. It is anxiety, she is sure, but getting her body and brain to move and cooperate currently feels like pushing treacle up a hill.

In the kitchen, she allows Noelle to sit on the bench and watch as she prepares her a bowl of sweetened oatmeal, adding perhaps a little too much brown sugar to the top. She prepares herself a mug of coffee, she feels like she will need all the willpower and energy she can get to make it through the day.

When Noelle is sitting down, she sends a text to her boss to let them know that she will not be coming to work today, and then one to Ryan to say that she does not need a babysitter anymore.

“Are you not having breakfast, mama?” The almost four-year-old asks when Jenny sits opposite her, sipping at her coffee slowly.

“I already had breakfast,” she lies, handing her daughter a tissue to wipe her chin when she is a little over ambitious with the amount of food on her spoon and not quite all of it makes it into her mouth.

Thankfully, Noelle takes after her mother and could talk the hind legs off a donkey if she wanted to, so their breakfast is not silent despite Jenny’s difficulty to form words this morning. After breakfast, she steers Noelle to her room to help her get dressed, a pair of red dungarees and a grey, snowflake dusted sweater being the outfit choice of the day. She pulls the top of Noelle’s curls back into a half ponytail, letting the rest of them fall naturally over her shoulders. If she were planning on going out anywhere today, she would make more of an effort to secure her hair against the normal strong winds that they get in the winter, but they are not, so she saves herself the trouble.

She has just finished getting herself dressed into a pair of thermal leggings and a plain black turtleneck when there is a knock at the front door and she almost jumps out of her own skin.

“Mama, the door!” Noelle hollers from the living room, and Jenny tries to swallow the lump in her throat. Thanks to the nightmares that had plagued her through the night, her mind immediately jumps to the conclusion that it is her ex outside her door, but there is no way that it can be. He has no way of knowing what happened last night, he does not have their address, it cannot be him. Then, eliminating that possibility, she moves onto the idea that it could be Yaz. But she is not ready to see Yaz, she is not ready to talk about what happened last night. And she feels as though Yaz would not be ready either, they both need more time.

There is another knock at the door, and Jenny jumps again.

“Mama, there’s someone at the door!” Noelle yells again more insistently, and Jenny takes a steadying breath.

“Coming,  _ bébé,”  _ she calls, willing her voice to stay steady. She makes her way down the hallway on shaky legs, pausing when she reaches the door, hand resting on the handle. It is moments like this that she really wishes they had a peephole.

“Who is it?” She calls tentatively, aware of Noelle’s curious gaze through the living room doors.

“Jen, it’s Ryan. Open up!”

Jenny breathes a sigh of relief. Ryan, she can deal with Ryan. Ryan will help.

She slowly inches the door open and peers through the gap,  _ just in case,  _ and then opening the door fully when she realises that it is actually him and her mind is not playing tricks on her.

His face is sympathetic as he steps through the door, watching as Jenny locks and chains the door, double checking before she steps back and regards Ryan with a wary gaze through the curtain of hair that hides her face.

“Did Yaz get home okay?” She whispers, as though it is a shameful question to even consider asking. But, despite their argument and the ongoing fallout that Jenny is currently experiencing, she still cares for the other woman and she does have her best interests at heart.

“Yeah, she did,” Ryan says, moving through to the living room and ruffling Noelle’s hair where she is sitting on the floor with a colouring book. She tries to fend him off with a squeak of protest, but her attention remains on the picture of a reindeer in front of her, her little tongue poking out of the corner of her mouth as she concentrates.

“Jen, I mean this in the nicest possible way, but you look awful. Do you need a hug?” He asks, and Jenny nods gratefully.

“Please.”

Ryan opens his arms and she falls into them, breathing in the familiar smell of his fabric softener and letting him hold her solidly while she takes a moment to collect herself.

“Do you want to talk about it?” He asks, and Jenny nods but points towards the kitchen.

“We’ll be back in a minute, kid,” she explains to Noelle, and then leads Ryan from the room. She leans against the kitchen bench, watching as Ryan makes himself at home and turns the kettle on and drops a slice of bread into the toaster.

Jenny scowls at his back, trying and failing to wipe the expression off her face when he turns around to look at her.

“Don’t look at me like that, Genevieve. You can’t tell me you’ve eaten this morning. You need to eat.”

Jenny does not argue, because she knows that Ryan is right. It does not mean she has to like it, though.

Ryan waits until Jenny has worked her way through the single slice of toast and the cup of tea he sets down next to her on the bench, and then leads her to sit at the little breakfast table under the largest window out to the street below.

“Tell me what happened,” he commands gently, looking at Jenny across the table.

“I’m sure Yaz already told you all about it.”

“She gave me an abridged description of her version of events, but I need to hear your point of view too,” he explains.

Jenny swallows her nerves before beginning to speak.

“We were about to go to bed, and she asked about a picture of Noelle on my bedroom wall. I casually mentioned that her dad had organised it, and Yaz started asking all these … questions. I couldn’t keep up, I couldn’t cope with it. But she kept asking, and when I couldn’t answer properly, she got so angry. She was just … she was yelling at me and so angry and I just panicked. All these memories —“

She breaks off with a choked sob, and Ryan gets up to round the table and crouch down opposite her.

“Jenny, deep breaths, you’re okay, you’re safe.”

She shakes her head and snatches her hands away from Ryan, curling them around her stomach as she doubles over.

“Genevieve, you’re alright. It’s just us. Tell me five things you can see right now.”

“Can’t,” she gasps.

“Yeah, you can. I’ll start you off. You’re sitting on a chair, so I can see that.”

Jenny breathes quickly, nodding her head in determination. She can do this, she can definitely do this.

“Erm, chair. You. Kettle,” she recites, eyes flicking around the room.

“Well done, two more things for me.”

“Dirty dishes. And the biscuit tin,” she finishes, leaning backwards and slumping a little in her chair.

“Well done, Jenny. You’re okay, you’re home, it’s just us and Noelle here,” Ryan reassures, squeezing Jenny’s hands tightly this time when she uncurls them from her middle.

As though she were summoned, the toddler appears in the doorway, clutching her teddy bear tightly and chewing her thumb.

“Mama, what’s wrong?” She asks, tentatively hovering at the threshold.

“Do you want to come and give her a hug?” Ryan asks, partially ignoring the question. “I think she would like that.”

Noelle nods and scurries over, allowing Ryan to lift her up and deposit her on Jenny’s lap, the mother holding her daughter close and hiding her face in wild curls as she gets her breaths back under control.

“Do you want me to stick around today?” Ryan asks, still crouched on the floor in front of the mother daughter duo.

Jenny nods sheepishly. As much as she does not want to admit it, she does not want to be alone with Noelle today; she is exhausted and barely has enough energy to function on her own, never mind looking after Noelle too.

“You’re sure?” She asks, rubbing Noelle’s back.

“Yeah, I were going to babysit today anyway, remember?”

“Oh right, yeah,” Jenny breathes through an unsuccessfully stifled yawn.

“Jen, go back to bed, you’re exhausted. Noelle and I can hang out for a bit,” he reasons. Jenny is about to protest when she is engulfed by another yawn.

“Fine, maybe I could do with some sleep,” she concedes, kissing the top of Noelle’s head before gently lifting her off her lap and setting her back down on the ground.

“Thank you,” she whispers to Ryan, giving him another quick hug before slowly making her way out of the kitchen and down the hallway. She really hopes that she will feel a bit better and have a clearer head if she can get a good amount of sleep.

* * *

When Jenny wakes a few hours later, she does have to admit that her headache has abated a little and the world does seem a little less terrifying. She takes her time to wake up properly, stretching out her limbs like a cat before getting up and making her way down to where she can hear laughter floating out of the kitchen. She wanders in slowly, a soft smile taking purchase on her face when she sees Ryan wearing her christmas apron and a homemade paper chef’s hat, Noelle sitting on the bench and giggling as she steals chunks of cheese when she thinks Ryan is not looking.

When Ryan’s back is turned, she sneaks over, raising a finger to her lips when Noelle spots her before nabbing a chunk of cheese, just as Ryan turns around, catching her in the act.

“Hey, told you she would appear when we started cooking, didn’t I, Noelle?” He grins, and Noelle nods triumphantly.

“Yes, Uncle Ryan said you think with your stomach.”

Jenny gasps in mock offence, but raises her hands. “Guilty as charged, we lived with you for too long.”

Now it is Ryan’s turn to look offended, but it does not last as he plates up two fresh cheese toasties and puts them on the breakfast table.

“Lunch, for two of my favourite people in the whole world,” he grins, lifting Noelle down from the bench and setting her down on the floor when she stretches her arms out, legs kicking in excitement.

“Thanks, Ryan,” Jenny says sincerely as she sits down opposite her daughter, picking at her food slowly but eating it nonetheless. The stress of the last sixteen hours or so has really sapped all the energy out of her, and she is hungrier than she realised.

Ryan ends up staying with them for the whole day, entertaining Noelle and allowing Jenny the space and time to process her own thoughts. By the time Ryan leaves and she retires to bed, she has come to the conclusion that she does want to mend things with Yaz, so that they can at least be friends again, and possibly even pursue their romantic relationship further. Amongst the arguments last night, Yaz had said that she had been planning to ask Jenny to be her girlfriend. And, despite everything, she finds that she would not want to say no to Yaz. It is true that their relationship has progressed quickly, and it has been intense, but she has also loved every moment of it and does not want it to stop. She just has to work things out with Yaz first.

* * *

Despite her revelations over the weekend, Jenny still finds it incredibly difficult to go back to work on Monday. She makes sure she is there early on purpose so that she does not have a chance to see Yaz; she is not ready to do that yet. Still, her heart jumps into her mouth every time her phone lights up with a notification or the door opens, but of course, it is never her. Jenny appreciates that the other woman is giving her space, but it still hurts all the same. Over the last month or so, they have spent almost every spare minute together, and now it is so close to Noelle’s birthday and Chtistmas, not seeing Yaz at all hurts and she misses her sorely.

So, she puts all her racing thoughts into working hard, jumping at every opportunity to take on a few extra tasks, deal with more difficult injuries, fill out more paperwork. Her coworkers must notice that something is up; not that Jenny is not normally a hard worker, but this is extreme even for her. However, they do not say anything.

She keeps up the same attitude throughout the week, both at work on the mountain, and at work in the hospital. She is exhausted, spreading herself thin, but the exhaustion helps her sleep at night. Nightmares still plague her, of course, but they are less intense than those first couple of nights, they come less frequently, and she is able to fall back asleep quicker, but not without compulsively checking on Noelle first.

By Friday she is running on empty, and desperate for the weekend. Although, of course, it just so happens to be the weekend of Christmas, the weekend of Noelle’s birthday. Her parents and her brother are arriving later this afternoon, and as excited as she is to see them, of course, they are also due to arrive right as she is finishing her shift, and so she will not have a moment to herself for over a week, until the new year, and she is slightly panicked about how she will be able to cope with all of that.

Although, she muses as she eats her lunch, she has decided that she does want to try and reconcile things with Yaz, and that she will call her this evening after work and after her family has settled. She knows that she is ready to face these issues with Yaz. In the first place, it was not so much that she had not wanted to have that conversation with Yaz, it was more so that she did not have the chance prior to that conversation to mentally prepare herself, to know what she was going to say and to have the chance to explain everything fully. As a result, there are a lot of unanswered questions and assumptions that have been made, and Jenny would really, really like the chance to clear the air between them.

It is an hour into the afternoon part of her shift when the emergency alarm sounds on the wall, and Jenny’s head snaps up from her computer screen, ready to jump into action at a moment’s notice.

Her colleague closest to the receiver picks it up, and Jenny stands up to wait for instructions.

She watches as he nods along to the person on the other end of the line.

_ “Two first responders on their way to you now. Is the victim conscious? Over.” _

He nods to Jenny and the other first responder in the room, and they jump into action, pulling on coats and fluorescent vests and gathering up equipment.

_ “Hang tight. Approximately fifteen minutes and they will be with you. Over.” _

He clicks off the radio and turns to the other two staff members.  _ “Suspected broken ankle, Flégére slope, closest marker is 13, right hand side as you come up. The victim is conscious and fully alert, but be quick, it’s a high altitude so a higher risk of hypothermia setting in.” _

Jenny and her coworker, Claude, nod at each other and make their way out the door, Jenny with the rescue sled tucked under her arm, and Claude with the first aid supplies in a large bag.

They make their way up in the chair lift quickly, skipping the queue and jumping in with practiced ease. Jenny is antsy the whole ride up; she knows that this is her job, this is what she has trained for, and it is far from the first major incident of the season, but she is not herself and so she is nervous that she is going to miss some vital detail, not do her job properly. It scares her, but she tries her best to force her mind to concentrate on the task ahead.

They jump off the chair lift, securing the sled between them in well practiced movements and then they move down the slope, Jenny keeping an eye on the markers along the edge as they count down, as well as keeping an eye out for the crossed skis sticking up out of the snow that should be there to alert them to an injured person.

Soon, they spot what they are looking for and slide to a controlled stop, but Jenny falters when she sees the board abandoned in the snow. She does not know anyone else with a snowboard like that, so that would make the figure dressed all in black on their knees in the snow, Yaz.

When they make their arrival known, the two people kneeling on the floor turn to look at them properly, and even hidden behind her goggles, helmet and buff, Jenny knows it is Yaz. The other woman seems to be equally surprised, because she freezes momentarily as Jenny and Claude make their way over, before she seems to realise what is happening and jumps up to step out of their way so they can work.

Jenny kneels down next to the figure on the floor, clutching their friend’s hand tightly and letting out small groans of pain. 

“This is Alex, they fell and we think they’ve broken their ankle,” the friend explains, and Jenny nods.

“Hey, Alex. I’m Jenny and this is Claude, and we’re here to help. Now, can you tell us which ankle is hurting?” She asks, leaning forward so Alex can see her. She notes that their lips are starting to turn blue and they are shivering, so she signals for Claude to pass her a blanket, which he busies himself with while she pays attention to Alex.

“Left,” they say through gritted teeth, and Jenny nods.

“Okay, we’ll have you out of here in no time,” she says reassuringly, taking the blanket that Claude passes to her. 

“You’re looking pretty cold, so I’m going to wrap this blanket over you, is that okay?”

Alex nods, and Jenny sets to work tucking the blanket around them, leaving a hand free where they are holding onto their friend, and the lower left leg so she can work.

“Alright Alex, I’m going to take your boot off so I can have a proper look and to relieve some of the pressure. This will hurt, but let us know if it’s too much and we can give you a breather.”

Jenny waits for a nod of confirmation before Alex squeezes their eyes shut in anticipation and Jenny sets to work. She is as careful as she can be, working quickly but gently to get the job done as efficiently and painlessly as possible. Still, it has to hurt, but Alex does not tell her to stop so she keeps going until the shoe is off. As soon as the ankle is exposed, Jenny can see that they are holding it at a funny angle, but, to her relief, there is no blood on any of their clothing, meaning they can immediately get on with extracting them from the mountain and she will not have to perform any further medical treatments while on the slope.

“The good news is that it’s not an open fracture, so I’m going to stabilise it for you and then we’ll transfer you onto the sled so we can take you down and have you on your way to hospital.”

Jenny sets to work stabilising the joint in a heavily padded brace, apologising when they groan in pain, but she is soon done and allows Alex a moment of respite while she looks around to see where Yaz went. She should really be here, since she is presumably the one who called in the incident and was the one here when they arrived. But, she is not in the immediate vicinity, and Jenny is confused until she looks further down the slope and sees a figure hunched over at the edge of the skied out snow. It has to be Yaz, there is no one else it could be, but Jenny’s heart clenches in her chest because the way that Yaz is sitting, is so unlike Yaz that it scares her. The position is so small, so vulnerable, that for a moment Jenny does not believe it is Yaz, until she raises her head and Jenny catches sight of her side profile, confirming that it really is the other woman.

She looks around frantically, she really should be focusing on getting Alex down off the mountain, but when she knows that Yaz is only a few feet away and clearly not alright, it is difficult. To her relief, she spots a ski guides hovering nearby, and she turns to him.

_ “Can you take my place? I need to go check on that person over there,”  _ she explains, and thankfully the guide agrees, stepping in to replace Jenny’s role in moving Alex to the sled and taking them down the mountain. She hovers for mere seconds to make sure that everything is okay before jogging over to where Yaz is hunched over at the edge of the smooth snow.

“Yaz?” She calls, getting nearer. But there is no response.

“Yasmin?”

This time she cries out, but still does not acknowledge Jenny’s presence, and her concern grows as she nears her. She notices that Yaz is shaking lightly all over, sobbing into the crook of her elbow.

“Yaz? Yaz, are you okay?”

Yaz jumps backwards as Jenny crouches down in front of her and her hands fly out to stop herself falling. But, she yelps in pain as they hit the snow and she snatches them back up towards herself, cradling her right hand against her chest. Jenny instantly recognises that Yaz is in the grips of a panic attack and possibly injured, and as terrifying as that is given Yaz’s usual unshakeable nature, Jenny knows that she must act now.

“Deep breaths, Yaz. Just breathe with me, yeah? You’re okay,” she reassures, and Yaz nods slowly while she tries to match her breathing to Jenny’s. She has no idea if Yaz has ever had a panic attack before, but either way, they are terrifying and despite the fact that they fought, Jenny still cares deeply for the other woman and will do everything in her power to draw her out of it.

She smiles encouragingly as Yaz looks up at her, upper lip trembling and face tear stained, but breathing a little more evenly that she was a moment ago. Yaz stares straight into her eyes, searching for  _ something,  _ and it is unnerving.

“Well done Yaz. You’re safe, you’re okay.”

“What just happened?” She gasps, running the hand that is not clasped to her chest over her face.

“You were having a panic attack,” Jenny explains softly. “I called for you a couple of times but you didn’t hear me, so I came over here.”

“It felt like I was dying.”

“It can do,” she says sympathetically. “But you’re not, and it’s over now.”

Jenny watches carefully as Yaz nods slowly, processing what has just happened to her. Her uninjured hand wanders closer to Jenny, and the other woman captures it, squeezing tightly to try and ground Yaz further. She blinks hard before looking up at Jenny properly.

“Is your hand hurting?” Jenny asks gently, nodding towards where Yaz is still cradling it protectively to her chest.

“Yeah, don’t know why though,” she replies, using the other hand to squeeze Jenny’s.

“I’ll take a look for you when we get back down.”

“Wait, what about Alex?” Yaz asks suddenly.

“They’re fine. There was another instructor nearby so they took my place at the back of the sled. Alex is already on their way down, they’ll be okay.”

Jenny watches as Yaz clearly fights some internal mental battle until she turns back to Jenny with a look of almost defeat on her face.

“C’mon, let’s get you down off this mountain. Do you think you can walk on your own?” Jenny decides. It is getting colder by the minute, and Yaz is still shaking like a leaf.

Jenny watches sympathetically as Yaz chews her lip, her face screwing up in embarrassment until she shakes her head regretfully.

Jenny does not say anything, just moves to Yaz’s side to wrap an arm securely around her waist. She takes the uninjured hand in hers and squeezes tightly before pulling Yaz to her feet. She gives her a moment to adjust before they move, first up the slope slightly so Jenny can collect her things and Yaz’s board. She does, attaching it to the side of her own rucksack before sliding her arm back around Yaz’s waist and starting to pick their way carefully down the mountain to the nearest chair lift that will take them back down to the base. Jenny knows that there is a conversation that has to be had, many conversations in fact, but for now she is enjoying being in Yaz’s presence again and focusing on getting her safely off the mountain.

* * *

Back in the first aid centre, Jenny steers Yaz towards the sofa and sits her down gently, drawing a thick blanket around her shoulders before helping her out of her damp, outer layer of snow pants and tucking an extra blanket around her legging-clad legs. She watches Yaz carefully, she seems to keep zoning out and then startling slightly and bringing herself back to the present. Jenny treats her carefully, narrating every action. She is sure that there is something more going on than a simple injury, but that is not her main concern at the moment.

“Do you want me to take a look at your hand now?” She asks gently, crouching down in front of Yaz and placing a hand on her knee.

Yaz jumps slightly but nods at Jenny, still holding her hand to her chest.

“Let’s go through to the back,” she says, nodding to the door that leads through to the small treatment room. Yaz looks confused, still, and does not say anything, but allows Jenny to help her up and lead her through to the back, settling her on one of the two examination beds and pulling over a small wheeled stool so she can sit down and examine the other woman. It is a strange situation, but Yaz needs medical attention and so she has to pretend that there is still not a strange air between the two women.

She reaches over and places an inflatable cushion on Yaz’s lap, signalling for the other woman to rest her gloved hand on it.

“Is there a specific part of your hand that is hurting more than anywhere else?”

Yaz nods and uses her other hand to point to the area around her ring finger, looking up at Jenny tentatively. 

“Alright. I’ll have to take your glove off so I can check it out properly, I’ll be really gentle but tell me if you need me to stop. Got it?”

Yaz nods again but she still does not say anything, and Jenny only grows more worried.

She begins to work gently to remove Yaz’s glove, apologising when Yaz hisses through her teeth but she does not tell her to stop, so Jenny continues until the glove is discarded and Yaz’s hand it revealed; her ring finger and the knuckles around it are swollen and already starting to bruise. Jenny gently lays Yaz’s hand back down before getting up and walking over to the cupboard, pulling out an ice pack that she snaps and shows to Yaz before laying it over the back of her hand.

“That’ll numb it for you and bring some of the swelling down so I can have a proper look. From a first glance though, nothing looks out of place so that’s good,” she reassures, and Yaz just gives a small nod again.

Jenny sits in the silence, the uncomfortable silence that she does not know the result of, whether it is because Yaz is still upset with her or if it is because Yaz is still unusually shaken by the incident. Strangely, Jenny hopes that it is the latter because that is something she can work to fix right now and get to the bottom of the problem and help Yaz out. Again, despite their argument, Jenny has an enormous amount of concern and care for the other woman.

“Is it numb yet?” She asks, indicating Yaz’s right hand.

“Yeah,” she whispers, and Jenny is so relieved to have finally got a word out of her, the first since Jenny has brought her down from the mountain.

“Okay, I’m going to feel around for any damage, if it hurts tell me,” Jenny instructs, and Yaz answers again with a nod.

Jenny begins her examination, first feeling around the edge of the bruising on the back of Yaz’s hand, and then moving towards her ring finger where she is sure the damage is. Jenny has no idea how Yaz could have hurt herself, if she was involved in the accident on the slopes but she can ask her about that later. When she applies a small amount of pressure to the metacarpal bone at the bottom of her ring finger, Yaz sucks in air through her teeth.

“It hurts there?” Jenny confirms, and Yaz nods.

She feels around for a couple more moments, but not finding any glaring abnormalities, she sets Yaz’s hand back down.

“Nothing feels out of place, so you’ve either given it a really good bruising, or you’ve got a very minor fracture in the bone,” she explains, but Yaz’s eyes go wide and her breathing picks up noticeably.

“Hey, it’s nothing major. I can drive you to the hospital for an x-ray if you want but all that would do is tell you if the bone is fractured or not, they won’t be able to do anything else other than strap your fingers, which I can do for you.”

“No no no, not the hospital,” Yaz croaks, squirming on the bed and cradling her hand to her chest again, the ice pack falling to the floor with a  _ thunk. _

“Hey hey, it’s okay, we don’t have to go to the hospital.”

As soon as Jenny mentions the hospital again, she notices that Yaz’s breathing picks up and she is verging on yet another panic attack so she snaps into action once again.

“Yaz, I’m going to hold your good hand, I need you to concentrate on that for me, okay?”

Jenny slowly reaches forwards and takes Yaz’s hand, grasping it tightly to ground her before she spirals too far. Thankfully, she does not shy away and actually leans towards Jenny slightly, seeking comfort.

“I need you to breathe with me Yaz. We’ll do it together, breathe in, hold, and out again. Okay?”

Jenny starts the breathing, still squeezing Yaz’s hand tight and encouraging her to match it. Luckily for Yaz, Jenny managed to catch the panic attack before it spiralled too far and so she does not find it as difficult as earlier to bring herself back to the present. But, she still slumps slightly and Jenny is worried about how exhausted Yaz seems to be.

“I’m going to come and sit beside you Yaz, and I think a hug would help, do you think that is something we can do?”

“Please,” Yaz whispers, easily sinking into Jenny’s embrace when she offers it. Jenny holds her tight, noting how small Yaz feels in her arms and how much she is shaking. Eventually, Yaz sits up of her own accord, wiping at her eyes roughly with her good hand.

“I shattered my ankle,” she says suddenly, looking at Jenny with a slightly terrifying level of determination. “I shattered my ankle three years ago and it was terrifying because I was in the US and my family couldn’t get out there to be with me. I missed out on making the Olympic team this time last year because I had taken so much time off and that’s why I chose to take early retirement.”

“Oh Yaz,” she breathes, things suddenly starting to click into place. Why she had reacted so badly to the accident on the slopes, why she had seemed to panic at the mere mention of a hospital.

“You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to,” Jenny reassures, wrapping an arm back around her shoulders and squeezing gently.

“I have to,” Yaz says, that signature look of determination back on her face.

“It happened because I was reckless. I was on a difficult slope, one of the hardest I’ve ever done, and I did a jump, one I shouldn’t have done and I landed badly. Went tumbling off-piste and I’m pretty sure I had already broken it when I landed but there were a lot of rocks that I fell through … had to be airlifted out,” she says, shaking like a leaf in Jenny’s loose hug.

“I were in the hospital for three weeks, two surgeries. It were four months before I was back on my feet, a year before I could board again. Never got as good as I was,” she finishes regretfully.

“Yaz … I’m sorry, that’s awful Yaz,” Jenny repeats, for lack of a better response. She would like to think that she will be able to come up with something better later on, but really, what else can she say in response to such a revelation.

“That’s a really huge thing for you to share with me, Yaz. I’m happy you shared it and I’m right here if you want to talk about it anymore, yeah? But I also get it if you don’t want to.”

Yaz turns to look properly at her, still sitting a bit slouched and so she is looking up at her, and it makes her seem small and vulnerable. It is so unlike the Yaz she knows that Jenny finds it difficult to comprehend.

“Thanks. It felt good to tell you, it’s this weird  _ thing _ about me that I never know when to tell people. Because it’s big, but it’s not like I just meet someone new and I’m like ‘hey, I shattered my ankle three years ago,’ you know?”

Jenny nods in thought, automatically pulling Yaz closer and to her relief, Yaz does not stiffen up or try to pull away.

“I think it’s the same a bit with Noelle too. Tricky to get the timing right.”

“Yeah,” Yaz agrees, seeming to already shrink back into her state of silence before the admission that had burst out of her.

“Okay, how about I get that hand sorted out for you and then I’ll take you home?”

Yaz nods gratefully and even offers Jenny a small smile, and god, Jenny had not realised how much she had missed that smile. She reflects it before setting to work.

* * *

Ryan’s expression when Jenny leads Yaz through the front door is a mixture of so many emotions, Jenny is not even sure how to start deciphering it. First, he looks shocked that Jenny and Yaz have appeared together, Jenny’s arm wrapped around Yaz, especially that she was not even supposed to be picking Noelle up for another two hours. But then he clocks Yaz’s hand held against her body with the sling that Jenny had made her wear, her pale, tear-stained face and the shakes that wrack her whole body.

“Oh my god, what happened?” He gasps, immediately stepping forward to relieve Jenny of the two rucksacks precariously balanced on her back.

Jenny elects not to answer just yet, steering Yaz into the living room and sitting down with her on the sofa, still holding her close. She has already decided that she is not letting Yaz go unless she has to; the other woman has been through a lot today, in the last week, they both have. In reality, they need the comfort just as much as each other.

“There was an accident on the slopes,” Jenny explains, rubbing Yaz’s back when she tenses up. “Someone else was hurt and Yaz was the closest and she sorted out the whole thing. But we think she fractured her finger in the process, hence the sling.”

Ryan stares at then for a moment, dumbfounded, before he seems to shake himself out of it. “God, Yaz. Are you okay? Wait, no — that’s a stupid question, of course you’re not.”

Despite herself, Yaz lets out a breath of laughter through her nose. She shakes her head before leaning further into Jenny, her body growing heavier. Jenny imagines that she must be both emotionally and physically exhausted; two panic attacks in one day is a lot for anyone to deal with, and then on top of that a broken finger and, if her past week has been anything like Jenny’s, a severe lack of sleep.

She is just about to suggest that Yaz goes to bed to try and get some sleep when there is a shuffling at the doorway and Jenny looks over to see Noelle standing there with Clara behind her, hands on her shoulders to stop her bolting into the room as she clocks the sight in front of them.

“Yaz?” She whispers, eyes wide.

“Hey, sweetheart,” Jenny says, reaching out her hand to beckon her closer, and Noelle moves tentatively, eyeing Yaz with suspicion.

“It’s okay,” Jenny ressures, but she is not too sure who she is reassuring.

“Is Yaz hurt?” she asks, standing just shy of her mother’s knees and sucking her thumb.

Jenny nods, drawing Noelle closer and wrapping her other arm around her middle. “She hurt her finger, it’s a bit like where my phone screen has a crack in it, remember?”

Noelle nods, following along but looking at Yaz with concern.

“So it’s like that, but it’s in the bone, the hard bit, of this bit of Yaz’s finger,” she explains, pointing to the right place on Noelle’s hand.

“Does it hurt?” She asks, looking at Yaz this time.

“Yeah, it does, but your mummy looked after me,” she replies honestly.

Noelle considers this for a moment before climbing up onto Yaz’s lap, taking care to avoid her hand but snuggling in close and hugging her tightly. Yaz gives an oof of surprise and stiffens for a second before melting into the comfort, resting her chin atop the little girl’s head and curling an arm around her securely.

They sit in the silence for a while, Yaz’s still slightly uneven breathing and the tick of the clock being the only sounds in the room. Jenny surmises that Ryan and Clara must have left at some point, she is not sure when, but she is grateful that they had given the trio the space to draw the comfort from each other that they all so desperately need.

“Mama, does this mean you and Yaz aren’t going to be cross with each other anymore?” 

Jenny’s heart skips in her chest as she turns to look at Yaz, giving her a small smile, hoping that she will get the message. Jenny wants to figure this out so badly, and she desperately hopes that Yaz is in agreement. Relief floods her body when Yaz reflects the smile, nudging her with her hip best she can.

* * *

Later that evening, the atmosphere is strange. Yaz had eventually admitted to needing a nap, but she had struggled to get to sleep, flashbacks plaguing her mind every time she closed her eyes and panic clawing at her chest. Jenny had agreed without hesitation to sit with her and help her sleep, and when she does finally drop off, Jenny nips home to pack a small overnight bag for her and Noelle. She is yet to ask Yaz if she wants them to stay, but she knows that the conversation they need to have will run well into the late evening, and she assumes that Yaz will not be up for coming to her apartment just yet. 

While she has the privacy of her own apartment, she makes a call to her parents and her brother. Originally, they had planned for Jenny and Noelle to head over this evening to the small apartment they are renting for the duration of their stay, but Jenny knows that they will not make it there tonight. She calls and explains the situation, and thankfully her family are understanding, understanding that she needs to look after Yaz and that has to be her priority.

When she gets back to the apartment, Yaz is already awake and sitting with Noelle on the sofa, the young girl curled happily into her side as they read a book together, and her heart melts a little at the sight. It is obvious that her daughter has missed Yaz just as much as she has, but it gives her a new level of confidence to resolve their disagreement, knowing that is the right thing.

When they are finished reading their story, Jenny asks Noelle to go and find Ryan so she can have a moment alone with Yaz. She waits until Noelle is out of earshot before she turns to Yaz.

“Are you feeling better now?”

“A bit, yeah,” Yaz says with a small smile, rubbing at her nose. “The extra sleep helped, I was really tired.”

“I’m glad,” Jenny nods, folding her hands over and over in her lap. She is not sure what to do with them.

“I have a proposal for you,” she states all of a sudden, looking at Yaz intently.

“Go for it,” Yaz replies, but her voice wavers slightly.

“We need to talk about what happened, and I would really like to make things up with you. But I think that might take a while, and Noelle needs to sleep.”

Yaz nods along, prompting Jenny to continue.

“I’m proposing that Noelle and I stay here tonight. We would all have to share a bed I think, but it would give us plenty of time to talk, and to be honest, I really missed not having you stay over at my apartment last week.”

Jenny stares at her for a long moment, and Yaz fiddles with her sling while she watches her expression change.

“I think that sounds like a good idea,” she agrees eventually, and Jenny cannot help the grin that spreads across her face.

“Do you want to tell the three foot bundle of chaos or should I?”

* * *

“I want to start off by saying I’m sorry,” Yaz starts, before Jenny can even get a word in edgeways. They are sitting in Yaz’s living room, Noelle tucked up in Yaz’s bed and Ryan and Clara in the kitchen to give them some privacy.

“I shouldn’t have shouted at you, that was so wrong of me on so many levels. I don’t have a lot of experience with relationships, I’ve had two in my entire life and the longest one lasted a whole two months. I’m absolutely not saying that excuses my behaviour, because it doesn’t, but I hope it explains it a little bit.”

Jenny nods along, her mind racing but allowing the space for Yaz to continue; she senses that the other woman has more to say.

“I have a temper too. I jump to conclusions and my temper flares before I even realise what’s happening. I don’t mean to, I’ve always been like this, and it’s something I need to work on.”

Jenny swallows when Yaz finishes, fingers fiddling with a loose thread in her jeans as she thinks.

“Thank you for your apology. I think I can understand why you reacted that way, a bit. My brother used to be kind of like that when we were younger. But what you said, how you said, it really really hurt me, Yaz. And I need you to understand that.”

Jenny watches with bated breath as Yaz looks at her for a long moment, eyes not settling on one part of Jenny’s face, flicking all over the place.

“I do understand that, and I’m so sorry I shouted at you, I can’t even imagine what kind of effect that had on you. What can I do to help fix that?”

Yaz’s tone of voice is so sincere, so completely sincere, and it pulls at Jenny’s heartstrings. She  _ knows _ that is sorry, she  _ knows _ that Yaz wants this to work. Jenny wants this to work too, and for her, that means facing up to something she is often too afraid to confront.

“I need to properly explain everything to do with Noelle’s dad, on my own terms, in order, and tell you everything. If you’re going to be a part of our life in that way you deserve to know that, but I also deserve to tell you on my own terms,” she says, firmly. She watches Yaz process the request, and Jenny breathes a sigh of relief when she nods. For Jenny, that shows that Yaz is willing to put the effort into this relationship, to take some of the baggage that has lain heavy over Jenny’s shoulders for three years, and to help her carry some of that weight.

“Thank you. I’d like to do that now, if that’s okay with you.”

“That’s okay with me. In your own time.”

“Okay. So you already know that I met him during university, he was studying law, and I was studying medicine. I was a love at first sight kind of thing, he proposed after two years and I said yes, but before we could really get to planning a wedding we found out I was pregnant with Noelle. We said we would save the wedding for when Noelle was a bit older, but after she was born he changed. He started working more, taking on more stuff and he wasn’t coping very well. He was never home, and then I found out he was getting involved with drugs. He started drinking too, and it became dangerous for Noelle and I to stay there so I gave him an ultimatum. I told him he either had to get help and sort himself out, or Noelle and I were leaving. He said that if I wasn’t willing to stick by him we had to go, but he would fight for custody over Noelle.”

She breaks off to allow herself a pause from reciting her story, her chest heaving, and she is grateful when Yaz reaches out with her good hand and clasps Jenny’s in hers, squeezing tightly. But, she does not tell Jenny to stop, she recognises that Jenny needs to tell all of this in one go, or she may never get it out into the open.

“After we left, he fought for custody, and of course, he had lawyer friends who helped him. It went on for months, but eventually I was granted custody because of his ongoing problems with drugs and alcohol. The judge said that if he wanted to see Noelle, the visits had to be supervised, he had to go to programmes and I had the right at any point to stop that. I said that he messes up once, and he never sees her again. He’s been fine so far, so that’s why she still sees him.”

Jenny takes a deep breath when she finishes and sags against the sofa, still holding onto Yaz’s hand tightly. She can feel that it is sticky with sweat, but Yaz does not seem to mind because she squeezes her hand tighter while running her thumb over the back of it, her thumb rough over Jenny’s smooth skin.

“Can I ask, how often does she see him?”

Jenny nods, because Yaz’s question is perfectly reasonable.

“Every other Saturday, and one Wednesday evening a month. The visits are supervised by Noelle’s grandparents on that side. I only see him when I drop her off or pick her up.”

Yaz squeezes Jenny’s hand again before shuffling closer on the sofa, and Jenny finds herself automatically leaning into her a bit.

“Thank you for listening to me,” she whispers, resting her head against Yaz’s shoulder. “I needed to say all that again on my own terms, it’s a huge thing for me and I prefer to prepare myself before I tell someone all of that.”

“I get that,” Yaz replies, resting her own head on top of Jenny’s, making them fit together like puzzle pieces.

“Wait,” she says, sitting up suddenly. “You said — when you started explaining before — you said that if I’m going to be part of your life I have to know this stuff. What did you mean?”

Jenny grins widely, because she has had this question in her mind for a while now, given that she and Yaz could work things out, and now she gets to ask it.

“When we argued, you said that you were going to ask me to make things official. I thought a lot about that and I decided that I would have said yes, if you had asked. But now I’m asking. So, Yasmin Khan — wait, do you have a middle name?”

“No middle name,” Yaz giggles, squeezing Jenny’s hand.

“Okay then. Yasmin Khan, will you be my girlfriend?”

“I would love to be your girlfriend, Doctor Genevieve.”

_ “Doctor?”  _ she laughs, wrapping an arm around Yaz’s waist.

“You have been a pretty good doctor today.” Yaz glaces down at her hand and then raises her eyebrows at Jenny.

“Aha, yes. How is your hand, by the way? Hurting anymore?”

Yaz laughs fondly as her  _ girlfriend _ switches back into Doctor mode; it is endearing that she cares so much, and Yaz feels herself flush under Jenny’s scrutinising gaze.

“The painkillers are wearing off a bit, but I think I really just need a good night’s sleep.”

“We’ll get you some more then. But I hate to tell you it may not be the world’s best rest if you’re sharing with me  _ and _ Noelle.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooooo, they finally made up! Hope you enjoyed this emotional rollercoaster of a chapter, see you on Tuesday for the next one!


	9. Truth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yaz meets the chaos that is Jenny's family, and Jenny finally faces her ex-fiancé again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, another long chapter! This one is pretty fluffy, so I hope you all enjoy.
> 
> Mentions of drug/alcohol abuse towards the end.

“Yaz, let _me_ do it,” Noelle insists, taking the bag of flour out of Yaz’s grip. She is struggling to open it with one hand out of action, but she also does not think that letting an almost four-year-old open it instead will end particularly well.

“It’s okay sweetheart, I can do it,” she reassures, but Noelle shakes her head firmly.

“No! You have a poorly hand and mama would tell you off for trying to open things with a poorly hand.”

Yaz sighs, because Noelle is right. Not only would she hurt herself, she also knows that she would get a hell of a telling off from Jenny, and that is not something she fancies experiencing.

“Okay, fine. But be careful,” she warns, handing over the paper bag with a look of fear on her face.

She checks to make sure Noelle has a good grip on the bag before she moves over to the fridge to get the milk and eggs. She is just lifting the carton of milk to set down on the counter when there is a _whump_ from behind her and a squeak of surprise. Yaz does not have to turn around to know exactly what has happened.

Still, she turns around slowly to assess the damage, and she cannot help but giggle when she takes in the sight of Noelle covered head to toe in a light dusting of flour, an unimpressed scowl on her face and a small pile of the white substance around the bag at her feet. 

“Yaz it’s not funny!” She whines, bottom lip jutting out as she crosses her arms.

“Sorry, sorry,” Yaz giggles, bending down to move the bag of flour away. Just at that moment, Ryan comes into the kitchen and joins Yaz in laughing at the situation at hand.

“What happened here, kiddo?” He asks, picking her up and lifting her clear of the mess, much to Yaz’s relief. She is very quickly that realising that the combination of her dominant hand out of action, homemade crepes and a toddler may not have been her best idea ever. But, she had wanted to surprise Jenny with a homemade breakfast, especially after the revelations of last night and feels a little as though she has to prove to both Jenny and herself that she is capable of handling all the aspects of this relationship.

“The flour attacked me,” she says, pushing hair and flour out of her face, sending a cascade of white dust to the floor.

“Well, that was very mean of the flour, wasn’t it?” Ryan jokes, dusting the substance from her face. “What are you two trying to make?”

“Crepes,” Yaz answers, picking the bag up and setting it down on the counter. “We’re trying to surprise your mum, aren’t we?”

Noelle nods enthusiastically, wriggling to be put back on the floor until Ryan does so.

“Noelle, I hate to tell you, but Yaz is a terrible cook. _Especially_ when she can only use one hand,” Ryan grins, and Noelle looks at Yaz in a puzzled manner.

“Ryan, I tried to make those muffins on my own for the first time when I was eleven and I broke my wrist, I really don’t think that’s a fair assessment.”

“You broke your wrist?” Noelle asks, looking up at Yaz with concern.

“Oh, it was a long time ago! It’s all better now, it just makes a funny noise sometimes,” she laughs, flexing her left wrist until it makes a clicking sound and Noelle giggles.

“See! All fine.”

Satisfied that Yaz is not in any immediate danger, Noelle turns back to Ryan.

“Uncle Ryan, can you help us? Because I don’t think Yaz knows what she is doing.”

Yaz gasps in mock offence, her mouth hanging open and eyebrows raising as she steps away from Noelle.

“Excuse me! I definitely know what I’m doing!” She protests, and the young girl dissolves into giggles.

“No, you definitely do not,” Ryan reiterates, and Yaz scowls playfully at him as he moves over to start helping.

Twenty minutes later, there is a plate with a large stack of pancakes, various toppings laid out across the table and one very bouncy toddler. 

“Why isn’t mama awake yet, I want to _eat,”_ she whines, pouting. However that pout quickly morphs into a smile when a voice comes from the doorway.

“I’m awake now!”

“Mama!” Noelle squeals, running over to her mother full pelt and flinging herself at her. Luckily she is prepared, catching her and swinging her up to rest on her hip without losing her balance at all. Before Yaz really has time to consider just how attractive that display of strength was, Jenny is making her way over to the table with Noelle, eyes widening in surprise at the breakfast laid out before her.

“Did you make all this for us?” She asks her daughter, and an easy grin on her face.

“Me and Uncle Ryan and a little bit of Yaz. But Uncle Ryan said that Yaz is a rubbish cook and he wouldn’t let her help.”

Jenny laughs loudly and turns around to face her girlfriend and best friend, face creased into amusement.

“Do Yaz’s cooking skills have anything to do with the fact that my offspring appears to be a little bit covered in flour? At least, I hope it’s flour.”

“Maybe a bit. In my defence, I did try and open it myself but then _someone_ insisted on doing it because they said that I had a poorly hand and that you would tell me off for trying to open things with a poorly hand.”

“She’s right, I would do that,” Jenny smiles, putting Noelle down onto a chair and settling down next to her. Yaz smiles for a moment, watching before she turns around and fills a glass of water.

“Domestic Yasmin Khan, I never thought I’d see the day,” Ryan says from beside her, and Yaz jumps before scowling at him.

“Oh please shut up,” she fires back, but she can’t help the subtle smile that creeps onto her features at the sight of mother and daughter giggling at the table.

“Just sayin’, you look happy.”

* * *

After breakfast, Yaz has some time to herself while Jenny gets Noelle dressed and drops her off at her dad’s house for the day. It is a little awkward, having this sore spot in their relationship rear its head so soon after they had made up from their argument, but they had already had a conversation about it. Noelle is going to be at her dad’s until around five in the evening, when both Jenny and Yaz will go and pick her up; partially so Yaz can see where Noelle is and put her mind at ease, but also so that Jenny can finally face her fear of having her ex fiancé know other significant people in her life. 

Now, Yaz is trying to get dressed for her day with Jenny, which, slightly terrifyingly, is going to consist mostly of meeting Jenny’s parents and her brother and she wants to make an effort. She has picked out her outfit: a navy blue button up shirt and black skinny jeans. But, what she had not considered until now was trying to get this outfit on with only one hand in use is a lot harder and a lot more painful than she anticipated.

She manages to pull on socks and her skinny jeans with nothing short of a lot of effort, but she gets stuck with the zipper and her belt while her bra and buttons on her shirt prove downright impossible. She’s just about to work herself into a panic about what exactly else she has to wear, when there is a knock at her bedroom door and she jumps.

“Yaz? Are you decent?” Jenny’s voice floats through the wood and Yaz breathes a sigh of relief.

“Hang on, one second!” She calls back, grabbing the throw from the bottom of her bed and wrapping it around her exposed top half before allowing Jenny to enter.

“Please don’t tell me you’re planning on meeting my parents like that,” Jenny laughs, pointing to the throw wrapped around Yaz’s body.

“Hah, no. Turns out it’s really hard to dress yourself with only one hand.”

“Ahh, right yes. You want some help with it?” She asks, and Yaz flushes deeply. It is probably a bit early in their relationship for Jenny to see her half naked, maybe, she is not sure. But still, it is not like she really has many other options.

“Erm, please. I couldn’t get the zipper and the button on my jeans, and then my bra and the buttons on my shirt were impossible,” she explains, pointing to the items of clothing on her bed.

“Oh right, okay. We’ll do your bra first and then tackle the shirt and the jeans?” Jenny asks, and Yaz nods. Jenny turns her back so Yaz can drop the throw and shrug her bra on before Jenny turns back around and fastens the clasp for her.

Yaz instinctively tries to cover herself as much as possible when she turns back around, suddenly embarrassed to have so much skin on show in front of Jenny; she is used to having essentially every inch covered with her winter clothes, and now to be so exposed is unnerving at the least, mildly terrifying at the most.

“Hey, you okay?” Jenny asks as she picks up Yaz’s shirt and sees the way her girlfriend’s arms are wrapped around herself.

“Not used to being so exposed in front of you,” she mumbles, fiddling with the hem of her jeans as she speaks, not quite looking Jenny in the eyes.

“But we shared a bed last night,” Jenny states in confusion, her face scrunching up in the same way that Noelle’s did this morning.

“I know, but Noelle was in between us, and we were both fully clothed,” she points out, squirming under Jenny’s intense gaze. Thankfully, the other woman seems to notice and softens her expression, catching Yaz’s wrists and gently prying them away from her middle.

“Yaz, I know it’s probably weird to have so much skin on show, and I would feel exactly the same in your position. But I’m your girlfriend now, and I care about you a lot, but what that doesn’t include is how you look. We can work towards being more comfortable around each other, but now probably isn’t the time,” she says quietly, lifting Yaz’s hand and pressing a soft kiss to her wrist. Yaz feels herself melt a little bit at the tenderness of the action.

They stare at each other a moment longer, completely entranced by the other woman’s eyes, until Jenny clears her throat and moves to help Yaz into the rest of her clothes, the atmosphere still awkward as she fumbles with the buttons and the zipper, her cheeks flushing a deep crimson as she works.

When she is finally done, she straightens up with an awkward cough and adjusts the hem of her jumper as she looks as Yaz properly again.

“Do you want me to do anything with your hair?” She asks, gesturing to where it falls in loose waves over Yaz’s shoulders, reaching halfway down her back.

“Nah, it’s fine. I have it up basically all the time anyway for work, nice to leave it loose for a change,” she decides, running her fingers through it as she looks at Jenny.

“I like it down. You look really pretty. Well — not that you don’t look really pretty anyway, but it’s a different kind of pretty,” she rambles.

“Jen?”

“Yeah?”

“Just help me with my boots, will you?”

“Right, yes. Boots, laces, all that stuff.”

Yaz giggles as she watches Jenny flap around to find her boots and then shove them on her feet, tying the laces efficiently. Yaz is confused for a moment, wondering how the other woman finds it so easy to tie laces back to front, but then remembers that she must have to tie Noelle’s all the time.

“Oh, I got a text from work earlier,” Yaz says as she carefully winds her scarf around her neck.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. They’re wishing me well and they’ve signed me off for two weeks minimum, then they’ll do an assessment to see if I’m fit to come back or not,” she explains, looking longingly at her right hand glove and deciding that she would be better off leaving her arm in the sling and keeping it warm under her coat.

“Assessment?” Jenny asks, and Yaz cringes.

“Yeah. Making sure my hand has healed properly, and making sure I’m not going to freak out in another emergency situation,” she explains, staring down at her toes while Jenny helps her with the start of the zipper on her coat.

“That makes sense. I’m sure you’ll be fine,” Jenny reassures, pulling her red beanie down on her head.

“Yeah. I was actually thinking of getting in touch with my mum’s friend. She’s a psychiatrist and she might do video appointments with me. Trying to deal with what happened and all that.”

“I think that’s a great idea, Yaz. And I’ll be there to support you when you need it,” Jenny reassures, her face softening again as she looks at Yaz.

“Thank you, that means a lot.”

Jenny smiles at her again, and Yaz cannot help herself when she leans up and plants a fleeting kiss to the corner of Jenny’s lips, lingering for a second before pulling away.

“Come on then, let’s go and meet your family!” She grins, grabbing her keys and stepping out of the door.

“Yaz, that wasn’t fair,” Jenny pouts, following Yaz and watching as she locks the door behind her.

“Ahh, you’ll just have to get me back for it later,” she winks cheekily, capturing Jenny’s hand and squeezing as they start making their way down the stairs of her building.

* * *

“Jenny!”

The second the door to the small apartment swings open, Jenny is enveloped in a hug by an older woman, who she assumes must be her mother. Yaz giggles as she watches Jenny’s hands flap at her side, arms pinned to her body by her mother’s embrace.

_“Mum, let her breathe!”_

Yaz’s smile grows wider as two taller figures appear behind Jenny’s mother, one greying and with some impressive looking eyebrows, the other with floppy brown hair and wearing a bow tie, of all things. Eventually, Jenny is freed and she automatically steps forward to shake, presumably, her dad’s hand before she is pulled into an affection headlock by her brother. He ruffles her hair so it ends up sticking out in every direction, the neat blonde bob no longer neat as she squirms in his hold.

 _“Ahh, if it isn’t my elusive little sister,”_ he says as he lets Jenny go, the blonde pulling an unimpressed face as she tries to smooth her hair down.

 _“Little? Thomas, you’re only thirteen minutes older than me! Plus, you’re the one who’s always off travelling around the world!”_ She protests, moving back to stand next to Yaz and take her hand, squeezing gently.

“Wait, you’re twins?” She asks, looking between the two of them.

“Yeah...did I not tell you?”

Yaz shakes her head, bumping shoulders with Jenny. “No, you just said you had a brother.”

“Ahh,” she grins guiltily at Yaz, and Yaz finds that she definitely does not mind Jenny’s slip up if she gets a look like that.

 _“Anyway!”_ Jenny exclaims, bouncing on the balls of her feet when she switches to French. Yaz is finding it a little hard to keep up with the speed of the conversation and the rate at which they are changing languages. She is sure that it is her dad who hardly speaks any English, and she is a little nervous to ‘pass the test’, so to speak, if she cannot have a proper conversation with him.

 _“Fam, this is my girlfriend, Yaz. Yaz, this is my mum, Sarah-Jane, my dad, Charles and my really annoying brother, Thomas,”_ Jenny introduces, and Yaz gives a warm smile, dropping Jenny’s hand momentarily to step forward and shake the one that Charles offers.

As soon as she lets go of his hand, she is pulled into a crushing hug by Sarah-Jane and she lets out a squeak of surprise and then desperately tries not to shout as pressure is put on the hand held to her chest under her coat.

“Mum, her hand!” Jenny scolds, and Sarah-Jane immediately releases her from the hug.

“Oh my god, I’m so sorry! Jenny did tell us, I just completely forgot,” she exclaims, letting her daughter pull Yaz back towards her. 

“You okay?” Jenny murmurs, just loud enough for Yaz to hear.

“I’m good,” she reassures, giving Jenny a small smile to prove her point until her intense stare relents.

 _“Okay, can we go inside now instead of standing around here chatting? It’s bloody freezing!”_ Thomas complains, already stepping back into the apartment.

 _“That’s because you’ve been living in Morocco and you two have been in Marseille for however long, you’re not used to this level of cold!”_ Jenny fires back as she and Yaz step inside and take their heavy boots and jackets off. When Yaz fumbles with her laces a little, Jenny helps without being asked and her heart swells a little further. There really is no end to the ways the other woman will make Yaz fall further for her.

They follow the others through into a modest, open-plan kitchen and living room and sit down on one of the cream-coloured sofas in the corner. It is obvious that this is not a place to be lived in, necessarily, but a place to be rented for a short amount of time. Yaz finds herself questioning how on Earth they have managed to rent such a nice place at the peak of high season, but she supposes that if they visit Jenny and Noelle every year, they probably book far in advance.

“Cup of tea, Yaz?” Sarah-Jane asks, and Yaz nods with a smile.

“That would be lovely, thank you. Just a splash of milk.”

As she answers Sarah-Jane, she feels Jenny fussing around next to her, and looks down to see her adjusting the sling keeping her hand up, and she smiles.

“I’m fine, promise,” she says, without Jenny even asking if she is.

“I know, just want to make sure this is sitting right,” she mutters, brow creasing in concentration as she leans back to assess her work.

“Genevieve, stop going all Doctor on the poor girl, will you?” Sarah-Jane scolds as she hands over Yaz’s tea and Jenny’s coffee before sitting down on the sofa opposite them.

Jenny blushes heavily as she sips from her mug and Yaz smirks as she watches the other woman’s embarrassment, crimson seeping into her cheeks as she hides her face behind a curtain of blonde hair. It is probably good that Yaz’s only good hand is occupied holding her cup of tea, because if she could use her other hand, she would not hesitate to reach out and tuck some of the strands behind her ear.

 _“Yaz, how did you hurt your hand, if you don’t mind us asking? Jenny called us in a bit of a flap and said she wanted to stay with you so we wouldn’t be seeing her until today,”_ Sarah-Jane asks, and Yaz swallows nervously, the hot tea scalding her throat slightly.

 _“Errr … there was an accident, yesterday on the piste. I was the person the nearest but I stopped quite fast on my snowboard, and I lost my balance. I stopped my fall with my hands, I think that is when it happened,”_ she explains in her halting and clumsy French, grateful when Jenny moves her hand to the small of her back in a subtle gesture of support.

 _“Yaz was great though, and we got the person down off the mountain before I figured out what was wrong with her,”_ Jenny explains, and Yaz is grateful that she is not going into a whole explanation of everything that happened. She is not sure that would be the best first impression to leave her girlfriend’s family with. She looks at Jenny for a moment, offering her a grateful smile for her jumping in.

 _“Ooh, someone is in love,”_ Thomas teases, and Yaz feels Jenny freeze beside her. If she had been paying attention to herself more, she would notice that she had also frozen with her drink halfway to her mouth. It is certainly far too early in their relationship to be admitting anything like that, even if Yaz already has a strong urge to say so.

 _“Thomas Lefevre, keep talking and I’ll knee you right where it hurts,”_ Jenny threatens, and Yaz splutters into her tea. 

_“Anyway, why don’t you tell us how Noelle is,”_ her dad interrupts, and both women breathe a sigh of relief.

 _“She’s doing so well. She loves preschool, she never stops talking. She’s currently obsessed with colouring books. Oh, and ever since she found out Yaz is good at hairstyles, she hasn’t stopped asking for them,”_ Jenny grins, pushing half a chocolate biscuit into her mouth. It earns a raised eyebrow from her mother, and Jenny looks at her lap sheepishly much in the way that Noelle did this morning when she had tried to put one too many strawberries in her mouth.

Thankfully, the rest of the morning goes well and Yaz leaves hand in hand with Jenny, the feeling of having created a second home here in this tiny corner of the French Alps already working its way into her heart.

* * *

As they step through Jenny’s front door, after taking a detour via Yaz’s apartment for her to pull together an overnight bag and gather her gifts for Jenny and Noelle, they both drop their bags to the floor with a relieved sigh.

“Well, I think that went quite well,” Jenny says brightly, unwinding her scarf as she kicks her boots off.

“Well? Jenny, I’m pretty sure your dad doesn’t like me, at all, and I could barely keep up with the conversation!” Yaz protests, fumbling with her laces until she gives up on untying them properly and just kicks her boots off half-undone.

“Nah, that’s just my dad. He looks grumpy all the time but he’s actually a softie. Think of him like a yappy chihuahua, all bark and no bite,” she grins, and Yaz cannot help but laugh out loud despite her grumpiness.

“Please don’t tell me you just compared your dad to a _chihuahua,”_ she giggles, hanging her coat up. “That man is the least chihuahua-like man I’ve ever met.”

“Hmm, maybe you’re right. Those eyebrows are definitely too angry for a chihuahua. Point is, he likes you, I could tell,” she reassures, making her way through to the kitchen. She flicks the kettle on and takes two mugs down from the cupboard, pointing at the two jars on the bench with raised eyebrows; one filled with tea bags, one filled with coffee grounds.

“Coffee, please,” she asks, sighing as Jenny starts to make the drinks.

“Are you sure? I could barely hold a conversation with him, my French is awful.”

“Yaz, I’m sure. One million and thirteen per cent.”

“Is that thirteen percent important?”

“Yes, just go with it. He likes you though, and please don’t worry about your French. You’ve already improved a lot since you got here, but he has a really thick Southern accent, I even struggle to understand what he’s saying sometimes and I lived with him for eighteen years!” Jenny says, and Yaz feels herself relax a little. She has only met them once after all, hopefully she will have plenty more opportunities to have a proper conversation with the man.

“Right. Sorry, just never really done the whole ‘meet the family’ thing before,” she says, fiddling with her sling again.

“For the record, I think you did really well,” Jenny reassures, lifting the kettle from its stand as it finishes boiling and pouring water into both mugs. She sets the kettle down again, giving each mug a quick stir with a teaspoon before turning to Yaz.

“Now, c’mere,” she commands gently, placing a hand on Yaz’s hip and gently pulling her towards her.

“Hmm?”

“I’d quite like to kiss you, if that’s okay with you. Turn that frown upside down,” she murmurs, eyes very pointedly flicking down to Yaz’s lips and back up to her eyes again. Her hand comes up to cup Yaz’s cheek, and Yaz mirrors the action, really wishing she had her other hand free to wind around the back of Jenny’s neck, but that thought really just evaporates from her mind when her lips meet Jenny’s. They are slightly chapped, which is expected in this cold weather no matter how much chapstick either of them use, but she tastes like the remnants of the coffee and chocolate biscuits she had had at the apartment where her family are staying.

Yaz melts into the embrace, curving her body towards Jenny’s as the kiss deepens and intensifies, both of them glad that they have the apartment to themselves and all the time in the world.

Well, all the time in the world until they are both desperate for air and they break apart, chests heaving and grinning like idiots.

“You, Yasmin Khan, are an incredible kisser,” Jenny murmurs, tracing the curve of Yaz’s jaw with her thumb. Yaz leans into the touch, her forehead knocking against Jenny’s gently as they gravitate towards each other.

“S’it weird that I just want to be next to you?” Yaz utters, her voice barely above a whisper.

“No, I feel the same. Do you want to cuddle up on the sofa and watch a movie?” Jenny suggests, and Yaz grins widely at the suggestion. It sounds perfect.

* * *

They end up spending most of the afternoon buried in a mound of blankets on the sofa, Yaz’s head on Jenny’s shoulder and Jenny’s legs slung over Yaz’s anchoring her in place. They’re a tangle of limbs and blankets and warmth and comfort. 

The clock on the wall ticks slowly, and Yaz glances at it with a sigh.

“One more cuppa before we have to go and get Noelle?” She murmurs, stray strands of Jenny’s hair soft against her cheek.

“Sounds good,” she replies, stretching with a yawn and making to get up.

“I’ll go,” Yaz reassures, and Jenny smiles and kisses her cheek before she swings her legs away so Yaz can get up.

As Yaz stands in the kitchen, looking at Noelle’s drawings pinned to the refrigerator while she waits for the kettle to boil, she lets out a long sigh. The last week has been one of the hardest of her life, but now she is here with Jenny and it feels like she has come home. This small family feels like home to her, and somehow she finds herself thinking that she would not mind if they were to become her family too. The realisation hits her like a tonne of bricks and she snaps herself out of her thoughts, pouring water into the two mugs and letting herself be mesmerised by the whirlpool as she stirs them.

When she carries them back through to the living room though, she stops in her tracks when she sees Jenny on the phone, her whole posture rigid and her head in her free hand. She sets the mugs down on top of the mantlepiece and sits down next to her.

“Jenny, what’s wrong?” Yaz asks in alarm as the other woman drops her phone into her lap, her expression pale and eyes widened in shock.

“Genevieve?”

“I … erm … I have to go and get Noelle. That was the police, something has happened with her dad.”

Yaz’s heart drops to her stomach when Jenny utters the words. 

“Is she okay?” Is Yaz’s immediate question, her heart thumping wildly in terror for the safety of the little girl she has bonded with so quickly.

“They said she’s safe, she’s out of the house.”

“That’s good, Jenny. That’s good. We need to go and get her, come on.” Yaz stands up and grabs their shoes from beside the door, but Jenny just stares at the phone in her hands.

“We?” She whispers, looking up at Yaz.

“Yes, we. I’m coming with you, you’re in no fit state to go on your own, Jenny. I’m here for you, okay?”

Jenny nods slowly and copies Yaz as she ties her boots and then goes to the door to shrug her jacket on, allowing Jenny to help her with the zipper. They are just about to head out when Jenny stops and runs down the hall, darting into Noelle’s bedroom. Yaz is about to call for her when she reappears, running down the hallway clutching a small lilac blanket and a well-worn teddy bear.

“Her comfort things,” Jenny explains as she zips up her coat and grabs her car keys.

“Good idea.”

Yaz practically runs down the stairs of her building after Jenny, grateful that the paving of the small car park behind her building has been salted and that there is no ice. However the same cannot be said once they get on the roads out of town; it is pitch black, icy in parts and if she is going to be honest with herself, Jenny’s driving is making her nervous. She understands that she is on edge and stressed, scared for her daughter’s safety and well-being, but she is terrified all the same, especially the couple of times the car skids and Jenny swears under her breath.

Eventually they start to see lights ahead of them, and the road becomes a bit brighter, a bit less treacherous. Of course they will have to make the same journey back, but there will be less urgency.

“How much further?” Yaz asks, in an effort to break Jenny out of the trance she has worked herself into.

“About five minutes,” she mutters, jaw set into a hard line as she stares straight ahead, her knuckles turning white with how hard she is gripping the wheel.

Yaz nods and goes back to thumbing the blanket and the teddy bear gripped in her hands as they weave their way through winding streets.

When they get closer, Yaz is easily able to tell which house they are looking for thanks to the two police cars parked outside and the commotion going on in the front garden.

Jenny has barely switched off the ignition when she jumps out the car, Yaz following suit and both of them jogging over to the nearest police officer. This is when the conversation switches to French and Yaz has to try really hard to keep up. There are so many voices and conversations going on that it is hard to decipher who is saying what, but she just about manages.

 _“Where’s my daughter?”_ Jenny demands, her face set in a hard line.

_“Are you her mother?”_

_“Yes, I’m Noelle’s mum.”_

_“Who is this?”_ The police officer asks, eyeing Yaz suspiciously.

_“My partner, Yasmin.”_

The police officer eyes her critically for a few more seconds, before Jenny interrupts him.

_“That doesn’t matter right now, where’s my daughter?”_

The police officer sighs dramatically, as though they are being a huge inconvenience, and it makes Yaz’s blood boil. If Noelle was not their main priority and this man was not a police officer, Yaz would put him in his place.

 _“She’s in the back of that vehicle,”_ he eventually points, and Jenny and Yaz waste no time in jogging over. But Yaz hangs back when Jenny rips open the door, bending down to scoop a sobbing Noelle up into her arms and cradle her close.

“You’re okay, mama’s here,” she soothes and rubs her back while Noelle clings to her like a koala and sobs into the crook of her neck. Yaz watches on a little awkwardly, she is not sure exactly what to do in this situation but she catches Jenny’s eye. The other woman nods her head subtly, beckoning her closer and Yaz steps over to wrap her good arm around the little girl’s body, leaving a fleeting kiss in her hairline.

They stand like that until there is an awkward cough from behind them and Yaz turns to see a police officer, thankfully a different one to before, hovering just behind them. She nudges Jenny in the side to get her attention and the other woman turns to face the police officer.

 _“Hi, do you need to talk to me?”_ She asks, running her fingers through Noelle’s hair.

_“Ideally, yes. But it shouldn’t take too long.”_

Jenny nods slowly, kissing Noelle’s head and then slowly pushing it up so she can see her face and talk to her.

“Noelle, I need to talk to this police officer, is it okay if you go and sit with Yaz in our car?” She asks, wiping her daughter’s cheeks for her. Noelle looks at her, then Yaz, and then back at her mother again several time while her lower lip trembles and moisture pools in the corners of her eyes until she gives the tiniest of nods and allows Jenny to set her down on the ground, where she immediately runs to Yaz and clutches her good hand tightly, pressing herself as close to her leg as she can.

“I’ll not be long honey,” Jenny reassures, bending down to give Noelle a kiss before straightening back up and letting out a nervous breath.

“You’ve got this, you’ll be fine,” Yaz says, giving Jenny what she hopes is an encouraging smile before slowly starting to lead Noelle towards the car.

Yaz gets in first, sitting down and then encouraging the young girl to clamber onto her lap. She pulls the door closed and then leans forward to grab Noelle’s teddy bear and her blanket from the front seat, handing them to the young girl who immediately tucks the blanket to her chest and buries her face in her teddy’s fur. With a sigh, she pulls Noelle in close, wrapping an arm around her small figure.

“Look, mummy’s just over there,” she reassures, pointing out the window to where Jenny is talking to two police officers. But, she is not sure that that is much of a comfort, because Jenny looks absolutely livid; even from over here, Yaz can see the way her body is shaking with rage as she speaks. Her hands are flying around in the air as she gesticulates wildly, becoming more and more agitated. Suddenly Jenny’s gaze tears away from the police officer to the house and Yaz follows it. Being led out of the front door with two police officers holding an arm each is a man, arms cuffed behind his back, and Yaz can see from here just how manic his expression is. It makes dread curl uncomfortably up from her stomach and into her throat and she instinctively holds Noelle just a little bit tighter, because that must be her dad.

They both watch as Jenny strides over, her whole body radiating anger. 

“Yaz, I’m scared,” Noelle whimpers, turning her head away and pressing her face against Yaz’s shoulder instead.

“I know, honey. It’s okay to be scared, but mama will be back soon and then we can take you home, okay?” She explains, resting her chin on top of Noelle’s head to try and soothe her further, frustrated with herself that she cannot use her other hand to play with Noelle’s hair, a technique she knows would soothe the young girl.

“Are you sleeping at our house tonight?” She asks, tiny fingers playing with the cuff of Yaz’s sleeve.

“I am. I want to be there for your birthday _and_ for Christmas.”

Noelle seems happy at that, and settles back into Yaz’s hold comfortably, the two of them slotting together like puzzle pieces. 

Soon enough, Yaz spots Jenny striding towards the car, looking completely exhausted but with a hint of anger still simmering under the surface. But, at the sight of Yaz and Noelle sitting cuddled up in the car, her face softens noticeably and she opens the car door on their side, bending down to reach out and place her hand on Noelle’s knee.

“Do you want to go home now, _bébé?”_

Noelle nods, sitting up to look at her mother with a sniff.

“Come on then, I’ll take you around and put you in your car seat and then we can get going,” she explains, reaching out her arms to scoop Noelle up. Yaz follows them around the car and gets in at the front passenger door, waiting while Jenny straps her daughter into her car seat securely.

“You okay?” She mouths as Jenny gets into the driver’s side. The other woman does not give her a verbal or a definitive answer, just a sad smile. She is just about to turn the key in the ignition when Noelle pipes up from behind them.

“Mama?”

“Yes?”

“Do I have to see papa anymore?”

Yaz watches her girlfriend carefully as she lets out a sigh and slumps a little in her seat.

“I don’t think so _bébé,_ no.”

* * *

Back in the house, Yaz follows as Jenny carries Noelle through to the living room, sitting down on the sofa with her and cuddling her close. Yaz makes the decision to take a blanket from the back of the sofa and wrap it around them both tightly. Jenny smiles at her tiredly and rests her chin on top of Noelle’s head, rocking them both gently.

“Would you like something to drink, sweetheart?” Yaz asks gently, placing her hand on Noelle’s knee.

She shakes her head, bottom lip jutting out. “My tummy feels funny.”

“A drink would help your tummy settle, _bébé,”_ Jenny explains, looking down at her but Noelle seems unsure.

“You know what, how about I make you my mum’s super special poorly tummy drink?” Yaz suggests, and Noelle’s face lights up.

“Your mummy had a super special drink?”

“Yeah,” Yaz smiles gently, rubbing her leg. “How does that sound?”

Noelle looks at her for a long moment before she nods and leans back against Jenny’s chest with a dramatic sigh. Yaz and Jenny giggle mutually before Yaz heads to the kitchen to make all three of them drinks; warm fruit juice for Noelle and cups of tea with a lot of sugar for her and Jenny.

She has to carry the drinks back to the living space one by one, and she brings Noelle’s last. She makes sure to hold the cup for her when she takes a drink because she still appears shaky and tired. She knows that she needs to talk to Jenny about what actually happened in that house, but that can wait until Noelle is in bed and cannot hear them. She does not need to relive that just yet.

“Do you want to put the cookies and the carrots under the tree before you go to bed?” Jenny asks, and Noelle’s face lights up at the suggestion. Yaz, however, could not be more confused when Noelle jumps down from her mother’s lap and runs towards the door, gathering up hers, Jenny’s and Yaz’s boots and staggering back into the living room with them, dropping the whole pile on the floor by the Christmas tree with a loud clatter.

“Come on _bébé,_ let’s go get the mini cookies and the carrots to leave in our shoes so we get treats in the morning,” Jenny says, standing up to reach out her hand to Noelle and leading her through to the kitchen. She turns back and winks at Yaz, who is slowly catching up with the preceding of events and follows them.

Jenny lifts Noelle up to grab some carrots from the fridge, which she carries proudly through to the living room and drops to the floor next to the shoes. Jenny follows with a box of cookies and kneels down next to Noelle.

“You have to put three carrots in one of your shoes for the reindeer, and you put the cookies in your other shoe for Papa Noël,” the toddler explains, already shoving her carrots into place and then more carefully placing her cookies. Yaz and Jenny copy, and soon enough all three of them have their shoes ready and they slide them under the tree in a little row; Noelle’s in the middle and Yaz and Jenny’s to either side.

After they make sure everything is prepared for tomorrow, the pair put Noelle to bed. Of course she manages to wrangle an extra bedtime story out of them, but she deserves it after her day. When they are sure Noelle is settled, the couple retire to the living room.

As soon as they sit down, Yaz is alarmed but not particularly surprised when Jenny slumps completely, her head resting in her hands and her shoulders shaking lightly.

“Do you need a hug?” Yaz asks gently, shuffling beside her and wrapping her arms around her partner’s torso when Jenny gives a minute nod. She can feel how much she is trembling in her hold so she starts to rub her upper back the way she has seen her do with Noelle so many times, and it seems to work, because she leans into Yaz as she tries to compose herself.

“I’m an awful mother, Yaz. I let her be in a situation where she could get hurt, and she almost did.”

“Jenny…”

“No. I’m awful, why did I let her go there? I should have recognised that he was using again,” she sobs. Yaz sighs sadly, using her good hand to run her fingers through the hair at the base of Jenny’s neck, making sure to scratch lightly at her scalp.

“Jenny, you couldn’t have known. It’s not your fault, it’s his,” she reassures.

“The police said they think he’s been using again for a _month._ A month, Yaz! I let her be in that environment for a month!”

Yaz sighs sadly, resting her cheek against the top of Jenny’s head and pulling her closer. “Jen, she’s only been there four, five times? It wasn’t a solid month, and it’s not your job to recognise that he was doing that again. You barely see him; you drop her off and pick her up and that’s it.”

Her voice is more firm this time and she fears it may have been the wrong thing to say when Jenny stiffens in her hold, but then she sags completely into Yaz and gives a defeated sigh.

“It wasn’t my fault,” she whispers, rubbing her eyes.

“No, it wasn’t.”

“But I still have to sort out all the court stuff, get full custody, probably a restraining order — I — I don’t — I…”

“Hey, Jenny. Look at me, deep breathes,” Yaz encourages, holding Jenny’s hand and running her thumb over the back of it.

“You don’t have to do that right now, or tomorrow. All you have to focus on now is her birthday and Christmas.”

Jenny sighs for a long time, processing her thoughts. “Yeah, yeah you’re right.”

“Good. So how about we sort all this stuff out and then have an early night?” She suggests. Jenny nods and wipes her face one more time before pushing herself up from the sofa. 

“Thank you for being here for us, Yaz.”

Yaz smiles and stands up, standing close to Jenny and cupping her cheek.

They will be okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! And thank you for all the kudos and the lovely comments so far, they really make my day every time I get the email! 
> 
> One more question: the next chapter takes place on Christmas Day. Shall I post it on Christmas Day itself which would be Friday and matches my schedule, or should I put it up early on Christmas Eve (Thursday?)


	10. Celebrations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The madness of the combination of Noelle's fourth birthday and Christmas Day ensues!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Merry Christmas everyone! Popping this chapter up slightly earlier in the day for you all, enjoy!

_Jenny stands and watches, frozen to the spot and held back by invisible forces as Olivier saunters down their hallway and into Noelle’s bedroom like he owns the place._

_Jenny does not know why he is here, how he knows where they live. He should not have their address,_ **_should not_ ** _have their address. And yet, he is here._

_She watches in horror as he comes back out into the hallway with Noelle slung over his shoulder in a fireman’s carry, the little girl still sleeping peacefully and blissfully unaware of what is happening._

_Jenny tries to scream, to call out to her, make her wake up and realise what is happening, but when she tries no sound comes out of her mouth and she is screaming nothing._

_“You can’t stop me now,” Olivier sneers, hand on the front door. “You never should have taken her from me. I’ll make sure you never see her again,” he says before walking out the door and slamming it behind him._

_“No!” Jenny cries, her voice finally working now, when she needs it the least._

_“No, you can’t take her!”_

***

“Hey, Jenny. It’s okay, you’re alright,” Yaz soothes, watching her worriedly as she shoots up in bed, chest heaving and wrestling with the sheets to untangle them from her legs.

“Noelle, have to check Noelle,” she mutters, finally freeing herself from the grip of the sheets and moving as soon as her feet hit the floor. She partially senses that Yaz is following her when she moves across the hallway and inches her daughter’s bedroom door open, breathing a sigh of relief when she sees her still safely tucked up in her bed, nightlight casting a soft glow across the room.

“She’s okay, Jen. She’s still here, she’s okay,” Yaz reassures, opening her arms in invitation. Jenny gratefully leans into the embrace, letting Yaz wrap her strong arms around her and hold her close, rubbing firmly between her shoulder blades. Yaz must be able to feel the other woman’s racing heartbeat against her skin, and the sweat that coats it, but she does not complain, and allows Jenny the time to decompress from her nightmare in her arms.

Eventually, Jenny straightens up of her own accord and lets out a long sigh, pushing limp strands of blonde hair out of her face.

“C’mon, lets go and get you a glass of water,” Yaz murmurs gently, and Jenny nods gratefully. She is glad that this time around, she has someone here to look out for her, to take care of her, rather than having to deal with the fallout on her own.

She leans against the counter, running her fingers along the edge of it while Yaz fetches a glass and fills it to the brim. She takes it in shaking hands, sipping it slowly as Yaz watches her with a sympathetic look on her face. Thankfully though, it is not pitying, which Jenny is grateful for. She feels that, much like her, Yaz does not like to be pitied and so she is grateful that she has found someone who shares the same sentiments and understands somewhat how Jenny is feeling. Of course she does not understand the specifics, but she understands what it is like to be pitied.

When she finishes the glass of water, Yaz, strangely leads her toward the bathroom and sits her down on the closed toilet seat.

“What’re you doin’,” Jenny mumbles, rubbing her eyes.

“Washing your face, it’ll make you feel better. Is that okay?” She checks, reaching for the flannels hanging on the towel rail next to the sink. 

“Yeah,” Jenny replies with a tired smile. “The yellow one s’mine.”

Yaz runs the flannel under lukewarm water in the sink for a moment, making sure it is fully soaked before squeezing out the excess. She cups Jenny’s chin with the palm of her bad hand and uses the other to swipe, slow, deliberate movements of the soft cloth across the other woman’s skin, wiping away the tears and the sweat from her face.

Jenny leans into the touch and sighs, her eyelashes fluttering as she feels herself start to relax. The touch is not so light that it is ticklish and annoying, but not too firm to feel as though she is being pushed around. It is somewhere in the middle, firm enough to be comforting and calming as the repetitive motions lull her heart rate to slow down.

“Bed?”

Yaz’s voice cuts through Jenny’s sleepy thoughts, and she reluctantly opens her eyes and nods, not managing to stifle a yawn.

“Come on,” Yaz offers, holding out her hand for Jenny to take and lead her through to the bedroom.

“What time is it?” Jenny asks blearily, sliding under the sheets when Yaz holds them up for her.

“Erm, about half-past four,” she replies after glancing at her phone on the bedside table.

“Ugh,” Jenny groans, propping herself up on her elbows and letting her head fall back. “M’never going to get back to sleep now.”

“What time will Noelle usually be up?” Yaz asks, sliding in next to her and turning on her side so she can face her, a gentle smile on her face.

“If she’s good and waits for her clock to change, then half past six. If not, any time from about five, to be honest.”

Yaz groans theatrically at the news and rubs her face, and Jenny cannot help but giggle at her.

“Welcome to Christmas with a kid,” she jokes, lying herself down properly in the bed and rolling over until she faces Yaz too, searching the other woman’s eyes for any sort of doubt or judgement. Doubt or judgement of what, she is not sure, but she finds herself subconsciously making sure anyway.

“Yaz?”

“Yeah?”

“Do you think … do you think I could maybe have a hug?” Jenny asks tentatively, almost in the same manner that Noelle would ask for an extra treat or ten more minutes of television time before bed.

“Of course you can,” Yaz replies, shuffling closer and wrapping her arms around the other woman. Jenny tucks her head in the space underneath Yaz’s chin, cold nose pressing against the base of her neck as she breathes in her familiar, comforting scent. When Yaz starts to scratch her back lightly Jenny melts into it further, breathing out a sigh of relief at the closeness, the safety, the comfort she can draw from this moment. It is difficult for her to accept, this intimacy, but she knows that she has to put herself out there at some point or another. Yaz has been vulnerable in front of her, and so Jenny feels that she can trust her. She can trust Yaz with her own fears and insecurities, just as Yaz trusted Jenny with hers. They can work together to become stronger people.

* * *

Two hours later and Jenny has not managed any proper sleep, she simply could not get her brain to quieten down for long enough. But, it was not an entirely restless period; Yaz held her in her arms the whole time and rubbed her back, or ran her fingers through her hair, or simply let Jenny rest her head against her chest so she could feel the rise and fall of it as she breathed. Jenny dozed until she knew that it would soon be time for Hurricane Noelle to land, and for the celebrations to begin in earnest.

It is not long before she hears the chime of Noelle’s alarm clock, and an actual audible _squeal_ coming from her bedroom.

“Five, four, three, two, one... ” Jenny counts down under her breath as she hears the familiar, if slightly quicker than usual, movements.

“What?” Yaz mumbles, in a little bit more of a drowsy state than her partner and therefore not fully prepared for what is about to happen.

Jenny does not get a chance to answer before the bedroom door swings open and Noelle comes charging in, launching herself onto the bed and narrowly missing where Yaz’s broken finger is hidden under the duvet, still wrapped around Jenny.

“Mama!” She yells, bouncing up and down here she is perched on Jenny’s hip.

“Yes, Noelle?” Jenny answers with a grin, holding her daughter under her arms and maneuvering them so she is sitting up with the hyperactive young girl on her lap.

“It’s my birthday! And Christmas! It’s birthmas!” She yells, continuing to practically vibrate with excitement.

“Well I never would have guessed,” Yaz jokes, also pushing herself to sit up and lean against Jenny.

“Yes! I’m four now!”

Yaz looks at her, squinting in an exaggerated fashion. “Hmm, I’m not so sure about that. You still look like you’re three. What do you think, Jen?” 

“Oh yes, definitely only three,” Jenny concludes, playing along with the joke and grinning at Noelle playfully.

“No! I’m four!” The young girl insists, crossing her arms and attempting a scowl that is, unfortunately for her, completely unsuccessful thanks to the hair that is sticking up all over the place and her snowman pyjamas.

“Hmm, maybe you might be four,” Jenny teases, rubbing her chin in thought and looking up to the corner of the ceiling. “Actually, yes I think it might be four years ago,” she grins, and Noelle whoops triumphantly.

“Can we go and check under the tree now?” She asks, bouncing up and down on the bed again.

“I guess we can,” Jenny replies, lifting Noelle up and setting her down on the floor before she swings her legs out of bed, looking at Yaz to make sure she is following along with proceedings. She had explained to her last night how their day usually plays out, but she knows that it can be overwhelming and chaotic, especially later in the day when more people arrive, and so she wants to make sure that Yaz is keeping up. But Yaz just grins at her, also getting out of bed and tugging her slippers on to follow them out of the room.

“Mama has to go and check that Papa Noël has been,” Noelle explains, grabbing Yaz’s hand and standing next to her just outside Jenny’s bedroom door while her mother makes a show of tiptoeing down the hallway and peering around the French doors into the living room. She turns back to the pair waiting semi-patiently and gives a grin and a nod.

“Something tells me he’s been,” she beams, and Noelle squeals and lets go of Yaz’s hand, sprinting down the long hallway and skidding to a stop in the living room, almost falling over on the slippery wooden floor as her socks slide and Jenny catches her at the last minute.

“Yaz! Come on, we have to check our shoes!” She calls, and Yaz grins before hurrying down the hallway and sinking down on the floor next to where Noelle and Jenny are already waiting.

The three of them start rifling through their shoes, and no matter how strange the situation might seem to Yaz despite having helped Jenny set everything up last night, she exaggerates her reactions and watches with fondness as Noelle discovers each item. Small chocolates, candy canes, sweets, fun stationery and a few small toys are what she pulls out, and Yaz finds herself wondering just how excitable the young girl is going to be later in the day when the larger birthday and Christmas gifts are pulled out if she has gotten this excited over some fairly simple stocking fillers. Yaz has never celebrated Christmas in the traditional sense, coming from a Muslim family, but there had always been an exchange of small gifts and so to see Noelle’s reaction to everything takes her back to her childhood and the joy such a special day can bring to someone so young.

After Noelle has excitedly showed off every single one of her small gifts with boundless enthusiasm, her stomach gives an almighty rumble that sends her collapsing into Yaz with giggles.

“Would you like some breakfast, _bébé?”_ Jenny asks, already standing up.

“Yes please! But don’t let Yaz help, she is rubbish in the kitchen,” she quips with a mischievous grin.

“Noelle!”

* * *

After breakfast the small group are sitting on the sofa in the living room, all dressed in their Christmas best (Noelle’s hair styled by Jenny under the not particularly patient instruction of Yaz) waiting slightly anxiously for Jenny’s family to arrive. Jenny is of course excited to see her parents and her brother again, she always is, but she is also anxious for good reason. It is the first time that they will have seen Yaz interact with Noelle, and she is desperately hoping that there will be no clashes and that Yaz can prove herself worthy of being a significant person in Noelle’s life. Of course she has already proven that to Jenny, and proves it more with every minute that passes by, and really Jenny should not care what her parents think. But deep down she wants them to approve of Yaz and their familial relationship so badly because of what went so wrong with her ex-fiancé, to prove that, although she is capable of looking after Noelle on her own she is capable of making a good judgement in who else she brings into her life to share that burden.

Jenny jumps when the doorbell rings, wrenching her out of her thoughts. But Yaz places a calming hand on her knee before she gets up. Jenny smiles at the sight of Noelle perched on Yaz’s lap, swinging her legs and fingers playing with the cuff of Yaz’s jumper where her arms are wrapped loosely around Noelle’s middle. It calms her, to see them interacting so naturally, and so she strides over to the door and swings it open before the bell can go again.

 _“Mamie, papi!”_ Noelle squeals from behind her, jumping down from Yaz’s lap and sprinting over to be swung up into the air by Jenny’s father and spun around a couple of times in the communal hallway, all while laughing and giggling in excitement. Jenny sincerely hopes that none of her neighbours were wanting to sleep in this morning.

While Noelle is chattering away excitedly to her grandad, Jenny shows her brother and her mum in with a warm smile, Yaz getting up to join her and stand just behind her shoulder. There is another reason that Jenny is anxious to have her family here; they have only visited once before, just after they moved into the place and so they have never seen it ‘completed’, so to say, and as a consequence she is nervous to see what they think of her home.

After kissing her mum on the cheek and avoiding another hair ruffling from her brother, Jenny leads the group through to the living room where Noelle eventually detaches herself from her grandad and makes a beeline for her grandmother, who has just deposited the various gift bags she lugged in under the tree.

“Would anyone like a drink?” Yaz offers, still hovering awkwardly in the doorway. Jenny shoots her a warm smile; they are off to a good start.

After everyone places their various drink orders, Yaz disappears to the kitchen and Jenny follows her, both to allow Noelle time to reconnect with the family and burn off some of her excess energy and also to help Yaz with the drinks. She still has one hand out of action after all and the drink orders were complicated.

“Are you okay?” Yaz asks as she starts pulling mugs down from the cupboard, completely at home.

“Yeah, just a bit nervous,” Jenny admits, grabbing the kettle.

“How come?”

Jenny sighs, watching the water swirl as it fills the kettle while she orders her thoughts.

“Just a bit anxious. There’s gonna be a lot of people here today, my family have never seen this apartment all put together. And they’ve never seen you interact with Noelle before, which is a big thing for me,” she admits, turning around nervously to face Yaz.

“Jen, c’mere,” she asks gently, reaching out a hand for Jenny to take. She does, and allows Yaz to tug her forwards until they are standing right next to each other, so close that Jenny can see each individual long eyelash surrounding Yaz’s eyes. Not that she is looking. 

“It’s going to be fine, I promise you. I’m nervous to have your family see me with Noelle too, but in the end it’s your home and your decision to let me into your life. Plus, you spent forever yesterday trying to convince me that they like me.” 

Jenny relaxes at Yaz’s reassurances and steps closer to her, wanting that closeness and that contact with Yaz to ground her and remind her that she is not alone in this. She is not alone in this at all, not any more.

“They do like you, Yaz. They really did, trust me. Although they don’t like you _quite_ the same way as I do,” she smirks, stepping further into Yaz’s personal space and flirting her fingers lightly across the curve of her jaw.

“Oh yeah, and what way would that be,” Yaz murmurs, her gaze very pointedly flicking downwards.

Jenny answers not with words but with a gentle press of lips against her partner’s, something that starts off gentle and quickly intensifies into something much more when Yaz cups her face to draw her closer and press their bodies together.

In fact, both women are so entranced with each other that they do not hear the creaking of the kitchen door as it opens, and neither the dramatic sigh nor the footsteps that approach them.

“Forgot something?” Someone deadpans and both women jump so hard that their teeth and noses bash together and they yelp in shock. After checking Yaz isn’t properly hurt, she turns around to regard her brother with an unimpressed glare.

“Do you mind?”

“Just making sure you had the mistletoe, Christmas rule is to kiss under mistletoe after all, don’t want to invite any bad luck in the house,” he smirks, holding what Jenny presumes is mistletoe above them. When she looks up, her suspicions are confirmed.

“Where the hell did you get that from?” She asks, genuinely confused.

“Oh, I brought it with me. Just in case,” he shrugs, as though that was the completely obvious answer.

“Thomas, you’ve never wanted to kiss anyone in your life, who the hell were you bringing it for?” Jenny asks again, pushing her hair back from her face.

“You two, obviously,” he deadpans with a roll of the eyes, and Jenny groans theatrically.

“Oh my god you’re insufferable,” she mutters as she reaches up to pluck the sprig of leaves from her brother’s grasp.

“And you two are acting like children,” Yaz laughs, winding her arm back around Jenny’s waist and squeezing gently.

“Well, I actually came in here to tell you that your daughter might be about to explode if you don’t get back in there and let her open presents soon, but the mistletoe thing was just too good to pass up,” he shrugs nonchalantly. His look is forlorn at his lost source of teasing currently pinched between his sister’s finger and thumb.

“Ahh yes, good point. Help us finish the drinks then?”

Thomas sighs dramatically but helps anyway, and soon enough the five adult drinks and Noelle’s sparkly juice are made. Thomas leaves first to take two of the mugs through, but Jenny hangs back, fishing around in one of the drawers for something.

“What’re you doing?” Yaz murmurs, a frown line appearing on her forehead as she watches Jenny curiously.

“Aha!” She exclaims, plucking a roll of sticky tape from the drawer and using her teeth to rip off a piece. She can feel Yaz’s eyes and subtle grin on her as she moves across the room. She has to jump a little, but she manages to secure the plant above the kitchen door and she turns back to Yaz with a triumphant grin.

“I like the way you think, Doctor.”

* * *

“Mama! Can we open presents now?” Noelle squeals, bouncing up and down the second Jenny and Yaz enter the living room again.

“Hmm, I suppose so,” Jenny grins, handing her dad his mug of coffee and sitting down on the sofa, pulling Noelle into her lap.

“Do you want to do Christmas or birthday presents first, _bébé,”_ Jenny asks, and she laughs softly at the face of deep concentration she pulls while she mulls over her options.

“Christmas. Then we can all open things together,” she decides, and the room collectively coos at her selflessness.

The gifts are passed around the room until each person has a small section in front of them and they all start tearing into their gifts. Noelle had already sat herself down in between her mother and Yaz, and when Jenny spots Yaz Yaz struggling to open her gifts with one hand, she does not even have a chance to step in and help before Noelle is on it, ripping into the paper alongside Yaz with a gleeful smile.

Yaz had been apprehensive about her gifts for Jenny’s family; she does not know them particularly well after all, and so she was scared that she would get something inconsiderate or not at all representative of the person she was buying for. But, with Jenny's advice, she had purchased a selection box of fancy chocolates and a small houseplant for Sarah-Jane, a selection of three taster whiskies for Charles and a travel journal for Thomas.

Next, Noelle unwraps her gift from Yaz, and Jenny cannot wait to see her daughter’s reaction. She had helped Yaz to pick the gift out, and she really does think that Noelle will enjoy it. She watches with a grin as Noelle finally pulls the last of the paper off, her face lights up as she turns to look at Yaz.

“I love it! What is it?” She beams, and the room burst out laughing.

“What?”

Yaz shakes her head fondly, pulling the gift over so it is resting on both their laps.

“This, Noelle, is your very own hairstyle doll. I know how much you love it when I do fun things with your hair, so I wanted to get you something so that you can learn how to do it yourself!” She explains, pointing out the various pictures on the box.

“Thank you, Yaz!” The young girl grins, clambering into Yaz’s lap to hug her tightly.

“Would you like to play with it later?” Yaz asks, winding her hands around Noelle’s waist.

“Yes please, Yaz. You’re the best!”

“Looks like you’ve been replaced, Jen,” Sarah-Jane smirks, sipping her coffee as she watches the scene play out. Jenny considers that maybe she has, just a little bit. But she finds that she does not mind at all.

Jenny is the last person to open Yaz’s gifts, and she finds herself uncharacteristically nervous as all eyes in the room turn to her to watch as she unpicks the tissue paper on the small gift. She is confused when she sees a jewellery box, but flicks it open regardless and gasps when she sees the necklace inside it. It is delicate and silver, and the pendant is two crossed skis making an X shape. It is a subtle nod to her profession and how they met, but it is gorgeous and delicate all the same.

“Yaz, this is amazing … I love it, thank you so much!” She beams, leaning over the top of Noelle to give Yaz a brief kiss on the cheek. She only pulls away when the young girl protests loudly, and the rest of the room erupts into giggles.

Finally, it is Yaz’s turn to open her gifts from the various people around the room. Understandably, she only receives small gifts from Jenny’s family; they do not know her too well like she does not know them, but all the same the box of chocolates and the hand-knit matching beanie and scarf set is much appreciated.

“We weren’t too sure what to get you, but we figured you can’t go wrong with chocolates, and you can always do with some extra layers up here!” Sarah-Jane smiles, and Jenny feels herself warm when Yaz gets up to give her a hug.

“You’re right, thank you so much for these! You really didn’t have to get these,” Yaz thanks her sincerely, but she simply gets a tut and a shake of the head for her protests.

“Nonsense, our daughter’s girlfriend deserves gifts too!”

As Yaz moves to sit back on the sofa, Jenny pulls Noelle over to sit on her lap so she is facing Yaz.

“Okay _bébé,_ do you want to give Yaz our presents now?” She says, and Noelle’s face lights up as she begins to swing her legs eagerly, the shimmer of her white sparkly tights catching the light as she moves.

“Right, Yaz. This one is from Noelle,” Jenny explains as the youngster carefully passes over a clumsily wrapped gift; she had insisted on wrapping it herself and there are so many bows on the present that you can barely see the paper.

They both end up having to help Yaz pick open the wrapping; she probably would not have managed it even if she could use both hands, but eventually they make it all the way through the layers and layers of paper and bubble wrap until they get to the actual gift, and the grin that breaks out across Yaz’s face is infectious and bright.

“Noelle, this is gorgeous!” She beams, turning the hand-decorated mug around so she can see all sides. Noelle had painted it with shaky rainbows and a myriad of pink and orange hearts. Written in Jenny’s neat script, at Noelle’s request and alternating between pink and orange letters it says “world’s best Yaz.”

“The colours match the stripies on your helmet! Mama helped me pick them out,” she beams with pride, and Yaz sets the mug down to draw Noelle into a hug as well as spontaneously leaving a kiss on her forehead. Jenny’s heart swells as she watches the interaction play out.

Finally, it is Jenny’s turn to give Yaz her gift, and she is certainly nervous as to how Yaz will receive it.

She hands over the envelope and the box, watching as Yaz elects to open the box first. Inside is a pair of earrings; tiny silver snowflakes that glimmer in the light and Yaz gasps as she takes them in.

“Jen, these are gorgeous. Thank you so much!” she gushes, reaching over to squeeze Jenny’s arm in a show of thanks.

“You’re welcome. I’ll help you put them in later, if you like?” She offers, and Yaz nods enthusiastically. She had already helped Yaz put all her other ear piercings in this morning that she takes out for work. She has a lot and Jenny has no idea what any of them are called, but some look like they would be much harder to remove and so it makes sense that she only takes out the ones that could catch on her hair or her helmet while she is working.

Next, Yaz opens the envelope and frowns in confusion as she pulls out the slip of paper and reads it.

“Jenny, what’s this?”

“Dinner at the panoramic restaurant up on the mountain and an overnight stay in one of their hotel rooms. Kind of a present to both of us, but I wanted to take you on a really fancy date,” she explains, her whole body relaxing when Yaz’s face lights up.

“Jenny, thank you. This is too much,” she says, biting her lip.

“Nah. You’ve been so good to Noelle and I, I wanted to treat you to something special,” she shrugs in embarrassment, letting her hair fall in a curtain in front of her face.

“Well, you’re amazing. Thank you, really,” Yaz says sincerely, staring straight into Jenny’s eyes. They lean closer and closer together. If it weren’t for the pointed cough coming from the other side of the room, their lips certainly would have met.

“Oi, lovebirds! There are other people here!” Thomas calls, and the two women startle before springing apart sheepishly.

“I’ll just have to get you under the mistletoe later,” Yaz murmurs, and Jenny blushes so red the shade of her cheeks might just be a match for the berries on the aforementioned plant.

* * *

After a picnic lunch, Ryan and Clara and their gang arrive and the noise level in the small apartment increases even further, especially when Noelle realises that this means she can move onto the birthday portion of the day, and most importantly, more presents.

“Uncle Ryan!” She yells as soon as Jenny opens the door, running full pelt at him and letting him swing her around.

“Woah! I’m not sure I can lift you now that you’re four!” He jokes, making a show of huffing and puffing as he hoists her onto his hip.

“I’m only _just_ four, silly,” she grins, swinging her legs back and forward as they are the last to step into the apartment, Ryan kicking the door shut behind them.

“Ahh, of course you are. Now, how much sugar have you had today, because you are _hyper,”_ he says, setting her down where she immediately runs to tackle Grace and Graham in bear hugs.

“Surprisingly, not that much,” Jenny answers for her, taking the gift bags Ryan offers and setting them down at the edge of the sofa. “Although, we haven’t done the cake yet.”

Ryan’s chuckle is slightly fearful, and Jenny joins in as she greets Grace, Graham and Clara’s dad Dave with brief but warm hugs. Yaz then does the same and then soon they all settle into the living room; the older adults taking up the sofa and the armchairs while the younger adults and Noelle are sprawled out across the floor.

Before long, Noelle is getting restless at being able to see her pile of birthday presents, and so Jenny relents and lets her start opening them, although she hides the joint gift from her and Yaz until last.

She watches with both delight and relief as Noelle works her way through the pile and unveils her myriad of gifts. She receives a mixture of clothes, colouring books and pens, a train track toy, a Frozen board game and a couple of soft toys. She is delighted with her gifts, and Jenny is too that there is nothing too noisy or messy in there; that is always a fear every year that Noelle will receive something that will drive Jenny to distraction. 

Finally, Jenny pulls out the last present that she had hidden behind the sofa, the joint present that is mostly from Yaz but Jenny had contributed to.

“Now, Noelle, this present is from both me _and_ Yaz, okay,” she explains before sliding the large box over, encouraging Noelle to rip into the wrapping paper with the help of both adults. Eventually, they get enough of the paper off for Noelle to be able to lift the lid open and look into the box. Jenny feels herself and Yaz relax and Noelle yells in excitement and pulls two gifts out of the box

“My own snowboard? And my own helmet” She asks, grinning with glee as she holds it in her little hands, Yaz taking hold of one end when it starts to get too heavy.

“Yeah, your very own snowboard!” Yaz exclaims, the grin on her face just as wide. 

“And guess what?” Jenny asks, beaming at them both.

“What?”

“Yaz is going to teach you how to ride it just like she does!”

If it were at all possible, Noelle’s face lights up even more at that admission and she clambers into Yaz’s lap, wrapping her arms around her tightly.

“I can be cool just like you?” She asks, gazing up at Yaz with adoration.

“Well, I’m pretty sure you’re already cool. But yeah, you’re going to be _even cooler_ when you learn to ride this,” she replies, sitting back slightly so she can look at Noelle properly.

“Thank you, Yaz. You’re the _best,”_ she beams, leaning forward to hug Yaz again. 

There are tears in Yaz’s eyes when she looks up at Jenny, and when Jenny looks back at them, her face is the same. If her attention were not entirely focused on the duo in front of her, she would note that the whole room, but most importantly her parents, are looking on at the small group, perhaps even the small family, with admiration and happiness for them.

* * *

  
Later on, after cake and party games and everyone is chilling out in the living room, Jenny finds herself desperately in need of a break. The emotional and physical exhaustion of the last eight days or so is really taking its toll on her, and she suddenly finds herself drooping where she is sitting. So, she quietly excuses herself and moves to her bedroom before flopping down onto her mattress with a barely concealed groan. Her exhaustion is bone deep and she is finding it hard to keep her eyes open. Maybe a short nap would not be such a bad idea…

Jenny does not know how long it has been when there is a gently shaking of her shoulder. She bats at the offender with her hands, determined to get just a little bit more shut-eye. But the shaking does not stop.

“Ugh, no,” she grumbles, tucking her head to her chest.

“Jenny, come on. I know you’re tired but you can’t sleep too long,” the voice says, and Jenny smiles when she realises that the voice belongs to Yaz.

“Sorry,” she mumbles, rubbing her eyes as she sits up with a yawn.

“Didn’t mean t’sleep, just zonked out I think.”

“Are you feeling okay?” Yaz asks, her face pinched in concern as she touches Jenny’s forehead with the back of her hand. “You do feel a bit warm.”

Jenny smiles at her concern, gently catching her wrist and bringing her hand down only so that she can intertwine their fingers loosely.

“M’fine. Just been a really long week and everything. Excitement of the day got to me a bit, I think,” she says sheepishly, unsuccessfully fighting off another yawn.

“Sorry, didn’t realise you wanted some sleep. Actually I came in here to ask if I could borrow your laptop? I realised I haven’t skyped my parents yet,” she says, rubbing her nose in thought.

“Erm, yeah. That’s fine. It’s just on the dresser there, you can just log out of my account and into yours,” she instructs, going to stand up.

“Actually, I was wondering if maybe you and Noelle would like to say hi? I’ve met your family so it seems right that you meet mine, in a way,” she asks, looking at Jenny shyly. Jenny does not have to force the grin onto her face.

“That would be lovely, Yaz. I’ll just go and get the mini hurricane while you start the call?” She asks, suddenly a bit unsure of how they are actually supposed to go about this.

“That sounds great.”

Jenny is just about to leave the bed when Yaz pulls her back gently, cupping her cheek gently and leaving a fleeting kiss on the corner of her lips. Jenny does not quite know what to do, if she should move, because it looks as though Yaz has something else to say. But, she does not and seems to eventually snap out of her trance, releasing her hold on Jenny. Jenny is still not quite sure what to make of what just transpired.

When Jenny gets back into the bedroom with Noelle in tow, Yaz is already in deep conversation with her parents, seemingly defending her broken finger.

“... I’m fine mum, I promise. If it even _is_ broken, it’s a tiny fracture. Jenny’s been taking care of me anyway,” she protests, looking up and smiling when she sees mother and daughter hovering in the doorway.

“Actually, here she is now,” she grins, beckoning them over. Jenny slinks over, nerves consuming her all of a sudden. She perches awkwardly on the bed next to Yaz, Noelle sitting across both their laps and eyeing the screen suspiciously.

“Mum, dad. This is Jenny and Noelle. Jenny and Noelle, this is my mum Najia and my dad Hakim,” Yaz explains, pointing to each of them in turn.

“Hi! Nice to meet you,” Jenny says, and Noelle gives a shy little wave, playing with the hem of Yaz’s jumper.

“Nice to meet you too. I presume you’re the woman who has been both romancing and looking after my daughter?” Najia asks, and Jenny has to bite back a giggle when Yaz sighs next to her, resting her forehead on a closed fist. You can always trust a mother to get straight to the point.

“Yes, that would be me. Although I have to say, she’s not the best patient, she keeps trying to do stuff by herself,” Jenny grins, and Yaz pokes her in the side in protest.

“See! She keeps using her bad hand to do stuff,” Jenny points out, and Noelle giggles.

“Yes, and then I got covered in flour yesterday,” the youngster reveals, and Yaz tips her head back with a groan.

“Ahh, all the stories are coming out of the woodwork now!” Hakim says, his voice breaking a little bit over the poor internet connection they tend to get in this slightly isolated town in the Alps.

Jenny grins mischievously at Yaz as she shakes her head, her hand coming to rest on Noelle’s back in a newly formed habit. 

The rest of the conversation moves easily but Jenny and Noelle excuse themselves back to the living room after about ten minutes, leaving Yaz to catch up with her parents in peace. Noelle had come out of her shell quickly, easily winning over Najia and Hakim and thankfully Jenny and Yaz had not had to do much to convince Yaz’s parents that she is doing well here and that she is happy. Jenny finds herself feeling even more confident in their relationship and the potential of a future for them.

* * *

Much later in the evening, after everyone has gone home and they have eaten Noelle’s favourite pasta for dinner, the trio are sprawled out across the sofa watching Home Alone in a bit of a sugar coma. Jenny is stretched the length of the sofa, Yaz is half draped across her with her head on her shoulder why Noelle is lying in Yaz’s lap with her feet on Jenny’s stomach, tucked comfortably under Yaz’s arm. It’s all a very warm, domestic and familial scene and it makes Jenny’s heart ache in the best way; she has never had this opportunity to be this comfortable and cozy with someone with Noelle too, and she realised that it is something she had missed without even having had in in the first place.

“Do you want to sleep here tonight?” She asks Yaz quietly, not wanting to disturb Noelle who is in a half-slumber; thumb tucked in her mouth, cheeks rosy and entranced by the pictures on the screen, finally coming down from the high of the day.

Yaz smiles gratefully and nods, her whole complexion glowing in the soft light of the television and the lamp turned on in the corner. “Please.”

Jenny is not surprised. It is already dark outside, snow is falling thick and fast and there are five other people in Yaz’s apartment, two of which are sleeping in her bed. She would end up on the sofa, most likely.

Jenny is secretly relieved that Yaz has agreed to stay too; she has quickly come to realise that she enjoys having Yaz around, and that she sleeps better with her there at night. The nightmares still come, of course, but when she does wake up Yaz is there to help her calm down and go back to sleep, rather than spending half the night pacing and overthinking everything.

Half an hour later, as the film draws to a close and the end credits roll, Jenny glances down to see that Noelle has fallen asleep on Yaz’s lap, her mouth parted slightly and hair sticking to her forehead.

“I should take her to bed,” Jenny murmurs, hand coming down to tangle her fingers in her daughter’s hair.

Yaz looks down at the youngster for a second, and then back at Jenny.

“I could take her?” She asks, tentatively. “I mean, only if that’s okay with you,” she backtracks, biting her lower lip.

Jenny smiles a smile warmer than the atmosphere in the room.

“Course, I’ll be right behind you.”

She reaches forward and helps adjust Noelle so Yaz can actually pick her up with her one good arm, a feat which she has no doubt Yaz will be capable of; she has seen how strong the other woman is, after all. Noelle grumbles and wakes up a little as she is lifted, but she does not protest. She must be very tired.

Jenny follows behind as Yaz carries the youngster down the hallway to her bedroom. Noelle smiles at Jenny from where her chin is resting on Yaz’s shoulder, and if Jenny’s heart could swell any further, it would surely be bursting out of her chest.

As Yaz gently settles her down into her bed, Noelle stirs and open her eyes further.

“Mama? Can we keep Yaz?” She asks, gazing up in adoration at the younger of the two women.

“Well, she’s not ours to keep,” Jenny says as she tucks the duvet around Noelle’s shoulders, making sure she has her teddy bear in there with her.

“But can she stay? Because you’re more happier when Yaz is here,” she says, before her eyes flutter shut and her thumb returns to her mouth.

Jenny straightens up, clearing her throat. But when she looks over at Yaz, she realises that it really was not necessary, because the other woman’s eyes are shining in the darkness of the room, and Jenny melts completely. She is happier when Yaz is here, and it looks at though Yaz feels the same way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for this!
> 
> Small note: there will be no chapter on Tuesday. I'm usually two or even three chapters ahead for this fic, but I am now 0 chapters ahead. It's going to be a busy few days with both Christmas and my sister's birthday, so I don't want to rush myself to push a chapter out! Hope you all understand, but chapter 11 will be worth it (hopefully!)


	11. Summit

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Friday, Happy New Year, and Happy Doctor Who Special Day! Woohoo!  
> Anyway, enjoy this very fluffy chapter!

“Sorry it took so long for us to get around to this,” Jenny says as they sit down at their table right by the window, possibly one of the best in the house. Yaz is surprised that they had gotten such a good table, but then again they work here and she knows that Jenny knows the restaurant owner fairly well, and so she may have pulled a few strings.

“It’s fine, I’m just glad to be here with you,” Yaz says sincerely. This level of closeness and honesty is still something she is learning how to be comfortable with, it is not something she has ever really had in her life before with a significant other. But this is Jenny, and Jenny is different to all the others. She can see a future with Jenny, which does not scare her as much as she thought it might.

“Still, two months?” Jenny says, accepting the menus the waiter hands them before he lets them know he will back soon for their drink orders and hurries off. It is true, it is almost the end of February and they have only just gotten around to their date that was Jenny’s Christmas present to Yaz. both the lack of availability of rooms in the hotel (apparently Jenny had not thought to book a room when she purchased the vouchers), and the absence of a weekend where they would both be free and could get a babysitter for Noelle had made it tricky. But, they are here now, and that is all that matters.

They both order their drinks and then their food at the same time, and then return to their conversation while they wait for their order to arrive.

“It’s beautiful up here,” Yaz admits, gazing out of the window. The sun is just setting and the slopes are sparkling in the low light, everything slightly orange and pink. Despite the temperature hovering around the freezing point, Yaz feels incredibly warm inside. But that probably has a lot to do with the woman sitting across from her.

“Not as beautiful as the view opposite me,” Jenny says quickly. Too quickly.

“How long have you been cooking that one up?” Yaz teases with a raise of a single eyebrow.

“Had it in m’head for a while.”

Yaz shakes her head fondly and laughs at the woman she has completely and utterly fallen for. 

“I’d have to disagree with you though. Because the most beautiful thing here has to be you.”

Jenny ducks her head in embarrassment, sun reflecting off her ear cuff where it is exposed after she tucked her hair behind her ears. Yaz takes pity on her and reaches her hands out across the table, avoiding the wine bottle candle in the middle and clasping Jenny’s gently in her own.

“Jen, please believe me when I say you’re gorgeous. And s’not just how you look either. True, you’re stunning, but you’ve got such a beautiful heart too,” Yaz says. Displaying this affection and being so open is still incredibly new and daunting to her, but for Jenny, she will certainly try.

“Same goes for you, Yaz,” Jenny replies, playing with Yaz’s fingers. Yaz takes a moment to thank the stars that her hand had only been out of action for three weeks. Holding hands properly with Jenny is far too good to have missed.

Yaz pulls a face at Jenny, not believing what she has said.

“No, Yaz. Listen to me. You’re amazing, beautiful, gorgeous. You’re such a good person, you’re incredible with Noelle, I’ve never seen her bond with someone so easily before, and that’s a testament to the kind of person you are, Yaz. I’m so glad I met you Yaz, and I’m so glad you’re a part of my life.  _ Our  _ life.”

Yaz blushes even further, if that is possible, and ducks her head. But she still peers at Jenny from behind the walls she had built up around herself for years, and that the other woman is very slowly starting to break down, piece by piece.

“I’m really glad I’m part of your life too, Jenny. You and Noelle, you’re the best thing that’s happened to me in a long time.”

Jenny looks like she is about to say something, her lip twitches as she gazes into Yaz’s eyes. But the moment is lost when the waiter comes back with their food and they are forced to lean back and break their hands apart. 

They eat quickly, quicker than usual, for their is a palpable charge in the air, a mutual charge that they both have no doubt in which way the evening is headed. They have been building up to this for weeks; little glances, almost admissions, subtle touches, not so subtle kisses. So many almost moments, that had been interrupted or snatched away from them just before those moments could develop and lead onto the inevitable. But now, this evening they are child free, they have a hotel room to themselves and no reason to do anything the next day except from be with each other.

No interruptions.

Well, no interruptions save for the waiter who comes to clear their empty plates and ask if they would like to order dessert.

Yaz is just about to politely decline and suggest to Jenny that they go back upstairs to their hotel room when the other woman’s face lights up at the mention of a chocolate volcano cake on the specials menu.

“You wanna share one?” She asks, her whole face radiating excitement.

How could Yaz say no to a face like that?

“Why not,” she grins.

_ “One chocolate volcano cake with two spoons please,”  _ Jenny beams, picking up the menus to hand back to the waiter.

When the dessert arrives, Yaz can see why Jenny was so eager to try it, it looks incredible and by the first bite, Yaz concludes that it tastes the same.

She can see Jenny watching her while she eats, and so she makes a point to flick her tongue over her spoon in a particular manner, raising her eyebrows as she does so.

Jenny’s cheeks turn a deep rouge as she looks down at her own spoon.

Bingo.

Both women find themselves subconsciously eating more quickly, desperate to get somewhere more private because it is clear that the evening is heading in a particular direction.

When they are finished their food, Yaz is about to say something when she notices a dark spot on Jenny’s cheek.

“Jen, you’ve got a bit of chocolate sauce there,” she informs her, pointing to the spot on her own cheek.

“There?” She asks, making a failed attempt to swipe at the substance.

“Nope. Come here.”

Yaz leans over the table and cups Jenny’s chin, using her thumb to wipe away the substance. At the same time, Jenny’s tongue darts out and comes into contact with Yaz’s thumb, just briefly.

That was definitely intentional.

“Jenny, do you want to go back to our room?”

“God yes.”

* * *

Jenny is uncharacteristically nervous as she uses her key card to unlock their hotel room door; they had been up briefly earlier to drop off their overnight bags and for Yaz to use the facilities, but it had been a short visit and they had headed straight down to the restaurant. Normally, Yaz is one to survey new spaces properly, especially hotel rooms, excited by the simple prospect of somewhere new to sleep, but this time she finds that she is completely enraptured by the woman standing in front of her, wringing her hands together and tilting her head to one side.

“Okay, Jen?” Yaz checks. The other woman nods with a gulp, her cheeks flushing.

“Actually, I was wondering … would you dance with me?” She asks in a whisper, pulling her phone out of the pocket of her slacks and hitting play, tossing it onto the bed. A song Yaz does not recognise but is clearly intended for a slow dance begins to play, and Yaz smiles to herself, smiles at the fact that Jenny must have planned this, because how else would she have had such an appropriate song all ready to play. Jenny extends a hand and Yaz takes it, letting the other woman pull her close and hold her in something akin to a ballroom hold; her hand on the small of Yaz’s back, Yaz’s hand on Jenny’s shoulder.

_ J'ai les vertiges tu me prend la main _

_ D'ici la, la terre est loin _

_ C'est si grand que mon coeur est plein _

_ Je sais pas si je vais mal ou bien _

_ On nous dis que le ciel est sans fin _

_ J'avoue j'y comprend rien _

_ Je suis seulement du genre humain _

_ Je sais pas ce que je feras demain _

They sway slowly together in time to the music; they had not got as far as turning the lights on when they got in, but the moonlight streaming in through the open curtains provides just enough light for them to be bathed in a gentle glow, completely entranced with each other. It is almost ethereal.

_ Dans ten repères anti-narcisse _

_ Tu me léve et me guise _

_ Et de la haut tout rapetisse _

_ Mes peur et mes cicatrices _

_ C'est doux assis la sur la lune _

_ À pensé à l'amertume _

_ Nos pensées ne fait qu'une _

_ Et saoul assis la sur la lune _

_ À scellé nos fortunes _

_ Le chagrin se consume _

As the song draws to a close, Jenny steps back, an intense look on her face. It scares Yaz a little as she studies her strong gaze, her unwavering eyes. But she does not run from what scares her, because she trusts Jenny entirely.

“Yaz … “ Jenny breathes, her eyelashes fluttering. Yaz does not dare say a word.

“Yasmin Khan. God Yaz, I love you. I love you so much Yaz, and I need you to know that.”

Some people have described this moment to Yaz as something akin to fireworks going off inside oneself, or burning hotter than the sun. But in reality, it is much more peaceful than that. It feels as though the whole world around Yaz has come to a standstill, and she and Jenny are the only ones left moving. Granted they are not moving much, just the rise and fall of their chests as they breathe in unison.

Finding she cannot come up with a response in the form of words at this very moment, Yaz surges forward and wraps her arms around the back of Jenny’s neck to pull her forward into a passionate kiss, hoping to channel all of her emotions into her actions. Hoping that the other woman will get the message.

The other woman’s arms flail about for a moment, not quite sure what to do with themselves, but they soon find their place on Yaz’s hips. Jenny drags Yaz towards her a bit further so they are flush together; thigh to thigh, hip to hip, breast to brest, mouth to mouth.

Eventually, Yaz has to break away for air and she does with a heaving and flushed chest, her cheeks a similar shade of rouge. Jenny seems to be in much of the same state as she breathes Yaz’s name, hair ruffled but with a slight look of apprehension on her face.

Wait.

Why does Jenny look worried?

And then Yaz realises; she has not reciprocated the other woman’s admission, at least not verbally.

“Genevieve, I love you too. Beyond words. I came here not knowing what i was doing with my life, but you and Noelle. God, you’re the best people I’ve ever met, and I wouldn’t change you two for anything.”

The beaming smile that breaks out across Jenny’s face may just be brighter than the full moon still bathing their hotel room in a glow, and Yaz feels all her muscles relax simultaneously. 

“I’m so glad you said that, thought I’d really messed up for a second there,” Jenny laughs softly, and Yaz feels her insides go even more gooey than they already were.

“I’ve been wanting to say it for a while,” Yaz admits.

“Really?” Jenny hums, mapping Yaz’s lips with her eyes in a not-at-all subtle way.

“Yeah, there’s something else I’ve been wanting to do for a while,” Yaz says, boldly hooking her thumbs through Jenny’s belt loops and tugging her closer yet again. Jenny squeaks in surprise at the action, but she soon settles into it and kisses Yaz again easily, her hands roaming all over Yaz’s back as she lets out little moans of pleasure.

“Do you want to …?” Jenny gasps, chest heaving.

“Yes,” Yaz replies, without hesitation.

But, instead of gravitating towards a more horizontal surface, they both stand stock still in the middle of the room, hands slipping down again to clasps each other’s lightly.

They both stand and stare at each other again, halted in their hastiness, by what, Yaz is not sure.

“Jenny, are you sure about this?” Yaz asks as they stand in the middle of their hotel room, hand in hand.

“Yes, I’m sure Yaz,” Jenny replies, resting her arms over Yaz’s shoulders while her girlfriend’s loop around her waist, linking them together.

“Please be sure, I don’t want you to do anything you’re not comfortable with.”

Jenny laughs softly, resting her forehead against Yaz’s with a barely audible  _ clunk. _

“Yaz, we just told each other we love each other. Trust me, all I want right now is you.”

Yaz forces herself to let out a breath, let out the nerves. Jenny wants this, she wants this, she initiated it, so why is she so nervous?

“Are  _ you _ sure about this, Yaz? Because I’m not entirely sure you are and I don’t want to force you to do anything. That’s the absolute last thing I want, trust me,” Jenny says, her breath that smells like the chocolate dessert they shared ghosting over Yaz’s lips.

When Yaz gulps audibly in place of speaking, Jenny steps backwards and takes Yaz’s hand to lead her to the bed and sit down.

“Yaz, talk to me. Because you’re clearly having some sort of reservations here and I won’t do anything until we figure out what that is.”

Yaz sighs, chewing her lip as she tries to figure out how to tell Jenny what she is feeling.

“I’ve never done this with someone that I properly care about before,” she admits, grateful when Jenny squeezes her hand.

“Yeah I’ve slept with people before but I never had that emotional connection. We just said we love each other, that’s a pretty strong emotional connection. The stakes are so high, I don’t want to get this wrong.”

When Yaz looks up, Jenny is looking at her with a gentle smile and it relaxes her immediately.

“Yaz, I’m scared too. I haven’t been with anyone since Noelle’s dad, so this is a big deal for me too. And before that, I’d only been with a woman once. So I’m rusty and I know I am, but I want to be with you so bad. And if you feel the same way, I have an inkling it’ll be worth it to get past our nerves,” she smiles, and Yaz lets out a breathy laugh.

“So you still want to do this?” Yaz checks again, and Jenny nods enthusiastically, almost over-enthusiastically and it makes Yaz laugh loudly.

“Absolutely, yes, one thousand and thirteen percent.”

“Again with the thirteen percent,” Yaz questions, raising her eyebrow, but to her surprise, Jenny blushes even more than she already is.

“You’ve really gotta stop with that eyebrow thing, it makes me all worked up,” she grumbles, her forearms returning to their place over Yaz’s shoulders.

Yaz grins mischievously and raises her eyebrows again, letting her tongue dart out just briefly between her lips just to wind Jenny up further. 

“What, like this?”

“Yaz, that’s mean!” Jenny whines, shifting around before Yaz’s hands move to her waist to hold her still lest she catapult them both off the bed.

Yaz gives in and rests her forehead against Jenny’s affectionately in a show of an apology.

“If I stop doing that, do you think you could kiss me again? ‘Cause I rather liked that.”

“Yasmin Khan, I could kiss you all day.”

Jenny’s lips meet hers passionately and Yaz guides them slowly so they are laying horizontal on the bed, arms wrapped around waists, hands cupping cheeks and legs tangled together as they melt into each other, nothing else existing in that moment. Just them.

Yaz gasps when Jenny cold hands untuck her blouse from her jeans and her palms come into contact with her bare skin, running all over it and straying close to her chest but never going quite that high.

“Okay?” Jenny stops and checks, her hands stilling in their frantic movement but her thumbs still stroking over Yaz’s stomach.

Yaz gulps when Jenny’s thumb hits a ticklish spot, but nods anyway.

“Can I?” Yaz asks, gesturing to where Jenny’s jumper is still tucked into her jeans. But, Jenny goes wide-eyed and leans away slightly.

“Hey, we don’t have to,” Yaz reassures, but Jenny’s grip tightens on her waist.

“What’s botherin’ you. You can tell me, I won’t judge.”

Jenny looks like she is fighting a battle in her own head for a moment, her nose scrunching up in thought before she lets out a long breath and leans her forehead against Yaz’s.

“I … erm … Well having Noelle, my body doesn’t quite look how it used to. I have quite a lot of stretch marks, and well, my stomach isn’t exactly flat,” she admits, looking down in embarrassment.

Yaz sighs softly and sits up a little to give Jenny space, but not so far that she thinks that Yaz does not want to be with her anymore. But still, Jenny follows her actions. Reaching up, Yaz tenderly tucks a piece of Jenny’s hair behind her ear and cups her cheek lightly, rubbing her thumb under her eye.

“Jenny, please don’t think for one second that that bothers me or puts me off. I know you’re a mum, so it’s not like this is a surprise to me. Quite frankly, I don’t care what you look like under your jumper, because however bad you think you look, I can assure you that’s not true. Those marks on your skin gave you Noelle, and in my opinion, she’s well worth it. So please don’t think for one second that I want to be with you any less because you look different to me.”

Jenny lets out a long breath and smiles gently, raising her gaze to look at Yaz.

“Thanks. Not sure why I was so nervous.”

“It’s okay to be nervous Jenny, everyone gets nervous with this stuff,” Yaz reassures.

“I know, I know,” Jenny sighs, rubbing her nose.

“Do you want me to go first?” Yaz asks, and Jenny nods gratefully.

“You sure?”

“Yeah,” Yaz breathes, suddenly nervous herself for Jenny to see her, but pushing past it so that the other woman does not feel uncomfortable. She unbuttons her blouse efficiently, hoping she is not rushing it but also having no idea how to make it look seductive like other women seem to be able to do with no problems. Really, it is just a bit awkward unbuttoning your blouse in front of someone for the first time, especially when you know that they are watching you.

Finally she shrugs it off her shoulders and looks at Jenny properly, squirming under her intense gaze.

“You’ve got abs,” Jenny squeaks, her face flushing.

Yaz looks down at her own torso, and sure, there is some definition there and while she would not say that she has visible abs as such, there is definitely a hint of something and she knows that her core strength is higher than most.

“A little bit, yeah. Got to keep the core strength good to board,” she explains, trying to resist the urge to cover herself over.

“Mmhmm,” Jenny mumbles, flushing further.

“Hey, Jen,” Yaz says gently, tipping her chin to force her faze upwards. “Remember what I said; it won’t bother me what you look like under there.”

“Right, yeah,” Jenny gulps, leaning up to leave a brief kiss on the corner of yaz’s lips before crossing her arms behind her back and pulling her jumper over her head like a teenage boy and almost elbowing Yaz in the face in the process. Yaz is so caught up in just how endearing she found that, that she almost forgets that she is supposed to provide some sort of positive reaction to the fact that her partner is also now bare-skinned, mere inches away from her. She glances down and sees a soft, slightly wrinkled tummy decorated with various stretch marks that disappear under the waistband of her trousers to her hips.

“Jenny, you’re beautiful,” Yaz whispers, and the other woman goes to protest, but Yaz holds a finger to her lips. “Nope, not taking any negativity on that front. You’re gorgeous, end of,” she says a little more firmly. Jenny loses some of the tension she is holding and smiles, leaning back on the bed and taking Yaz with her until their combined weight pulls them both backwards to land with a soft  _ whumph  _ on the sheets.

“Do you think we could maybe get on with this now?” Jenny says breathlessly, her chest heaving.

“I think I’d quite like that.”

* * *

Yaz steps into the cable car and begins to descend with a strange mixture of nerves in the pit of her stomach. It is a Monday, but Jenny was not at work today. She had left very early that morning, before Noelle was even awake, and she had started the drive into Lille for her court date. The court date that would decide the future role of Noelle’s dad in their life. 

It is not the nerves of looking after Noelle so much that is gnawing away at Yaz: after all she had successfully managed to get her up, dressed, fed and to school on time this morning and so she knows she is capable of looking after the young girl on her own. No, the nerves come from the fact that it is getting nearer and nearer to the unknown time that Jenny will come home, and come home with the verdict about Olivier. Yaz is nervous for all three of them.

Stepping out of the car and onto the pavement at the terminal stop, Yaz knows she has to move quickly in order to be on time for Noelle. She hurries through the streets, grateful that it has not snowed for a few days and so there is less slush on the ground, meaning that she can move more quickly. She gets to the gates of the school just as the large wooden door is opening. Jenny had explained last week that it would be Yaz dropping off and picking up Noelle today, but she still makes sure that she makes herself known to the young girl’s teacher with a small wave as the children start to stream out into the courtyard.

As usual, Noelle is among the last out and makes a beeline straight for Yaz.

“Yaz!” She yells, jumping up for Yaz to catch her like she always does, hoisting her up onto her hip and tucking a stray curl back under her bobble hat. She is surprised that she is wearing it, in fact, it is much milder today. Although, Yaz has been up on the mountain all day where it is significantly colder.

“Hey, sweetheart. How was your day?” She asks, a smile on her face.

“It was fun, we were doing lots of drawings!”

“Oh very nice, are they in your bag?” Yaz asks as she sets her down on the ground.

“Yeah. But my teacher wanted to talk to you,” she says, pointing back towards the building. Yaz frowns, feeling that it must be important if she cannot wait to talk to Jenny about it, but she makes her way over to the door anyway, hovering and holding Noelle’s hand while she waits for the rest of the children to leave.

_ “Hi, Noelle said that you wanted to speak to me?” _ Yaz says, stepping forward when it quietens down.

_ “Ahh yes. Yasmin, isn’t it?” _

_ “Yes.” _

_ “Nice to meet you, Yasmin. I just wanted to let you know, some of the drawings Noelle did today, they’re a little bit worrying. It is today Genevieve is in court for the custody case, yes?” _

Yaz nods, adjusting her grip on Noelle’s hand. She knows the young girl is listening, but she is not telling her teacher anything that she and Jenny have not already told Noelle. They have told her the basics of what is happening so that she is kept in the loop, and they are answering any questions as best they can. To be honest, neither of them really have any idea how to deal with this; Noelle had been so young when Jenny left Olivier that their current situation is all she has known, and so trying to explain it to her now is completely new territory.

_ “She should be back tonight though, although we’re not sure what time,”  _ Yaz informs, tapping the ground with the toe of her boot anxiously. 

_ “Oh, alright. She knows that we here need to be kept in the loop for safeguarding, but give her our best. We hope it works out the best for all of you. And if I were you, I would make sure to have a conversation with Noelle here when you get a moment,”  _ she says, not unkindly.

_ “We will do,”  _ Yaz reassures before bidding their goodbyes and setting off, hand in hand towards Jenny and Noelle’s apartment. Although it has sort of become Yaz’s apartment too, she ends up sleeping there half the week usually and she has a fair amount of her stuff lying around in various drawers and cupboards.

“Yaz, is mama back yet?” She asks, and Yaz sighs.

“Not yet, sweetheart. She sent me a text at lunchtime to say she was still busy, but she would let us know when she’s on her way back,” Yaz explains, watching the little girl’s face change as she considers the information.

“She’s sorting all the things out about my papa, isn’t she?” Noelle asks, and Yaz nods.

“Yes, she is.”

Noelle goes quiet again, scuffing the toes of her boots along the ground as she walks. Yaz knows she should probably reprimand her for it, but this is a hard day Noelle.

“Will she have to see my papa?”

“No, not really. She’s at a place called court, and they will be in the same room but they won’t be going near each other,” Yaz explains, as clearly as she can. In fact, she is not entirely sure how these sorts of situations work in France let alone in England, but she hopes that it is not too far from the truth and that Noelle will accept the explanation as reasonable and not be too distressed about it.

Thankfully she seems to do just that and they walk back to the apartment in relative silence, until they get to the door of the building.

“Yaz?”

“Yes?”

“I don’t think I want to see my papa again,” Noelle admits, staring at her shoes like it is a shameful secret. Yaz stops and crouches down opposite her, using the tips of her fingers to tilt her chin up to see her.

“Noelle, that’s okay. If you don’t want to see him, that is okay and you don’t have to. Nobody will make you, yeah? And I’m sure your mama, and me, and Uncle Ryan, we will all look after you and make sure you’re happy, okay?”

Yaz watches her for a moment as she lifts her gaze shyly, regarding Yaz carefully.

“I love you, Yaz. You’re the best Yaz in the whole wide world.”

Yaz feels a wide grin spread across her whole face, just like the warmth that is spreading out from her heart and throughout her body, all the way to the tips of her fingers and the tips of her toes.

“I love you too, Noelle.”

* * *

Much later that day, much much later, Yaz has successfully put Noelle to bed and is curled up on the sofa in her pyjamas, book in hand and desperately trying to keep her eyes open. It is only around half past nine, but it has been a long day of being solely responsible for Noelle as well as worrying about Jenny and the outcome of her time in court that Yaz feels herself drooping where she is sat.

But when she hears a key in the lock of the front door she throws her book down without so much as marking the page and jumps up, hurrying over to the front door and ready to receive Jenny in whatever state she is in.

When the other woman steps through the door and drops her keys in the bowl, Yaz can see that is absolutely beaten-down and exhausted, but there is a tiny, almost imperceptible smile on her face. Yaz lets herself hope.

Stepping towards Yaz, Jenny draws her in for a hug immediately, holding her tight and burning her face into Yaz’s neck. The words are muffled and so Yaz has to really concentrate to make out what Jenny is saying, but the tone of her voice gives her away.

“I got full custody,” she rejoices, pulling back and resting her forehead against Yaz’s with tears of relief streaming down her face.

“I got full custody, he has no rights to see her until she is an adult, and even then it’s entirely on her terms. We owe him nothing.”

Yaz finds herself crying now too, and they both stand pressed together as they process the information. 

“Jenny, that’s amazing,” Yaz finally breathes, squeezing the other woman’s waist. “You don’t have to think about him any more.”

“I don’t,” Jenny affirms. “God I’m so glad that’s all wrapped up,” she admits, freeing one hand to rub at her eyes.

“I bet.”

There are a few moments of silence where they simply stand and draw comfort from each other, holding on for dear life. Well, that is, until Jenny yawns impressively right in Yaz’s face, and they dissolve into giggles.

“Sorry, I must stink of stuffy courtrooms and cheap petrol station coffee,” she apologises, watery laughs ringing through the room.

“You do a bit,” Yaz admits, tucking some stray blonde hairs behind her ear. “Still love you though.”

That draws another smile from Jenny, right before she yawns again.

“Come on, let's get you to bed,” Yaz instructs gently, taking Jenny’s hand and leading her down the hallway.

“Yasmin Khan, what did I do to deserve you?”

* * *

“Right, sweetheart. Do you remember what we learned so far?” Yaz asks as they stand at the top of the tiny bunny slopes, Jenny waiting anxiously at the bottom but with her phone in hand, ready to capture her daughter’s first, hopefully successful, run down a real slope. Well, the bunny slopes, but still better than the very slightly sloped paths at the park.

“Yep,” she nods up at Yaz, who is crouched opposite her while Noelle is sitting down on the snow.

“Awesome. Can you attach your board to your feet for me?” Yaz asks and Noelle sets to work. She gives it a valiant attempt, but the bindings are stiff and her gloved hands do not help either, so Yaz finishes it off for her, before attaching her own board and pushing herself up from the ground.

Noelle copies and puts one hand behind her to push herself up, reaching the other up for Yaz to catch and pull her the rest of the way. Yaz finds herself beaming with pride for how much the young girl has learnt in such a short amount of time; she is certainly more of a natural than most of her students and she does not try to argue back and insist she knows better either, which is a definite bonus.

“Well done. Now bend your knees a little bit for me and rock back and forth to get your balance like we practiced,” Yaz instructs, holding out her hands and controlling Noelle as she moves on her board. When she is satisfied that Noelle has her balance, Yaz turns to wave at Jenny. The other woman gives a thumbs up and a nervous grin before raising her phone to capture Noelle’s first proper attempt to be like Yaz.

“Do you want to give a wave to your mama for me?” Yaz asks, letting go of one of Noelle’s hands so they can both wave at the camera before she takes her hand again and nods at Noelle and tips their boards over the edge of the top of the slope.

It is not a fast run by any means, it is a very gentle slope and by Yaz’s standards they move at the pace of a snail but Noelle squeals with delight the whole way down, a huge grin on her face when they get to the bottom. Of course, though, when she goes to run to Jenny to give her a victory hug she forgets that she still has a board attached to her feet and before anyone can stop her she face-plants straight into the snow with a muffled  _ oof.  _

Laughing loudly, Yaz bends down and hooks her wrists under the young girl’s arms to drag her back up to a standing position. She is trying to get her to learn how to get herself up from being face down in the snow, but she takes pity on her this time. In front of them, Jenny bends down to dust the snow from her little goggles and her face, smiling affectionately.

“Want to try again?” Yaz asks, and Noelle nods eagerly. They both unstrap one foot from the bindings on the board so they can move over to the side of the slope and make their way up. Noelle still hasn’t quite gotten the hang of “walking” up the hill so once again Yaz holds onto her elbows to give her an extra boost.

Their next few runs go much better, and by the end of the two hours Yaz has managed to work Moelle up to the next level slope and she is going down it without too much help from Yaz. the other woman just going down beside her ready to reach out and steady her if she needs it. But, by her very last run, she does not, and both Jenny and Yaz are beaming with pride when she makes it to the bottom on her own for the first time.

They leave the slopes to head back to Jenny and Noelle’s apartment all together, Noelle chattering away a mile a minute in excitement, swinging Jenny and Yaz’s hands as they walk. Glancing over to the small family that she is beginning to consider part of her own, Yaz feels a warmth spread through her chest. She has an inkling that she will be drawn back to this place once again, and perhaps for good.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! See you next Friday for the penultimate chapter!
> 
> Also, here is the song they danced to: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zRsGgUkH18g


	12. Bittersweet

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yaz has to leave France to go back to Sheffield, and they have to work out how their family unit will function with this change

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahhh the penultimate chapter! A bit of a sad one, but it ends on a good note. Enjoy!

“Do I have to go?” Yaz mumbles into Jenny’s chest, enjoying the feeling of the other woman’s arms around her body, hugging her close. It is early, painfully early; neither the sun nor Noelle are awake yet but Yaz wants to spend every spare minute she can with Jenny and Noelle until they have to say goodbye at the airport in a few hours time. If that means getting up at the crack of dawn, then so be it.

“Unfortunately, yeah,” Jenny mumbles back, her chin mussing up Yaz’s hair where it is resting atop her head.

“I don’t want to,” Yaz admits, embarrassed to find that there are tears in the corners of her eyes and her voice breaks as she speaks.

“Oh, Yaz,” Jenny sighs, tightening her hold on the other woman and kissing her hairline, rubbing her back while she cries.

“It’s stupid, you and Noelle are coming over to see me in a month. And video calls exist, I’m coming back next season,” she protests, arguing with herself more than anything else.

“It’s okay to be sad y’know, Yaz. You’ve built a second home here, it’s okay not to want to leave.”

Yaz sighs, rubbing her eyes.

“I don’t think this is a second home though, Jenny. It just  _ is _ home. What I’m going back to, that’s just a place. I grew up there, but it doesn’t feel like home. Here’s home, Jenny,” she says.

Jenny falls silent, and she knows it is because there really is no answer to that, because it is true that Yaz feels more at home here than she ever did in Sheffield after she was forced to retire, and so it is hard to leave this place and go back to somewhere she knows she will not be even half as happy.

They sit in silence for a while, listening to the town slowly wake up around them until there is a creak of a door and a padding of feet. Both women smile to themselves at the approach of little feet before their own door creaks open and a tentative face peers around it.

“Can I come in?” Noelle whispers, her feet shuffling over the threshold and her teddy clutched tight in her fists.

“Yeah,” Jenny nods, keeping one arm wrapped around Yaz but extending the other in invitation to her daughter. However, Noelle does not go to Jenny but moves towards Yaz, clambering up onto the bed, under the duvet and settling on Yaz’s lap, snuggling close. Jenny moves her free arm to rest across Noelle, joining her hand together at Yaz’s shoulder and encircling them both.

“Yaz, are you sad?” She whispers, fondling her teddy bear’s ears.

“Yes, I am sweetheart. I don’t really want to go back to Sheffield,” she admits.

“I’m sad too,” Noelle sniffles, her eyes welling up and her bottom lip juddering.

Yaz and Jenny both sigh deeply, in unison.

“It’s okay to be sad, sweetheart,” Yaz says, resting her chin on top of Noelle’s head and trying not to cry. “But we can video call every day, and you’re going to come and visit me next month. And then I’ll come and see you during the summer holidays. And then before you know it, I’ll be back here for the next season.”

“But it still won’t be the same,” Noelle whimpers, and that is when the dam breaks for both Yaz and Jenny too. It is incredibly hard to hold it together when they know they only have a few hours left with Yaz before she has to leave.

They all allow themselves a moment to be sad, they need to let these emotions out rather than letting them bottle up.

Eventually, Yaz wipes her eyes and sits up a little straighter. 

“Come on then, let's go and get some breakfast.”

Jenny agrees with a hum and starts to disentangle herself from the bundle, but Noelle stays clinging onto Yaz like a koala, refusing to let go. With a fond shake of her head, Yaz shuffles to the edge of the bed with Noelle and scoops her up as she stands. She carries her to the kitchen, admitting to herself that she does not want to let her go either.

* * *

The drive to the airport is not long, just over an hour thanks to the minimal traffic of the early hour, but it feels like it takes an age as the car is uncharacteristically quiet, Jenny focused on the road ahead and Noelle starting sadly out the window. The radio plays quietly in the background, but nobody listens to it, it simply serves to punctuate the silence enveloping the car.

When they pull into a parking space at the airport and get out of the car, Noelle latches herself into Yaz again, refusing to let go, and so Yaz ends up carrying her into the terminal while Jenny pulls her suitcase. She had already said goodbye to everyone else yesterday before she had gone to Jenny’s for the night, and so this small family are all she has left to bid her farewells to. But they will be the hardest farewells of all.

Looking at her phone, Yaz sees that she still has three hours until her flight.

“We’ve got time for a quick stop at the café over there before I have to go, how does that sound?”

Jenny hums in agreement and Noelle’s face lights up at the prospect of a treat so early in the morning, and Yaz giggles.

“Actually, the check-in queue is really short at the minute so I’ll go and do that before it gets longer, but I’ll come straight back to you guys,” she decides, starting to untangle Noelle’s arms from around her neck to pass her over to Jenny, but the little girl is having none of it.

“No, I don’t want you to go!” She cries, and Yaz pauses, sharing a look with Jenny.

“Noelle, sweetheart, I’m just going to go over there and give them my big suitcase. You’ll see me the whole time and I’ll be right back, okay?”

That seems to placate her and she allows Jenny and Yaz to swap Noelle for suitcase, and Yaz makes her way over to the check-in desk. There are a couple of people in front of her, so while she is waiting Yaz turns around and waves at Noelle, who is now clinging to Jenny like a koala with arms around her neck and head on her shoulder. She does return the wave, though, so Yaz takes the opportunity to pull funny faces at her while she waits, pleased when it pulls giggles from mother and daughter alike.

Soon enough it is her turn in the queue and she steps forward, lugging her suitcase up and depositing it on the scale.

“Hi there. Flying to Leeds?” The check-in agent asks, and Yaz nods. She pushes her passport across the desk and turns around to look back at Jenny and Noelle. They give her a small smile and a wave and they return it. She turns back to the desk, the smile still on her face.

“Are they your family?” She asks, casually, and Yaz’s smile grows wider.

“Sort of, yeah. That’s my girlfriend and her daughter.”

“And they’re not going with you?”

“No, unfortunately not. They live here, I don’t,” she says sadly, sniffing hard, and the check-in agent looks at her sympathetically.

“Oh, I’m sorry I asked. That must be hard.”

Yaz chuckles, watching as her suitcase thankfully comes under weight and a tag is tied to it.

“Well then. There’s your boarding pass, seat 13A. You’re got about two hours until your flight will be called, mostly likely, so you can have a little extra time with them.”

Yaz smiles gratefully, collecting her documents and tucking them safely into the pocket of her carry-on backpack before making her way back over to Jenny and Noelle. Of course, Noelle immediately runs for her and Yaz receives her gladly, scooping her up in her arms and spinning her around a couple of times before settling her on her hip.

“Who fancies one last café trip before I have to go?” She asks, and Noelle nods with enthusiasm. Although, not quite as much as usual.

The small airport café they choose is busy and bustling with travellers, all catching early flights like Yaz, but they manage to find a small booth in the corner of the café and sit all squished up on one side of it, none of the three of them wanting to spend any more time separated than necessary, even if only by a table.

The conversation is free flowing but tainted with sadness, because they all know that they will have to see goodbye soon, and Yaz will be climbing into a plane soon that will take her far away from this new family she has become a part of. Checking her watch, she decides that it would be best for them to start making their way to security so they can all have a proper goodbye rather than potentially being rushed through it lest Yaz miss her flight.

“We should start heading for security,” she says, regretfully. Jenny gives a tight lipped smile and Noelle protests when they start to move, but settles a little when she realises she doesn not have to say goodbye to Yaz  _ just _ yet. It is clear which member of the family will be feeling Yaz’s departure the most acutely, and Yaz feels incredibly guilty that Jenny will be the one left to deal with the fallout of that when she herself is the one who is indirectly causing that distress for the young girl. She vows to do everything she can from where she will be in England to ease that burden for :both them.

Walking up to security, she breathes a sigh of relief when she sees that there is barely a line; they have time. Leading them both over to a bench against the far wall, she sinks down into it and drops her heavy carry-on backpack to the floor. Jenny sets herself down next to her, while Noelle lifts her arms up to be lifted into Yaz’s lap, which she obliges to happily. She will not get to do this for a while.

“Now, you two. I have a couple of things to give you before I go,” she says, reaching down into her backpack and retrieving the small pouch she had conveniently stashed at the top in preparation.

Jenny looks at her in confusion while Noelle’s face lights up momentarily at the prospect of a gift.

“Noelle, I’m going to give you yours first,” Yaz explains, pulling a soft, caramel coloured teddy bear with a rainbow ribbon tied in a bow around its neck out of the small pouch, handing it over to Noelle.

“Noelle, this is your special teddy bear for whenever you miss me. If you miss me and you can’t call me right then, you’ve got to squeeze this teddy bear really tight, yeah? And if you do that, you won’t miss me so much anymore. How does that sound?”

Noelle takes the teddy bear and carefully sits in on her lap, running her little fingers through the soft fur.

“Thank you, Yaz. You’re the best Yaz in the whole wide universe and this teddy isn’t the same as you but I love it anyways,” she says, her lower lip quivering. That sends Yaz into tears and she wraps both arms around Noelle, hugging her tight.

“You know what, I think you’re the best Noelle in the whole wide universe. And I’m going to miss you lots, you know that?”

“I’m going to miss you lots too, Yaz,” she mumbles in reply. Yaz is grateful when Jenny’s arm wraps around her shoulders as she hides her face in Noelle’s hair.

Yaz allows herself a few more moments of emotion before she sits up, removing one arm so she can wipe her eyes but keeping the other firmly tucked around Noelle.

“I’ve got something for you too, Jen.”

Keeping one arm tucked firmly around Noelle, Yaz reaches into her bag with the other hand and pulls out a small drawstring bag, handing it over to Jenny. Frowning at Yaz, she opens it and gasps when she pulls out the delicate silver chain, a heart attached to the end.

“Is this…?”

“A locket? Yeah, open it,” Yaz prompts, smiling shyly despite having already shared so much of herself with this woman.

Jenny gasps as she undoes the tiny clasp of the locket, opening it up to reveal a photograph of the three of them, taken on Christmas Day by Ryan. They are all wearing party hats to celebrate Noelle’s birthday, grinning at the camera in the midst of a sugar high.

“So you’ve always got all three of us,” Yaz explains, and Jenny promptly bursts into tears.

“Hey, come here,” Yaz murmurs, using her free arm to draw Jenny in for a hug, bringing all three of their heads together.

Yaz finds herself not caring that they are all crying openly and not quietly, but then again it is an airport, and it is not uncommon for emotional moments to be occurring here.

Eventually, with much regret, Yaz has to sit up. There is only an hour until her flight boards and the queue to get through security is getting ever longer. She catches Jenny’s eye, and she nods in understanding.

“Come on sweetheart, Yaz has to go now,” she says, holding out her arms for Noelle but the little girl squirms away and clings to Yaz tighter.

“No! I don’t want her to go!” She cries, tears pouring down her cheeks as she fists her hands into Yaz’s jumper.

“I know, _ bébé,  _ I don’t want her to go either but she has to go back to Sheffield,” Jenny says, her voice breaking.

“I’m going to miss you lots too, Noelle. But you’ve got your special teddy, and you can video call me on mama’s laptop every single day.”

“Every single day?” She asks, raising her head.

“Yeah, every single day,” she confirms, kissing Noelle’s forehead.

“I love you lots, Yaz,” she says as she allows Jenny to pick her up, clutching her new teddy tight and holding onto her mother like a koala.

“I love you lots too,” Yaz says, standing up and swinging her backpack onto her back.

She kisses them both goodbye again, trying really hard not to completely break down as she walks away, joining the back of the line for security and wiping the stubborn tears from her face. Noelle’s crying is hard to ignore, but eventually it fades away, and when she turns around she realises that Jenny and Noelle have left, which is probably for the better.

Once through security and waiting for her flight to be called, her phone buzzes with a text message and she grabs it, her face lighting up when she realises it is from Jenny; a picture of Noelle dozing in her carseat, the new teddy clutched tightly to her chest.

**Jenny [8:07am]:** She won’t let it go, it was definitely a good idea. Thank you x

**Yaz: [8:08am]:** I’m glad. They’re calling my flight, but I’ll video call you both as soon as I get home. Love you x

**Jenny: [8:10am]:** Sounds good, love you too x

* * *

The second Yaz makes it through passport control in the airport in Leeds, she pulls her phone out of her bag and switches it back on, scanning the screens in baggage claim to find which carousel she is heading for which she impatiently waits for it to turn on. She locates the carousel and stands fidgeting beside it. When her phone turns on, despite there being several texts from Jenny, she takes the responsible route and texts her dad as promised to let him know that she has landed safely and is waiting in baggage claim, so he will see her soon. Although before she had left for France she had been living in her own flat, the new place she is renting now she is back in England will not be available for about four days, and so she will be staying with her parents for that time.

As soon as the text to her dad is sent she opens the one from Jenny, and seeing that a video is attached, she fishes her earbuds out of her pockets and plugs them in so she can watch in privacy.

**Jenny [9:38am]:** Noelle wanted you to have something as soon as you got off the plane, and she wouldn’t relent until I sent you this. Although, to be fair, I’m not opposed to the idea either x

_ “Hi Yaz! I’m still sad because you’re not here but I wanted to show you something. Mama, follow me,” Noelle instructs bossily to the camera, still holding tight to her new teddy, and Jenny chuckles softly off screen. _

_ The image follows Noelle moving down the hallway to her bedroom and the door swings open. Noelle bounces over to her bed before turning back to face Jenny. _

_ “My special teddy is going to sit here on my bed with my other special teddy. So I always know where she is when I need her.” _

_ Noelle puts the new teddy bear down on her pillow, tucking it under the duvet next to her older, more threadbare soft toy. _

_ “Mama helped me put this picture here too,” she says, pointing to her dresser off camera. The image moves to show where there is a new photo frame atop the wooden surface, showing all three of them clad in their snow gear at the bunny slopes, Noelle held up by Jenny but squished between the two women. Both Yaz and Noelle are holding their snowboards in the air, while Jenny is grinning with pride. _

_ “I like this photo because it makes us look cool, and you’re cool,” Noelle explains. _

Yaz chuckles quietly to herself, her heart warming.

_ The camera flips around so it is Jenny's face on screen, her face far too close to the camera until she figures out what she is doing and sits down on the bed, Noelle clambering up and sitting in her lap. _

_ “We love and miss you very much, Yaz!” Jenny says, and Yaz can see the tears brimming in her eyes. _

_ “We hope we get to speak to you properly very soon.” _

_ Jenny turns her head to look down at her daughter momentarily before they both look back up at the screen, smiling. _

_ “Bye Yazzy, love you!” They both wave before the video stops. _

Pulling her earbuds out, Yaz wipes the moisture from her eyes and takes a steadying breath before she replies.

**Yaz [10:24am]:** I loved it, thank you. I’ll call you both as soon as I get a chance. Give each other big hugs from me, love you both lots x

It is not long before Yaz’s suitcase and her snowboard appear on the luggage carousel and she hauls them off carefully. It seems such a small amount now, thinking how much she had taken out there with her, but Jenny had kindly offered for her to leave a few of her winter things there since she would be coming back and would not be needing them in England.

Exiting into the arrivals hall, Yaz scans the crowd for her dad, and her face breaks into a huge grin at the sight. It has been months since she had last seen her family in person, and she finds that she had missed them sorely. She jogs forward the last few metres, sinking into her dad’s embrace and breathing in his familiar scent.

“I’ve missed you, beti,” he says into her hair, and Yaz lets out a long breath. It is good to be back with her family.

“I missed you too, dad.”

“Is that hand of yours all better?” He asks, grasping it in his and scrutinising it carefully. Yaz laughs at his concern, although it is to be expected considering the series of events that had transpired last time she had broken a bone. But, it had been so long ago that Yaz had broken her finger and it had disappeared among so many other events that she had all-but forgotten about it.

“Yep, all better dad. Jenny wouldn’t stop fussing over me,” she grins, her face flushing at the memory over just how  _ much _ Jenny had fussed.

Hakim beams at her, pulling her into another tight hug.

“We missed having you at home, so much.”

Yaz’s heart clenches at the words, because as much as Sheffield, with her family is her home, it is not her entire home. Not any more. She has not yet told her parents that she is planning on going back for the next winter season, although it is very possible that they have already guessed based on her relationship with Jenny and the life she has built back in France with her and Noelle. But what she has not told anyone yet, not even Jenny, is that she has applied for several other jobs in the town that will allow her to stay there during the summer, and most importantly, full time. She hopes that France will become her new home.

But, she does not say anything for now and pulls away from the hug. 

“I’ve missed you all too,” she says sincerely, because despite her future plans, she will always miss her family when she is away.

* * *

Yaz has barely stepped through the door of the Khan flat when she is enveloped in a crushing hug by Najia, almost knocking the wind out of her.

“Hi, mum,” she squeaks, wrapping her arms around her when she realises that she is not going to be let go any time soon.

“Oh I missed you so much, Yasmin,” she says into her hair, and Yaz sighs. Nothing has changed. Her mum has always reacted like this every time Yaz has been away for a significant amount of time. Although these last six months have not been their longest separation since Yaz entered the world of professional snowboarding at a young seventeen years of age, it is up there among some of their harder times. However much Yaz loves travelling, meeting new people and being up a snowy mountain, there is always something so warm and comforting about coming back to the place where she grew up.

“Mum, let her breathe,  _ please,”  _ Sonya says, unexpectedly, and Yaz straightens up in confusion.

“I thought you moved out?” Yaz says, furrowing her brow.

“Oh, thanks very much.”

“You know I’m joking,” Yaz fires back, and Sonya laughs.

“I know, I know. Just thought I’d come back today so I could see you. I do miss you, you know, loser,” Sonya replies, opening her arms for a hug which Yaz accepts without argument. She will always enjoy a hug off her sister.

“Come on then, we want to hear everything! Everything about this Jenny too, and her little girl, what was her name again?” Najia interrupts, and Yaz rolls her eyes as she pulls away from her sister’s embrace. But, she cannot help the smile that tugs at the corners of her mouth at the mention of the two of them.

“She’s called Noelle. And I will tell you, I promise. I just want to put some of this stuff away first and get a change of clothes,” she reasons, and thankfully her mum lets her go with a nod, and an instruction to her dad to make tea. Despite the soreness in her heart from leaving Jenny and Noelle back in France, and her desire to return there, it is good to be home in Sheffield. She had missed her family more than she had realised.

* * *

Yaz is thrown straight back into her life in Sheffield with abruptness, the familiarity of her job a strange situation. In fact, her daily routine is so mundane and unchanged that it feels as though she never left. While this means that it is easy to slot back into her job — they had been desperate to have her back, apparently her replacement had been useless — it really just confirms to Yaz that is not what she wants out of her life. It had simply served as a stop gap while she was unable to pursue her true passions, and now that she can again, it is beyond irritating to be stuck in this banality. Really, all she wants is to be back in France, spending time on the slopes and with her new family, her chosen family.

Yaz has lost count of how many bathrooms she has cleaned and how many pool tokens she has handed out. But, she does know how many times a day she has checked her phone for an all-important email that would determine her ability to move to France more permanently. She had applied for several jobs; easy things like working in some of the local shops that would be boring but manageable, but the job that she really wants, her dream job, aside from teaching snowboarding during the high season, would be a hiking guide for the local area. Of course, she would have to get to know the mountains a little better first, but she has existing knowledge of the area as well as the appropriate first-aid training and certainly the physical health for it. It makes her a strong candidate for the position, she knows that, but it is still not up to her.

By Friday evening she is driving herself spare with the constant checking of her emails; nobody has gotten back to her yet, and the wait is tortuous. Especially as she has chosen not to tell Jenny and Noelle yet, not wanting to get their hopes up until she knows for sure her situation.

So, when her phone lights up with an email notification shortly after dinner, she excuses herself to her bedroom quickly, sitting down on one of her many boxes in her haste when getting to her bed just would not be fast enough.

With shaking fingers, she taps on the notification and waits for it to open the email.

_ Dear Miss Khan, _

_ We are delighted to offer you the position of Summer Hiking Guide here at our resort. Your application was outstanding and we believe that you would be an excellent addition to our team here in Chamonix. _

_ Please reply to this email at your earliest convenience to accept the position and confirm all of the final details. _

_ Many thanks _

Yaz stares at her phone, open mouthed in shock. It is taking a second for her to comprehend this move. She got the job. She got the job and she can move to France on a more permanent basis. She can move to be closer to her new family and she could not be happier.

Once the initial shock has worn off, Yaz realises she can tell Jenny and Noelle now. That, when she returns to France in the late autumn for the winter snowsports season, she will not be returning home again in the spring. Realising it is already getting a bit late and Noelle will be heading to bed soon, she hurriedly texts Jenny, desperate to tell her the news.

**Yaz [18:13]:** Free to call? Got caught up in dinner but I’ve got some good news x

Her phone is ringing in less than a minute.

_ “Hi!”  _ Jenny chimes as soon as hers and Noelle’s faces come onto screen, grinning excitedly.

“Hey!” Yaz calls back, moving from her perch on top of one of her moving boxes over to her bed, putting her phone down while she gets herself comfy before picking it up again.

_ “So, what’s this news?”  _ Jenny asks excitedly, and Yaz giggles at her enthusiasm.

“Well,” she starts, shifting as sudden nerves take over. “After the end of next season, I won’t have to come back to Sheffield,” she says, grinning unashamedly as Jenny’s face changes and she processes the news.

_ “Wait — what do you mean, you don’t have to go back to back to Sheffield?”  _ she asks, tilting her head.

“I didn’t tell you guys yet, but right before I left, I applied for a few jobs in the town. And, well, I got one.”

Yaz laughs as Jenny’s face drops in shock, while Noelle just looks confused.

_ “But you already have a job, Yaz?”  _ She asks, head tilted. The question draws a laugh out of both women, and Noelle scowls in offence.

_ “What?” _

_ “Yes, Yaz already has a job here sweetheart, but it’s only during the winter season. I think what Yaz is trying to say is that she has a job here for the summer too, so she can stay here all year.” _

Jenny turns to look at Yaz in question, and she confirms it with a nod.

“Yep, your mama is right, Noelle. In the summer I’m going to be a hiking guide, like Clara, so I don’t have to come back to Sheffield next summer. I can move to your town.”

Noelle gasps in excitement and shifts herself up onto her knees, gripping onto Jenny’s shoulder as she bounces up and down with newfound energy.

_ “Mama! Can I ask her?”  _ She cries, and now it is Yaz’s turn to look confused; she has no idea what the two of them are planning to ask her.

_ “Go on then,”  _ Jenny gives permission, and Noelle squeaks in excitement.

_ “Yaz, do you want to come and live with us?”  _ She asks all in one big breath, still fizzing with anticipation.

Yaz feels her heart rate spike at the question, because really, this day could not get any better if she tried. Jenny and Noelle want her to move in with them, and so now only will she be working her dream jobs, but she will be doing that while living with her newfound family.

“Wait, really?” She checks, because somehow, it seems too good to be true. 

_ “Yes, really! We totally understand if you’re not ready for that yet, but you have to live somewhere while you’re here, and we thought we would offer you that option,”  _ Jenny explains, and Yaz’s face lights up.

“Absolutely, yes. Yes, I’ll move in with you,” Yaz confirms, because really, the decision is easy, there is no reason why she would not want to move in with them. When they had agreed to try long distance, just before Yaz had left, a small part of Yaz did not thank they would be able to sustain it, especially with Noelle involved, but this solid event of Yaz moving back to France to live with them and work there full-time has rekindled her faith in their relationship. They have something to work towards, they know that they will be together soon, and that that togetherness will be permanent. And so, it makes that separation just a little bit easier, because it is not indefinite. They have a future to look forward to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! Next week is the final installment aka the epilogue aka where I cry because I don't want to say goodbye to this little family. But we'll be fine. I hope...


	13. Home

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahhhh the final chapter!!! Enjoy!!

“Mama, is Yaz here yet?” Noelle asks for the thousandth time that day, bouncing up and down on the spot.

“Well, can you see her?”

“Noooo,” Noelle sighs in defeat, the corners of her mouth turning downwards. She settles for a slightly impatient eye roll over an audible sigh, because really, Jenny cannot blame her daughter for her excitement when she can barely contain her own. Bending down, she picks Noelle up and swings her up to settle on her hip.

“Okay  _ bébé,  _ can you see that big black board over there with all the yellow writing?” She asks, pointing to the arrivals board up on the wall opposite them. Noelle squints in the direction of her mother’s finger before she nods, looking back at her expectantly.

“Cool. So, there’s one on there that says  _ Heathrow.  _ It starts with the big letter H, can you see that?” She asks, letting Noelle catch up for a moment. She has been slowly starting to learn how to read and she is doing surprisingly well, one of the best in her class, in fact. But it still takes her a moment, the display proving trickier than her usual printed pages.

“Yup, I can see it!” She declares proudly a minute or so later, a wide grin on her face.

“Well done sweetheart, good reading. So, the closer that word gets to the top of the board, it means the closer to us Yaz is,” she explains, and Noelle’s face lights up in excitement.

“Really?”

“Yeah! We just have to be  _ patient _ and wait, okay?” 

“Mama, what does ‘patient’ mean?”

“It means you wait nicely and without complaining. Do you think you can do that?” She asks, knowing full well that both of them will be so far from patient that the concept may as well not exist.

“Maybe...”

“Well we’ll just have to try, won’t we.”

* * *

Half an hour later, Noelle is about ready to explode with excitement, which she communicates via bouncing up and down as though she were on a trampoline every time a fresh wave of travellers enters the arrivals hall. 

“Mama, I’m going to  _ explode,”  _ she insists, dancing on the spot with excited energy. Jenny chuckles loudly, tapping her foot in her own display of excitement. Perhaps she had brought them here a bit early, forgetting that the time Yaz’s flight would have arrived is not the same time as she would actually come into the arrivals hall. But, then again, she absolutely did not want to be late to pick up her girlfriend.

“I know, Noelle. I’m super excited too but Yaz will be here soon and then we give her all the cuddles in the world!” She enthuses.

“Are you going to kiss her all yucky again?” Her daughter asks, with a cheeky glint in her eye.

“Hey! But yes, I might just.”

“Do you  _ have _ to, mama? It’s gross,” she whines, and Jenny laughs loudly.

“It’s called love,  _ bébé,”  _ she laughs, before putting her hands on Noelle’s shoulders and turning her to look towards the arrivals door.

It is only another five minutes later before the next wave of people comes through the doors, and when Jenny catches sight of a very familiar head of dark hair she has to stop herself squeaking in excitement, because she knows that Noelle’s compromised height will mean that she has not seen Yaz yet. But, as soon as Yaz moves forward enough for Noelle to spot her, the young girl squeals and starts yelling for her. Jenny has to hold her back until Yaz spots them too, afraid that Noelle will get lost in the crowded hall. But her yelling and general excitement does not take long to catch Yaz’s attention, and as soon as it does, Jenny releases the bullet that is Noelle.

“YAZ!” She screams, pelting across the hall at full speed, darting in between the legs of other people. Seeing what is coming, Yaz bends down and opens her arm to receive the attack. But even she is not prepared for Noelle’s energy and when the little girl slams into her, she topples backwards until she is lying flat on the floor, suitcase abandoned beside her and Noelle sprawled on top of her.

Winded, Yaz blinks in shock for a second while she registers Noelle’s weight. When she does, her face breaks out in a huge grin and she curls her arms around Noelle’s back, squeezing her tight.

"Hey, Noelle. Excited to see me by any chance?" She teases, raising a hand to push some of the hair out of her face. 

"Yes! I'm super duper excited!"

"I can tell!"

Jenny wanders over, leaning over the top of them so she is in Yaz’s eyeline and the slightly younger woman breaks out in an even wider grin, if that were possible.

"Missed anyone else?" She quips.

"So, so much," she decides, allowing Jenny to bend down and lift Noelle up from on top of her before grabbing both her hands and pulling her to her feet. She uses the motion already in action to tug Yaz closer, winding her arms around her waist.

"Mama, please don't do the yucky kiss!" Noelle protests, but it is entirely in vain because Jenny leans forward and kisses Yaz firmly anyway, not caring that they are in the middle of the arrivals hall with a four year old watching through the gaps in her fingers.

"Eww," she whines, and Jenny and Yaz have to break their kiss to laugh, both of them looking down at Noelle who has crossed her arms indignantly across her chest and is pouting impressively.

"Do you not want a big kiss, sweetheart?" Yaz asks, bending down to scoop Noelle up, balancing her on her hip and pressing a kiss to her cheek. Seeing the opportunity, Jenny swoops in and attacks Noelle from the other side. The young girl giggles and squirms between them, but she does not protest, clearly happy to have her two favourite people back in her life, and if all goes well, permanently.

“Yaz, can we take you home now?” Noelle asks, playing with the end of Yaz’s braid. “Mama made sure to make lots of space for your things, and we got a new chair for the breakfast table in the kitchen so we can all sit together in the mornings, and we bought you a special cake — oops…”

“Noelle! She wasn’t supposed to know about the cake!” Jenny scolds in a stage whisper as she grabs the handle of Yaz’s suitcase and starts to lead them out of the arrivals hall and towards where they had parked their car. Noelle is still in Yaz’s arms, chattering away nine to the dozen as they walk, her excitement and enthusiasm unable to be contained.

“What cake?” Yaz asks, narrowing her eyes in suspicion as they reach the car and she opens Noelle’s door to let her climb into her carseat.

“Oh, nothing,” Jenny says nonchalantly, putting Yaz’s suitcase in the boot of the car while Yaz buckles Noelle in.

“Somehow I don’t believe that,” Yaz fires back, double checking Noelle is secure before shutting the door at the same time that Jenny slams the boot shut. Yaz is just about to climb into the passenger seat when Jenny grabs her hand and tugs her back towards her so their bodies are flush together, and Yaz gives a squeak of surprise.

Before Yaz can ask what Jenny is doing, she has curled one arm around her waist and the other into the loosest part of her braid, and she is kissing her soundly.

“What was that for?” Yaz gasps, a huge grin on her face as they break apart. 

“Wanted to get one in without interruptions, now that  _ someone _ can’t see us,” she explains, tilting her head to indicate Noelle sitting in the car, completely oblivious this time.

“Ahh.”

“Yeah. Plus, I’m happy to have you here,” she confesses, bringing a hand up to cup Yaz’s cheek and stroking it with her thumb.

Leaning into the palm that Jenny offers, Yaz hums in contentment. “It feels a bit like coming home, I think,” she decides, leaning up to kiss Jenny again.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah, it does.”

“Well, then let’s get you home,” Jenny says, leading Yaz to her side of the car and opening the door for her.

“Yeah, let’s go home.”

* * *

“Jen, why don’t you trust me to just close my eyes?” Yaz grumbles as Jenny makes her stop right outside her —  _ their  _ — front door, covering Yaz’s eyes with her hands. Jenny laughs, tapping the tips of her fingers against the bridge of Yaz’s nose.

“Because I know you, and I know you won’t be able to keep them closed,” she replies. 

“Noelle, do you want to get the key out of my bag pocket? The one on the front,” she instructs her daughter, watching with pride as Noelle searches through the backpack for the front door key and then carefully slips it into the lock with her tongue sticking out in concentration.

“Mama, it’s stuck,” she says, frowning when the key won’t turn.

“Oh, you haven’t quite got it in all the way. Give it a little bit more of a push … there you go, it should turn now.”

Sure enough, the key turns in the lock and the door clicks open, Noelle pushing it the rest of the way.

“Remember to take the key out of the lock, bébé,” Jenny reminds her. Her daughter grins at her sheepishly before carefully removing it and depositing it in the bowl on the hall table.

Behind her, Jenny gently nudges the back of Yaz’s foot with her toes to prompt her to move forward, and she does, but her steps are tiny and shuffling, hands flailing all over the place as she tries to get some sense of space.

“Yaz, you look like an octopus!” Noelle giggles, jumping up to get the light switch for the living room. It takes her a couple of tries but eventually she hits it and the room is bathed in light. Before taking her hands away from Yaz’s eyes, Jenny takes a moment to assess the decorations that she and Noelle had put up last night, before they had had to leave early this morning to pick Yaz up. Party hats, party poppers, streamers, a small cake in the middle of the coffee table and a banner saying  _ Welcome Home Yaz. _

Deciding Yaz is sufficiently into the room, and Noelle has donned her party hat and is standing excitedly in the middle of the space, Jenny removes her hands from Yaz’s eyes and allows her girlfriend to take in the room.

“Welcome home, Yaz,” she whispers into her ear before releasing her hold on her shoulders and moving over to grab a party hat for herself. She secures it on her head and then passes one to Yaz, who puts it on her head as she looks around the room in awe.

“Guys…” she starts, tearing up.

“Yaz? Do you not like it?” Noelle asks in concern, her brow furrowing.

“No, sweetheart, I love it. I’m just surprised, that’s all,” Yaz reassures, opening her arms for Noelle. But the young girl looks unsure, the excitement of having Yaz back starting to wear off and her uneasiness about being around someone so important in her life for the first time in weeks and weeks. Jenny squeezes her shoulder in reassurance.

“Go on, why don’t you go and give Yaz one of those super duper awesome hugs you give me?” She asks, and Noelle smiles shyly.

“Yeah,” she decides quietly, making her way over to Yaz and allowing her to scoop her up and cuddle her close.

“Don’t worry, Noelle. I love it lots and lots, okay? This was so nice of you and your mama to do for me,” she reassures, kissing Noelle’s cheek for good measure.

“Okay, good,” she decides, looping her arms around Yaz’s neck and resting her head against her shoulder. And then…

“Mama, can we have the cake now?”

Jenny and Yaz laugh loudly, Yaz squeezing Noelle’s tummy affectionately.

“Yes, we can have cake,” she decides, quickly checking in with Jenny with a raised eyebrow. Out of Noelle’s eyeline, Jenny gives a subtle nod before moving to the kitchen to get plates and a knife, as well as some napkins for when Noelle inevitably smears chocolate all over her face. There is a warm feeling in her chest, a sense of love and home, something that had been missing since she had left her ex with Noelle and they had been on their own. Not that she does not love her daughter with all her heart, but her plan had always been to do this with someone. And now that she has Yaz here, doing this with her, it feels as though that tiny piece of her heart that was missing is now complete, and she could not be happier.

* * *

By the evening of the following day, Yaz is fully unpacked and moved in, and it feels like she had always been there. Her own decorations and photographs and trinkets slot perfectly into their home, like she slots perfectly into their life. Waking up this morning in Yaz’s arms, making breakfast together, eating with Noelle, taking her to school, unpacking the rest of Yaz’s things, it had all seemed to natural and perfect that any niggling worries that Jenny had had about Yaz taking such a significant role in their life have been extinguished completely, barely a smouldering ember of doubt to be seen.

Now, it is mid afternoon and they are supposed to be leaving to pick Noelle up from school together; what will be a rare occasion thanks to their busy work schedules that will start in full force next week. Technically, Jenny should be at work today but she had taken a couple of days off to help get Yaz settled in but she would be back to work tomorrow, and Yaz solely responsible for Noelle.

But, when Jenny goes to find Yaz to tell her that it is time to go and pick the young girl up, she finds that her partner is dozing comfortably in their now-shared bed, the exhaustion of the past couple of days having finally caught up with her. Jenny decides that if she can wake Yaz easily, she will come with her, if not, she will let her sleep.

“Yaz? Yaz, baby, wake up,” she murmurs, sitting down behind her on the bed and shaking her shoulder gently. She does not stir, so Jenny tries again a little more firmly and only manages to gain a small grumble of acknowledgement from her.

“I’m going to go and pick Noelle up now, I won’t be long, get some rest,” she whispers, kissing her on the forehead. Just before she leaves though, she scribbles the message down on a note, just in case.

Once Jenny gets to the school, she is a little bit late for pick up and she guiltily hurries to the front of the courtyard to the open door. Sticking her head in, she grins at Noelle who is sitting cross legged patiently on the carpet, clutching a sheet of paper and looking at the door anxiously. Jenny feels guilty that she is the last child left.

“Mama!” She calls, jumping up and running to her mother with open arms. Jenny catches her easily, swinging her around in a circle before setting her back down on the floor. From behind her desk, Noelle’s teacher grins widely.

“Where’s Yaz?” Noelle asks, looking behind Jenny.

“She was having a nap,  _ bébé,”  _ Jenny explains, stroking her hair. “I think all the moving tired her out. She’ll probably be awake when we get home.”

_ “Noelle, didn’t you have something to show your mum?”  _ Her teacher calls from the other side of the room, and Noelle’s face lights up.

_ “Yes! Mama, we had to write about our weekends today, and Miss Rousseau said I should show you what I wrote before we go home!”  _ Noelle says excitedly, grabbing Jenny’s hand and dragging her over to one of the kids’ tables. Sitting down, Jenny shoots Noelle’s teacher a confused look, wondering why Noelle must show her her work here and not at home. But, there must be a reason, so she squeezes into one of the tiny chairs and looks at the slightly crumpled piece of paper Noelle spreads out on the table. She starts to read.

_ This weekend was the most best weekend ever because Yaz came home. Yaz is my mama’s girlfriend, but she is like my new mummy too. Yaz is from a place called Sheffield in England, we went there once to see her. I like that Yaz is here now, because she makes my mama happy and she makes me happy. Some people have a mummy and a daddy, I only had a mummy for a while but now I have two mummies and they are the bestest ever. I love them both lots and lots. The end. _

By the end of reading Noelle’s work, Jenny has tears streaming down her face and she is grateful when Noelle’s teacher has the foresight to hand her a box of tissues, correctly predicting her reaction.

“Mama, do you not like it?” Noelle asks, her little face pinched in concern as she looks up at her mother.

“No, I love it, I’m just surprised, that’s all,” Jenny reassures, reaching over to pull Noelle into her lap and holding her tight.

“When did you decide that Yaz is your mummy?”

“Yesterday,” Noelle decides, fiddling her fingers together. “Yaz is going to live with us forever and forever, and that means she’s my mummy too because she loves you and you love me. So she is my mummy too because we all love each other. Is that okay?”

“Of  _ course _ it is,  _ bébé. _ I’m so happy that you want Yaz to be your mummy, and I think she will be super duper happy to hear that too. Do you want to go home and tell her?”

Noelle nods enthusiastically, already jumping out of Jenny’s lap and tugging her hand to pull her up. Using the desk for leverage, because really, can any adult actually get out of the tiny kiddie chairs without some difficulty, she stands up and allows Noelle to lead her towards the doors of the school. But Jenny stops in her tracks when she feels a hand on her shoulder.

_ “Genevieve? Congratulations. You really deserve this,”  _ Noelle’s teacher says completely sincerely, and Jenny grins widely. She does deserve this, she deserves this more than anything.

* * *

As soon as they step through the front door of the apartment, Noelle has barely ripped her shoes off her feet and dropped her bag and coat on the floor before she bolts through to the living room to where Yaz is sitting curled up on the sofa, blanket tucked around her legs and book in her lap. Jenny giggles and Yaz’s soft  _ oof _ of surprise as Noelle clambers into her lap, the precious piece of paper in her hands becoming crumpled in the process.

“Yaz! Yaz, I’ve got something to show you!” She crows excitedly.

“Okay okay, just stop bouncing a bit please, that hurts my tummy sweetheart,” Yaz chides gently, tucking Noelle’s hair a bit to show her that she is not really all that cross.

“Sorry,” Noelle apologises, wriggling a little more to get into a comfortable position on Yaz’s lap, leaning back against her chest before she settles and is ready to show Yaz her work. Jenny settles down beside them as Yaz looks at the paper, ready to intervene if Yaz is struggling with Noelle’s shaky handwriting and baby French, but it seems that she does not have enough trouble to be able to recognise the words “Yaz” and “mummy” written several times over.

“Noelle,” she whispers, turning the little girl towards her more. “Does this day that you want me to be your mummy too?”

Noelle nods, a shy smile on her face. “Yes. I love you lots and lots, and you love mama too. We all love each other and I don’t ever want you to go away so will you be my mummy?” She asks, all in one big breath and eyes wide, excited, slightly fearful.

“Noelle, I would be  _ honoured  _ to be your mummy … if that’s alright with your mama?” She asks, looking past Noelle over to Jenny, who is smiling at the pair softly.

“That’s very much alright with me. We can all be our own little family,” she concludes, and at that, Yaz bursts into tears. Picking up the corner of the blanket, she shuffles in next to her girlfriend and  _ their _ daughter, encouraging Noelle under the blanket too so they are all cocooned together. Wrapping her arms around them, Jenny relaxes into what will become their new normally; love, and warmth, and  _ family. _ Forever.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading and coming on this amazing journey with me! I can't quite believe I've finished, and I have some lovely people to thank! Big thank you to anobii1992 and WalkerLister who've helped me write most of this, listened to my ramblings and given me encouragement when I've needed it. This story wouldn't be what it is without you both, so thank you.
> 
> Also a huge thank you to everyone who has been reading since the start and, you know who you are and I appreciate you all more than anything!
> 
> If you're interested in reading more of my work, the epilogue of my other AU will be going up on Tuesday (hopefully). There will then be a sequel to that, and a brand new AU that I've started planning, although I have no idea when I will start posting all that. In between I'll have the odd one-shot to go up, and I'm always active on twitter if you fancy a chat!
> 
> Again, thank you all so very much for reading, it means the world to be that people enjoy what I spend hours and hours working on. So ... à bientôt!!

**Author's Note:**

> The title, _Comme l'espoir, l'amour reste_ is the French translation of one of my favourite 13-era quotes: _like hope, love abides_. 
> 
> This story is set in the real town and ski resort of Chamonix in the south of France. I have never visited and although I have spent an embarrassing amount of time on google maps to get a feel for it, I have of course taken some creative liberties! I would recommend looking up the town though if you really want to get a feeling for the setting of this fic.
> 
> As always, feel free to come say hi:  
> Twitter: @emmyphant_  
> Tumblr: @emmyphant


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